Another day, another disaster.

We went out yesterday afternoon, came back and another message from the Police.

H has sent an e-mail to a generic address at OM's company, stating the truth telling about the A.

The Police have asked H to go to the Station on Monday and make a statement.

H did this 4 days after speaking to the Police the first time, and 2 days after the weekend where I completely lost it. To say that I am hurt and let down by him is probably an understatement. On top of that, I am incredibly worried about what will happen. If the Police charge him or even caution him for harrassment, he will probably loose his job.

If anyone is out there please help. I feel I should contact OM through a third party and ask him to back down. If H looses his job it will truly send him over the edge.

I just can't believe he was so silly - because he promised not to contact OM again, he thought he was being clever. That OM is not happy about being exposed is the only thing that H has any sort of pleasure over. He is in a right state, understandably so, and doesn't want my suport even.

I feel so many different things at this time, I just don't know what to do. The Police warned me not to contact OM directly, as it could be taken as "interferring with their investigation."

As for OM, I can't believe he is not taking responsibility for his actions again. H was not harrassing him, just exposing him to the people he likes to "lead by example". His quote, not mine.

I want to help H, but I feel let down by what he has done. Again, he didn't tell me, and I had to find out by taking a message. I don't know about H going over the edge, but I'm still pretty close to being there.

Any advice please, I need it.
Lisa

Dear Lisa,

I don't know if I can offer any worthwhile advice, since I have not been where you are, but I wanted to let you know that someone out here was checking in with you.

I'm sorry this is going on, and I expect it is another one of those bad moments which you will be able to ride through. I expect the police will not charge him with harassment - hopefully they will take a pragmatic view of these two incidents. They already have it on record that the OM blew the 1st incident way out of proportion. Doubtless, this contributed to your H's - sense of anger and he couldn't resist the desire to get even - which is why it happened so close to the 1st incident - he probably stewed over it for days and thought this was the best way he could expose this creep for what he is. Hopefully the police will be understanding - perhaps the best that could happen would be that they caution him.

Personally, I don't think it such a bad thing - from much of my reading on affairs, there is one body of opinion that feels that exposing the affair publicly is the best way to deal with it. Affairs are conducted under the cloak of secrecy - when it is out in the open, people have to pay the price for what they are ACTUALLY doing. Since this affair, however, was over and done with, it doesn't seem to me there is any benefit in this other than revenge - perhaps for your H, it was bad enough feeling what he did to you (since he feels OM took advantage of your loneliness while he was away), but when your H landed up in the police station, he felt personally attacked and decided to let OM see what it felt like. Yes, we all have to take responsibility for our actions, but it helps if we can understand where the other person is coming from.

I can relate to your H feeling of wanting to expose someone who was presenting a pretty face to the world and lying underneath. Although my H did not go as far as having a PA with OW2, OW2 was 21, beautiful, very intelligent, and babysitting for several sets of my friends who all raved about how wonderful she was, and how great she was with children. She was on a 1 yr MA course, and had left her long-term BF back home in France, with every intention to return and live with him (which is where she is now). She just happened to console herself with my H during that year - first starting out as a piano student of his, progressing to meeting for a drink at the pub every Mon eve - then meeting during the week, then TXT msging and e-mailing every day, until I discovered what was going on. By the time I found out, H was totally captivated, had withdrawn from me completely (no interest in sex for 3 months) and running after her like a puppy dog. She LOVED it and since I read her e-mails as they came through, I could see how much she was leading him on. In the meantime, she was this wonderful girl that everyone loved - I was put in the position of not being able to talk to some of my best women friends, otherwise I could be accused of ruining her reputation and depriving her of her income, if they chose not to employ her any more. I held off for 3 months, but when she came into my home one day while I was at work, and brought a bag of sweets for my children, and the next day my YS said "Is that the lady you don't like, Mummy, bcos I saw Daddy kiss her in the kitchen?" I lost it. After e-mailing her, I did talk to my friends, who were all shocked.

