i need help, i have thought of suicide, but i dont want to leave my kids, my wife wants a divorce, she moved in with another man, she has been there for two weeks, she seems like a completely diffrent person, she and he are taking a vacation to california on a trip we were going to go on, they are taking the car (our car), she said i can stay at the OUR, i have been staying at my office. though i dont know why considering she has been staying at his house. she let me see the kids for 3 min before she went to his house to leave this morning, and to make things worse there were marks on her neck that she admited were from him.

please god help me keep my sanity!!!

i have not been a great husband, and i am composing a letter to post about the things i have done, and how i can change them. but this is too much. please someone tell me how to go on. i miss my wife and i miss my kids...

i will try to post a discription how she meet this guy. it was only 16 to 18 days ago. she left the house that morning and i wished her the best and waved in the window hoping she would come home soon. she never did. at 4 that morning what came back was not my wife!!!

HELP PLEASE!!!

i dont know how to explain all of this, its surprisingly hard to even type it. please if youo ask questions i will answere honestly.

Ruak,
Sorry for the pain and hurt you are in. DON'T do anything drastic. I know it feels like your life is over but IT'S not. You have come to a good place to find help. I once felt much the same as you. You will get better. Your situation, you can't control it, but you can control how you handle it. Work on that. I am sort of new here to so I will leave the advice to those who know. Keep your head up and take care.

Ute

Ruak, you have come to the best place to get information and to help you cope. I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Please know that you are among friends here and you will get some very good support and advice. I would advise you to immediately go see your doctor about getting on antidepressants. I have been on them for 2 weeks and I can truly say they have made a world of difference. I don't have a lot of advice as far as your wife goes. I do know this, you can't control what your wife does. You can control how you react to it. I hope I can post some more later. Please know you are among friends and other people who have gone and are going through what you are now. My prayers are with you. I know the hurt you must be feeling.
Take care of yourself first.

TORO

Ruak:

I agree with the above posters. Don't do anything drastic. You can get through this!!! Read all you can from this website and this forum. There are many, many people on here that have been through similar experiences or are going through them. You should get into counselling as quickly as you can. Again, go 2 the homepage of this site and look up how 2 select a marriage counselor - it really is critical that you do that right. Consider calling one of the Harleys for counseling. They're a bit expensive, but well worth the cost because they have a METHOD and work with you on DEFINITE GOALS, unlike many counselors out there, particularly HMOs.

Post more of your particular situation 2 this thread, 2. With a little more info, it can really help others here 2 better help you.

Please take care!!!

Ruak -- I am so sorry for your pain. Finding out that your spouse is in effect "a different person" can be a very disorienting and discouranging experience. Most of us here understand exactly how you are feeling. There are so many questions that you feel, such as why and how could somebody do this to someone else.

Stop breathe and think of your children. Read as much as you can. At first it feels as if you have had the wind knocked out of you and you feel sick and barely able to walk, breathe or function like a normal person. Reading three books -- and I have to admit I stayed up all night for about three nights to get through them -- helped me tremendously and calmed me down enough to get a grip on what was happening in my mind and body. The three books are Surviving an Affair by Harley, After the Affair by Jennifer Abrahm-Spring and Private Lies by Pittman.

I didn't find MB for a few weeks and reading this forum helped very much.

But know you are not alone and that we are all here for you. While I did not go the anti-depressant route, I do believe that if you are feeling that panicked, alone and troubled that it is a good idea. My approach was to exercise hard (and, frankly, imagine punching my WH and the OW over and over) I had to get out my anger in a safe way. I also wrote as much as I could about how I was feeling in a journal/well not really a journal, but a series of notepads. Getting out your feelings is important.

The first weeks you have to take things one minute then one hour and then one day at a time. Try and remember the people who love you -- in your case your children. They need their father.

I will pray for you tonight. It does get better. I never thought it could when all of this first hit me, but it does.

Oh my gosh...you have to read 'Surviving an Affair'. Do not even consider something like suicide. Just picture your poor children if you were gone. How would they ever understand??!!! Yes..absolutely go to your doctor's TOMORROW and if you have trouble getting an immediate appointment, tell them it's an emergency! Even thoughts of suicide aren't good.

All of us here on this site feel huge pain. That's why we're on this site...some of us, like myself, check this site whenever we have a spare minute, just in case someone's post has some info we can use in our own situation.

Keep posting and go to the doctors!!!!

Ruak,
Oh i a'm sooooo sorry to hear this pain u are going through! I a'm a newbe here so i really don't have much advice to give u except for u have to think of your self and your kids, as everyone is telling u. U will get alot of help here. Reamber God loves u and he put u here for a reason. Please come often as u can and keep us posted on how u are doing, we all do care. Prayers are with u Cathy