Where have you been?

What's happening?

How come you have been gone so long?

Just because you have bad experiances sometimes doesn't mean we don't care.

Ss

<small>[ October 03, 2002, 11:42 AM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

up !

I have also been looking for Mr and Mrs DL - concerned about him - and hoping they have made their way into counselling.

Anyone heard from DL?

LIR

I can try to email him, haven't heard from him in quite some time. I'll letcha know....

bump ^

I havent' gotten any response from him via email...

Bump

Hello everyone.

I was just looking for my story to try to remember all the wrong and right things I have and have not done.

I love all of you here, and it brings tears to my eyes to know that you care.

I wish I can say everything was O.K. It seems that the only thing I have not lost yet is the deep love for my wife. What a terrible thing to be cursed with love like this for the rest of my life.

I guess it is not over to the fat lady sings.

Thanks for all your support and help.

We do care, and were worried about you. When you say you have lost everything but love for your wife, it sounds bad. Please let us know what is happening to you, so we won't worry so much, or so we can worry more.

Another thing you have not lost is our friendship and also God's Love for YOU. Have been praying for you, and your family.

SS

Dreamland -

Just wanted to let you know that there a lot of people that do care about you and have you in thier mind and hearts.

I don't post very much due to not having enough time and energy to deal with all of things going on in my life. I realize posting may not provide the help you are seeking so do what is best for you.

If you ever want to talk I can certainly find the time. Life and love are amazing things, they can bring so much happiness and pain. If nothing else remember that for all the pain and difficulty out there there are always some positive things.

Cheers

Onwardandup

Hi dreamland:

2 me, it seems that 2 many people I followed and got great advice from over the past 8 months have appeared 2 disappear. Please don't be one of them!

Please let us know how you're doing.

Dreamland -

I am glad to see you here - when you disappeared, I wondered if things had got much more difficult for you, and have been thinking about you and your family. My hunch is that things are bad for you right now. Please know that if you want to come here to talk about it, you have some friends here who will always listen and try to help as much as we can.

Remember that its not over until the fat lady sings. I have just read something from a friend - they have been separated for more than a year, and now, 2 days before D papers were to be signed, the WS wants to make a go of it, and they are starting MC again with a new counselor. Please don't give up, especially on yourself.

LIR

I am beginning to wonder why God put me on this earth. I am not talking suicide, I just do not see why God would have created me if the wake of my life here was going to be destructive to so many people. I feel for the OM's wife. For the OMW's four children. I feel for my two beautiful, perfect, happy little boys. I feel for my poor wife. So much destruction. So much pain. I see no good in any of this terrible path of which I feel ultimately burdened by. IF ONLY???

I thank God though for the blessings I have had so far. I thank God for the time he has blessed me with my WW. I thank God for the financial blessings. I thank God for my Children. I came naked to this world having nothing and naked shall I return.

<small>[ October 07, 2002, 08:43 AM: Message edited by: fresh_start ]</small>

Dreamland:

You can STILL make it! We are here, and we care.

I think a lot of the talk of separation is due 2 the fact that your W wasn't truly "over" the OM when it supposedly ended in July. Now that the whole family knows, she's taking her anger out on you. Blame shifting.

There's nothing 2 do but your best plan A, if she'll even give you the chance. If you separate, I'd suggest plan Aing even then, if you can.

I can't remember. Does OMW know?

We'd all love 2 help if we can.

Dear Dreamland,

Thank you so much for coming back to tell us what has been going on with you - I had a feeling it was rough for you. Since I have not been through this kind of situation, I don't want to try and give the wrong advice, but I can hear your pain. I remember reading so many of Orchid's posts, and also Lor(Lor) and BrambleRose, whose WS left, (in BR's case, 6 times) and finally returned. Orchid actually sent her H packing to live with OW, and this is in some cases, what needs to happen. Until the WS is living in the full reality of what they have chosen, and dependent on the OP to meet ALL their EN's, they cannot fully appreciate the love their S has for them. I know this is not what you want to hear right now, and it won't necessarily happen, but it may be what has to happen. As well as the spouses, its the children we all feel so much for - most of us on this forum are parents, too and would do anything to not hurt our children.
It's what makes so many of us go the extra ten miles when if it was just us, we'd be gone tomorrow rather than live with this pain.