But as with your H, this also backfired on to me. SHE contacted my H and told him that I was trying to ruin her reputation, and H was FURIOUS with me. These were the worst times for H and I, when he retaliated and was on the verge of violence at the drop of a hat. He would believe anything she said, she was Miss Innocent and I was the hag. I never recommend to anyone now that they contact the OP - it is too risky, even if the BS does feel within one's rights.

If I had to do it over again, I would not have contacted her. I would still have talked to my friends, though. I think it is right that she was exposed for being something other than what she led everyone else to believe she was. At times, it occured to me to communicate with her BF. But - I was afraid that he might come after my H, so I didn't. I thought there might be repercussions which could be worse than I could forsee, so I tried to "soldier on" and not meddle too much - let things take their course. This tore me apart emotionally, and I am only just now starting now to recover, 7 months later.

What I can say is that so many things are so much better now between H and I - it is a struggle - a continuing struggle, and I am not satisfied with everything - but the feelings of love have come back between my H and I - I have told him that I forgive him, and he is again the loving friend and companion he used to be to me - keenly interested in me, instead of coldly hostile.

I will pray for you - what is most important is that you and H try to talk - he may not need your "support" - he may not need to talk to you - but if you let him know you can understand why he did this thing - this can go a long way towards helping him feel that you accept him.
I know you are disappointed in him, but he is not perfect. No more than are you. How can you hope for forgiveness from him if you expect him to be perfect? No-one should have to be perfect in order to be loved. When I was most upset with my H, and really felt like I hated him, I could STILL say "he deserves to be loved" - How? was the question.

Slowly, slowly the answer to that question comes - in the living out of our daily lives.

Bear with it - it could still all come right in the end.

LIR

oops!

<small>[ September 29, 2002, 08:42 AM: Message edited by: Lady_In_Red ]</small>

Thanks LIR for your support and story. Even if the Police (at worse) caution H, it could still ruin his career as it would show up on any Police checks. I cannot believe that OM can be so vindictive - he created this situation equally.

Yes I agree, the fleeting pleasure of exposing OM is now weighing heavily. I guess for me, he knew how cut up I was after the last incident, and that my underlying thing was not wanting OM in my or OUR lives in any shape form or fashion. H not only has brought him back into our lives, he completely dis-regarded the last incident that drove me to my knees - literally and physically. I am hanging on just..... That is why it disappoints me - he knew my mental well being and state were fragile to say the least. He also choose to keep it from me too....

I know exactly why he did it, and if at any other time previous to the Police being involved, I would have loved it!!! I know that sounds awful, but yes, OM thinks he is a real "gentleman, one of the last around" (again his quote), and an all round good guy who leads his employees by example and raises money for charity. For H to shatter that image, is quite funny - if it were not for the serious and potentially life changing outcome. H even put his e-mail and telephone number on the e-mail he sent - you know what? OM still didn't have the guts to stand up and be counted.

I am scared that even if he is "just" cautioned, he will turn and run. He has intimated this. We were holding on by the thinest of threads, and a poor outcome of this will snap the thread completely. I only hope that the good ole "Boys in Blue" will see this for what it is - a man in desperate pain, lashing out at the one who caused it - really it's a moral issue over a criminal one. Let's hope they agree.

Thank you again LIR
Lisa

Sorry, LIL - I didn't understand that "just" a caution would still show up on police records. Now I understand why you are so concerned.

I think that counselling has helped my H so much - I really do - it gave him someone to talk to who was safe - someone who was there just for him with no emotional strings attached - no risk of screwing up. We still have a long way to go, but I feel that now at least, we have a chance. If you find it hard to pray, I will pray for you for awhile - well, I am not the proselytizing type, and I especially do not want to ram my faith down the throats of anyone on this forum so I hope you don't take offence. But a little extra help never hurt anyone.

