A little background for those of you that aren't familiar with my story. I've been here a long time, but haven't posted recently.

H was in long term affair with ex coworker from Early 2000-August 2002. It was on again, off again, and there was many false recoveries along the way. H moved out twice, each time coming back within a few days.

We went on vacation with our girls at the beginning of August, and when we came back, OW contacted me via email. She tends to do this when she is desperate, and thinks that it will cause me to kick H out. H finally saw her for what she really is, and ended the relationship. She has never stopped calling or emailing, though.

She calls virtually every day, most of the calls not being answered by H (I know this via cell phone log, they show up as missed). However, there have been some that he has answered, and numerous voice mails and emails from her. H still insists that their relationship is over, but she is continuing to call.

My question: is this normal after a long term affair? He doesn't see that every time there is contact it is seriously depleting my love bank, and makes me wonder if the relationship is over. There have been many changes in H that I haven't seen in years, so if he's continuing the affair, he's doing a wonderful job of also making me believe that he wants our marriage to work out. With the changes that he's made in his treatment of the kids and I, I do believe that the affair is over. Is it possible that he gets some sort of high in the fact that OW still wants him enough to call continually, even though the relationship is over, which is why the contact hasn't been completely severed? Am I expecting too much too soon, with the length of the affiar?

I really hope you get some responses from someone with more direct experience than I - or at least different "long term affair" experience. I'll bet my observation will come as no surprise. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

He is unable to make a decision about this whole mess.

Everything that has happened in the affair has occured due to some outside influence on him. He'll respond to a push one way or the other, but can't be pulled. The only reason he may have ended the affair is because she's annoying him and he loves his family. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You are an extrordinarily patient woman, and he will eventually recognize your worth - in fact, he does already, which is why he won't leave - but you are justifiably frustrated - many times over.

Others, please reply to my dear friend here. She is the rock in her family and deserves a mountain of gold. She's probably tired of my repetitive advice, but I still have high hopes for her and her lovely family.

Hi,

Yes it has been a while since we have heard from you. Glad to hear that your H is doing better.

How are U?

About those nasty calls. Can he change his cell??? she calls the house, can you get her charged for harrassment? You should be able to tape her calls and turn them into the police as evidence. We can't block individual ph#s here but you can put caller id on you home phones.

L.

Thanks Dave for your kind reply. I am certainly not holding up like the rock you say I am, that's for sure. I feel more like I'm about ready to sink. I do think that you are correct with the push/pull theory. But, what is the solution then? Let her push his way back completely? That could take longer than I care to wait around. I think it is the Knight in Shining Armor syndrome, and while he feels like he's her hero, he's not going to cut communication with her.

Hi Orchid! You dealt with a PBR, too, I remember your horror stories well! Maybe you can give me some advice on harrassment suits. The problem is that she's not calling our home phone, though. She only calls his cell. Well, I do think that she may call our home, but it's always blocked, and therefore it's not traceable, and she never says anything. It's always a hang up. She has sent me tons of emails, though, as recent as August. Anything legal I could do with them?? Any info is very much appreciated......

Thanks again!!