Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
I wanted to share a good recovery story, since so many are wondering if it can happen.

Background: the bad times were very bad, and long, 2+ years. H had an 18 mo. PA with a co-worker (whom he still works with), we had 7 separations 14 of 21 months apart, after a long Plan A, I served D papers and got involved with a male friend, which made reconciliation even more unlikely. So, we had many strikes against the possibility of our recovery.

In May of 2000, after my H had done his own Plan A to me for 3-4 months, gone on his own to our counselor and other accountability, trust-earning lovebank fillers, both of our OP with as little contact as possible (work & neighborhood made absolutely no contact difficult), H moved back in.

This past weekend we went with another couple to Florida for 4 days, the Monday Night football game (Bucs vs Rams) being the reason for the timing. We had so much fun. Monday we spent the morning and early afternoon at the beach, and eating. Went to the tailgate parties about 6, wandered around eating, drinking beer. The game was so festive, the weather warm. The Rams lost <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , but still being there and cheering was quite the experience and the other couple we were with, Bucs fans, were happy with the game's outcome.

The next day simply was one of the best days of my life, at least for recreation & good times. Beach hopping, beach bar hopping, dolphin spotting, buckets of Corona, peel & eat shrimp, high waves for body surfing because of the hurricane many miles away, enough sun, and laughing, lots & lots of laughing, dumb jokes with our friends. Dressing up for the evening, finding a wonderful restaurant, eating tuna steaks with wasabi & mango sauces, drinking fine wine. After dinner drinks at a revolving bar high atop the beach, dancing, more laughing, walking back to our hotel in the sand and surf, holding hands.

Perfect. All good feelings of being in love and being companionable. No lingering hurt or worry or takers arising.

I know we are so fortunate to have our marriage recover and our family together. It was a hard road to get here...but we've done it with the help of MB, a great counselor, faith, hope, love, patience, and mutual effort.

Now, back to realities where the cool autumn has begun and my day's goal isn't an ice cold Corona...or margaritas on the deck of a beach bar <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

There are happy outcomes here.

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,277
A
Member
Member
A Offline
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,277
Lor
Thanks for the encouragement! I had a (somewhat) unexpected setback this week... I spoke with Steve Harley on Tuesday and he suggested I initiate contact with my H to go back to Plan A(was in a "tough love" stance as suggested by local counselor). I called H, made arrangements to meet for dinner to "talk about taxes" on 9/24. The next day in the mail, I got the separation papers which he initiated, and have been in his lawyer's office for 7 weeks, and to make it worse, he signed them on the day before our anniversary which was last week. To say I was taken aback is an understatement! Why couldn't he wait until October to sign them after waiting so long before?

So to see your "testimony" make my "hope meter" get a little more re-charged. I'm glad you had a great time and are making wonderful new memories! Thanks for sharing!

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,909
*
Member
Member
* Offline
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,909
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> My eyes are filled with HAPPY tears for you!

(that and reading kimmy2s story which is/was so like my own)

It is like living a miracle, isn't it Lor? Do you shake your head sometimes at the memories of the rollercoaster? It is starting to feel like such a little blip in my life.

My MIL is retiring this month and there is a BIG catered shindig being planned and my H was so HAPPY and looking forward to all the singing, dancing and reminiscing that will be taking place... and my heart was singing praises and thank yous to still be a part of his family... to be able to experience it with him...

Cali

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 441
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 441
Lor,
GREAT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am so happy for you. You give me hope. I am glad you like the RAMS. I am an old Rams fan from WAY BACK. It also gives me courage that you went through so much and recovered beautifully. Like they say "Its not over till its over" I need to remember that.
Sharon

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,236
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,236
Lor,

Forgot about your trip this week!!! Am glad that it had such a great outcome.

We all know how blessed you are and I am sure you and Guard both realize how blessed your are, but the girls are the ones that reap all the benefits of their parents being together for them, they are blessed, for the two of you sticking it out!!!

Oct 3 it will be 3 years since STBX (I don't know if I should continue with STBX as he is so slow in signing, it's not soon) first brought up thinking of divorce, we talked and e mailed for 3 days (he was in Korea) He made so many promises and assured me that he really wanted the marriage to work and then 18 months later boom!!!!

I am so glad that you are one of the ones that recovered their marriage, not many of us will get to be in that club, but you give us the courage to continue!!! And we thank you!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 659
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 659
Lor Lor.... As always your story and continued recovery gives me so much encouragement that one day my wife and I will someday be the happy couple again.

Love in Christ
cajunky

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
Yay!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 276
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 276
Lor,
WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Excellent <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,900
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,900
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,465
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,465
Much deserved happiness...great to hear!

Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
K
K Offline
Member
K
Member
K Offline
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Great news, Lor!!!

Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028
H
Member
Member
H Offline
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028
Awesome!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
It took us a long time to get to recovery, with 6 failed reconciliations, I really did give up hope during the last separation. The first 6 months of real recovery was tough, then healing began. The second year much better. And now, I find myself writing as "recovered" as most of the process seems complete.

Thanks to my fellow MBers in recovery--

K, who is an oldtimer to me! And a great influence and a man I truly respect.

And Cali, BR, sing, Daybreak, you middle timers (or are you old now too?) have meant a lot to me.

Hope4future, this was the vacation I was trying to lose weight for when you had your weight loss threads. Not as successful in losing poundage as I would have wished, but it didn't keep me out of a swimsuit...just in deeper water <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Avondale, Terrified, Cajunky, Ute, getting better--sometimes I think my story is encouraging just because it dragged on, became so much worse before we finally got it right, and H & I did make huge mistakes (not that I'm encouraging huge mistakes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). Infidelity in a marriage is wretched. Many of us don't deal with it at all well. I didn't at first, but I learned and became stronger and I'm a much better partner for my husband, as he is for me. We really love each other.

Best wishes to all of you.

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 309
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 309
You have always been and continue to be an inspiration for me. Thank you for your story and your continued advise! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 324 guests, and 100 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
DGTian120, MigelGrossy, Jerry Watson, Toothsome, IO Games
72,041 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,042
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0