I have no answers to the Big Questions - I believe most of the evil in the world is entirely caused by men, that we do all the screwing up on our own, but I believe that prayer helps us to center our minds and hearts so that we can sometimes see things more clearly when one feels oneself to be in the eye of a hurricane.

It may be that the police just want to talk to him, and after talking with him seriously, they will see the situation, and let him go with a verbal warning. Did he get a verbal warning last time? Is that why you are afraid that this time, they will do something a little heavier?

Well - sorry I am not much more use here. Just to let you know you still have friends here.

Take care,
LIR

<small>[ October 01, 2002, 05:46 AM: Message edited by: Lady_In_Red ]</small>

LIR - I am grateful for your thoughts and prayers. I am not a religious person, but I appreciate your sentiments and belief.

Yes, they did give him a verbal warning last time - and told him that anything further would be viewed more seriously. H is now worried that they'll actually charge him and it may result in a custodial sentence. Personally, I don't see how 2 incidents could, when we all know how bad the stalking laws are in this country, let alone a couple of minor indiscretions by a man who has been terribly wronged and is in pain. It's hardly indiscriminate is it?

I still wish maybe I could intervene, by using our mutual friend (OM and mine), but really H thinks it could make it worse. Like your story, H is also concerned about "powerful enemies" in OM, and influence he may have in that community. Frankly, I don't think that is anything to worry about, and if it did go to court, OM might have to suffer some very public humiliation - H would damn well make sure of that.

What worries me most that he will react by running away. He has already said that he will just go if he has no career and looses his job.

This is such a bloody mess, and I helped to create it. I know you believe me when I say that this is not the H I know and love. He has been driven to this by my selfish and cold hearted actions - mine and OM - how I wish OM could stand up to that too.

Thanks again - I'm glad to know you're out there LIR, I need it today badly.
Lisa

Dear LIL -

Have been thinking.

First, if OM is high-profile in his job, chances are that he is NOT going to want ANY publicity and will not push this into court - you know that his actions will reflect very badly on him. In our experience, my H's employer was very aggressive until there was a solicitor involved. Once there was a solicitor involved, things changed dramatically, and they manoeuvred left, right and center to try to prevent anything from becoming public. In your case, OM has too much to lose by pursuing your H through the courts - he is just trying to give as good as he thinks he is getting here.

Which leads me to the second point - do you have a lawyer? You MUST get legal advice, if you haven't already. While it is always comforting to think that the police know the law better than anyone, that does not mean they know it all. A good lawyer knows it all, and is there to deal with the police for you. I don't think it would be wise at all for your H to be questioned a second time by the police without his lawyer present. Was his lawyer present the first time?

Also, in our case, our lawyer was able to calm us both down repeatedly - we both got very wound up about the "what could happen" and "what might happen" and the lawyer was able to say, "well, if that happened, then we would do this" - believe me, on one occasion, I actually had heart palpitations, I was so frightened, but he was very calm and cool and reassuring - and he was right.

For instance - you say your H has simply told the truth about what happened between you and OM. There's no law against telling the truth. He can't be sued for slander if he is just telling the truth. If OM wants to sue your H for slander, he knows he will have to get up on the stand and testify as to what happened. If he lies, he can be counter-sued for perjury. I don't think he will want to go to court.

So if he is accusing your H of harassment, what evidence does he have? The telephone threat your H made which has already been dealt with, and this new letter which simply tells the truth. I may be being a bit simple, but I think its possible he is bluffing - he is just trying to make your lives Hell. But my point is that you are more likely to have a more positive outcome with the police interview if you have a lawyer present. I would think you can help by being there and demonstrating that you are supporting your husband.

And the last point was that this is not necessarily "your fault". Yes, what you did hurt your H, but he is responsible for his own actions, and his own choices. In my case, it was my choice to contact OW2, so I take responsibility for that. It was also my decision to punch my H. I could say his behaviour drove me to desperation, but I am still responsible for the way I reacted to those experiences. So even though you feel bad, try to still sort out who is responsible for what here.