I think it is safe to say that the decision has to be hers. Although it is excruciating for you, staying in the spare bedroom rather than leaving your home is the best option. It is her who should leave. I would not let her "kick you out" - why do you assume she has a right to do that? Because she is a mother? They are your children, too, and she is the person responsible for all this trauma, not you. You may have contributed to the problems in your marriage, but her choices are her choices. She did not have to seek an affair as the solution to her problems with you.

I think the reaction of the families is normal - they love you, and to anyone standing outside, her behaviour is outrageous. Your B reaction was aggressive, but it is obvious he loves you or he would not have felt so strongly about it. Your parents are amazing people - one can see where you learned to give from. But it is normal for family members to take sides initially - and to encourage the BS to get out and not forgive. Many marriages go through this kind of crisis and recover, and the families can accept the couple has recovered. Your wife seems to be the one insisting your family will never accept her again. It is important that she not be able to use this as an excuse, because that is all it is. If your family can make it clear to her that they will love and accept her if she decides to re-commit to your marriage, she won't be able to use this as an excuse.

I told all my family, naturally, about my H's EAs and my H knows I talk to my family. But my parents and sister are forgiving people, and they have all tried to help me to stay married. My father sent my H a birthday card this year (in August) and my sister kept their scheduled work project with my H, so we were all able to see each other in Paris in July. I was nervous about this because I didn't know how my sister and BIL would be with my H, but they were civil and warm towards him. I know that this helped my H feel that my family would be able to put this behind them, if he could put this behind us, as well. Just day before yesterday, my H and I got physical with each other again - we have just made up - still seeking's advice has helped me so much be able to understand where my H is coming from sometimes - sometimes I just don't understand the signals and get it all wrong - I also talked to my Dad, and even though this was bad, I know my Dad will accept him, as long as we continue to make progress forward, even if it is slow. My point is that an accepting and loving family (yours) can go be helpful in recovering a marriage. I think it is a good thing your family know now, as they can be supportive to you, and you have needed their support for a long time. This is too heavy a burden to carry alone.

I will keep you and your W and children in my prayers tonight.

[bq]God would have to work a mirracle to save my marriage.[/bq]
Well, we know God does work miracles. But sometimes, they are so small we don't see them.

[bq]I am beginning to wonder why God put me on this earth. I am not talking suicide, I just do not see why God would have created me if the wake of my life here was going to be destructive to so many people. [/bq]
This is your statement that makes me worry. Are you really blaming yourself for all this? And have you sought any kind of counsellig for yourself? I am now in weekly counselling and finding it very helpful to be able to talk to someone about the challenges each week presents. It has helped me a lot. Please consider counselling for yourself right now, even if WW is not interested in MC. Counselling is not a sign of weakness.

((((Dreamland))))

LIR

God would have to work a mirracle to save my marriage.
He still does them. I know he does.

I am beginning to wonder why God put me on this earth. I am not talking suicide, I just do not see why God would have created me if the wake of my life here was going to be destructive to so many people.

You didn't cause the destruction, you just happened to be there. He put you here for the same reason we are all here, to learn and grow, and help others. You are learning, I hope there is growth too.

Dream, don't give up hope. You have two children who depend on you to hold things together. Keep holding on, keep praying, keep working on it.

I don't know who said " the hour is always darkest just before the dawn." I can't say that I know what will happen, but hold on and don't give up.

SS

Dreamland,

I don't know you but I feel your pain. It sounds like you have 2 beautiful boys who are there with you. Stay strong-- I know I don't have a choice.