Just want to get the sadness out. Had a full evening with Parent teacher conferences I went ALONE and thats how I felt ALONE. Then went to a wedding reception, families celebrating, joyous,happy, I felt ALONE. Then went to son-in-laws hockey game (He coaches H.S. team) it was fun but I felt ALONE. I know I am not the only separted/stbD person in the world. But, I want to be the old me. I don't want every single thing I do to remind me that my H has betrayed everything we meant to each other. I miss my FAMILY. Doesn't he? Maybe it is easier for him to be far away. I see people, families together, and I know I can't see behind closed doors, but sometimes it hurts so bad. I bet some people used to look at our family and say "I wish I had a family like that"

Well I just needed to get this out I don't have anyone to talk to at night. Most times nights are the hardest. I DO NOT miss WH, I do miss H. I don't know WS and he doesn't know me anymore, doesn't care to. He said he didn't want to lose me as his best friend, I have always been his best friend. I guess he has a new best friend.
Oh well, thanks for letting me get it out.
S-

Sharon,

When I got to that point of not wanting the WS but wanting my H back, I told the WS that I needed a favor. Once he agreed (curiosity thing) I told him to please go and find my H, the real one, the one I loved. Find him and bring him back so that I can give him a hug and a kiss then I can say good bye. After I said that we both cried. He said he wanted to find the real H also. Then I asked him to leave and hurry up to find my H because I don't know how much more I could hold onto life. I meant it. It was very hard. So I understand.

The reason I share this is that sometimes, just sometimes it helps to but the onis (ownership/responsibility) square on their shoulders.

Hugz,
L.

Thanks Orchid,
You are a friend. I am getting tired of this roller-coaster. I think WH is playing games with me, because of D. He is really picking up the conversation(EMAIL) with the kids and has shut me out completely. Has not informed me of when he is transfering our support money. We are broke. I hope he is just out of office or town, if he starts screwing with the money to teach me a lesson for standing up to him I don't know what I'll do. We can't survive without his help right now. I would love to be able to but during the A he really messed up our finances, long story, but I NEED his help. I hate that more than anything almost. That I can't stand on my own two feet. Wh says "All petitioner (answer to D paper) has to do is sell the house and she is out of debt" OH YES that's ALL I have to do. Give up the house and neighborhood, schools that we worked and wished 14 yrs for. That should be easy. He did it.
Sorry I'm such a downer tonight. Thanks for being there.
Sharon

$$ does have a way of emphasizing the pain.

A's have a way of creating $$$ problems. I told the WS in my case that since he couldn't give me $$ he owed me (in additon to his paying for child support), I told him to go get it whatever way he could. He said how rob a bank? I said well if he was willing to risk going to jail..... it was HIS choice. How stupid can one be so he got a stupid response.

Then I said, go let the OW pay your way, she might as well get used to it. You pay for it in exchange for sex anyway. Doesn't she owe you some bucks since you are her boytoy?!?! Ohhhh.... I get on a roll and can't shut up! Anyway he tried to make my words a blufff but I would have taken the $$ that was owed to me. Even if he indebited himself to the OW. I was already trying to close the books. Emotionally detaching myself.

Anyway he asked how much. Well I had already set the stage and got him to say that we were priceless so I asked for 1 mill. Totally ridiculous but hey what did I have to lose? Finally whittled it down to $86K (hm... similar amount to what he owed and she had borrowed with her H when he refinanced the house awhhhhh...... I don't know if that # scared her or if he even told her but he told me that in no uncertain terms did he ever want to be indebited to the OW. Well you know where that sent me. I told him he needed to give 'all' to her including 'all' his debit and his being indebited to her was not my problem.

The beginning of the end........ that's when it went down hill from there but it sure took a long time for him to get it out of his system. That's why I keep plan B in my back pocket

L.

Thanks Orchid,
Yes $$ is a very touchy subject with my H. Especially now. I would still like your tips for next week. I hope you recovered from your long work night. You must be a real night owl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Hope you treated yourself to a good dinner last night. Tell your work to get a machine with more that chips. You need your nurishment. Otherwise how can you stay up helping us all night.

Thanks again, BTW I think the $$$ thing might be a big LB for WH and OW. I think he has been putting up a front of "succesful US business man" and I think that is one of her BIG attractions to him. Wait till she finds out he is up to his EYEBALLS in debt and going to have to pay most of his PLAY money to alimony and CS.

See ya later

Sharon