IMHO you have done an admirable job of taking responsibility for your own mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. We are all human. For this reason, we have to try to forgive the ones we love who "sin against us" - you sound angry that your H could "put you through this" after the hardship of the past couple of weeks - that he didn't think of what his actions could do to you. Which means you still have the expectation that he will measure all of his actions against whether or not they will hurt you - in other words, you expect him to love you. Do you understand? You had lost this respect for his feelings when you conducted your affair, but you still expect him to always think of you first. The fabric of that mutual respect has been torn, but it can be mended. With mutual forgiveness.

You also say that you are afraid that he will just turn and run. But several weeks ago, you were thinking exactly the same way - all you wanted to do was run away from this.

IMO, if you could both stand up and give to each other and your marriage, you would both find yourselves stronger people individually, and therefore, a stronger couple. This CAN bring you closer together. It doesn't have to tear you further apart. There CAN be a positive outcome to this.

I do hope you get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow promises to be another sunny day - every sunny day at this time of year is some small thing to be grateful for, no? When I am very low, right before I go to sleep I think of 5 things I can be grateful for. Like, my children are safe, well and asleep in bed. I have a home and a full stomach. My family are all healthy. I am loved by my family. I thank God for friendship. It helps me put things into balance. Then I ask God to help me sleep. Sleep is extremely important for me, since I get SAD in the winter, so I have learned strategies to cope with the sleep disturbance that depression can bring. My two favourites are homeopathic Chamomilla pills - the blue tube you can buy at Boots, and an aromatherapy oil called Petitgrains, which you can get from Culpeper's Herbalist - two drops on a hanky and put it next to your head on the pillow - will send you right out - sleep helps turn off that adreniline.

So - I hope this is more helpful in a practical way. Keep us updated when you can.

Take care,
LIR

Thanks again LIR for your response.

Firstly, H wasn't questioned the first time, it was just a phone call, and secondly, they asked him to go to the station yesterday to make a statement - so he had no idea what they would do.

Well, when he got there, they arrested him on suspicion of harrassment. They did the works, put him in a cell, finger prints, DNA etc. He was completed humiliated and demoralised. When they arrested him, the first thing he did was get a duty solicitor. He was in the cell for 2 hours (took away his belt, tie, shoelaces etc.). When the solicitor arrived, he told him that in his opinion, there was enough evidence for them to convict him of harrassment (apparently, it is a relatively new Act of 1997 and is enough with only 2 incidents) - with the phone calls (even though they were only in the context of H finding out) and the two incidents - the tape and the e-mail message (although that wasn't sent to OM, but to his company).

The Solicitor advised H two things - if the Police offer a caution you can accept it, or refuse to co-operate and they would have to prove that it was H (i.e. find the PC which he sent the mail from etc. which would have been nigh on impossible, because he was in a different country). H thankfully, accepted the caution, and the Solicitor advised him that that wouldn't necessarily show up on a Police check.

They then interviewed him, and I asked H to tell me everything. One thing that rankled me (and H a little I think) was that stappled to the front of the file was my business card and OM's. OM had obviously given it to them so they could contact H. They showed H a copy of the e-mail, and it had done the rounds a bit before reaching OM - shouldn't really, but I did laugh at that!!! So H decided to accept the caution. Of course, if it had gone to Court, it would have been further embarrassment for both OM and H, and H could have come back with a record and having to pay costs.

He said both the Police and the Solicitor were extremely sympathatic to him. The Solicitor told him that he had recently (that week) got someone off with a caution in a similar situation, but this man had taken a baseball bat to the other man! He also told H that he had presented very eloquently and that he hoped he would come out the other side feeling stronger and calmer. He is going to write to him to thank him. When he left the Police said "You're not going to do anything else are you?". H said no, and he won't.

H was very upset when I first spoke to him, but when I got home last night he was much better. I had offered to go with him, but because I am self employed and had specific work yesterday, it was hard to get out of. He was very tired, drained and felt somewhat dirty etc. He has never been in trouble like that before. He promised that it is now over and he won't contact OM again. Frankly I don't think he will. He knows that he was foolish to think he could get away with it, and doesn't really know why he thought he could. He can't answer it....

As for me, when the Police phoned me to tell me H had been arrested, I thought I'd be sick. I didn't know what the implications of that were - H neither. All I can say is that it was another extremely painful day on the roller coaster. Physically, I don't know how I held it together and I was nearly sick on 3 separate occassions.

I am still angry with OM, and want him to suffer as H and I have. I know that I will have to be careful, but I still go back to the fact that he should have taken responsibility too. I'm glad the e-mail did the rounds a bit - he deserves it, and it is his Company, so boy, I'm sure he looked foolish. I suppose what I don't know is what is going on in his life with his BS. He may not be having a good time of it either, and H said he felt OM had "his arm twisted up his back" (for some reason) to go to the Police.

I actually did a little bit of work for OM about a previous employee of his who is suing the company for unfair dismissal on the grounds of sexual discrimination. I told OM there were several things that I thought she had a point about. I know the case is coming up shortly, and feel perhaps it would be helpful for her to know those things...... Probably not, but maybe.

Me and H - well I know that he will not do anything else. In some ways, he has been quite lucky, and he admits wholeheartedly that only he can take responsibility for sending the e-mail. I am upset that he did not think about me within that. It is not about whether he loves me or not, but whether or not he cared a jot about the effect on my mental well-being which is already terribly close to the edge. I thought we were meant to be showing each other by actions that we could potentially care for each other and re-built our M. His actions were not about that at all - he wanted to "dig the stick" (his words)with OM a bit more.

H said again last night he needs to re-gather himself and feels the only way to do that is away from me. I told him he needs to work on himself for himself and be the best person he can be, not the man this A has made him become. This wasn't said in anger, and frankly, if this is what he decides, I will no longer stand in his way. All we are doing are hurting each other day in day out, and something his to change somewhere.

How either of us got through yesterday is beyond me and now I am so very tired again of it all. I want to be happy again, I want H to be happy again. I don't want to dwell everyday on my actions and what I did, which is all I do with H here everyday, waiting for the next thing to happen.

Nothing else to say really, except, thank you so much LIR for your support. I really appreciate it.

Lisa

Hi Lisa...

All I can say is 'wow!' What an interesting turn of events.

You know, I *really* *REALLY* wanted to do things like that to my W's OM. I wanted to call his boss, send E-Mail to everyone at the office, call his x-wife...

I don't know how I managed to control myself, but I didn't do anything to him. He self destructed on his own, thank you very much. I think I would have been well within my rights to mess up his life, but I am happy I didn't have to do anything. He has proven what a loser he is.

I can understand both of your positions. Your H, in wanting to 'get' at the OM. Oh, can I ever understand that! You, not wanting him to do anything that would prolong your pain, or drag the OM back into your lives.

Good luck to you both, sorry I have no advice!

NSST

Hello NSST - you're keeping late hours tonight, everything OK, haven't seen you around in a while?

Yes, WOW, is perhaps one way to sum up this mess. I really do understand H doing what he did. Where H comes from, as he says, at the very least, he would have had his windows put through, let alone a brick over the head walking out of the pub! OM got off lightly, but H also very deliberately choose to do this because of what I'd told him about OM. Whatever, the consequences of his actions have hurt him probably more than OM.

Yes I hope OM makes a mess of things too. H hates the thought of him walking away "scot free", but I do truly think that it's over now.

So where on from now? That's what I have to try and deal with. More than anything I would like H to try and recover who he is, and he thinks he can only do that without me..... Not sure too what I can do.

Thanks anyway NSST for your support.
Lisa

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lisa in London:
<strong>More than anything I would like H to try and recover who he is, and he thinks he can only do that without me..... Not sure too what I can do.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You can remember the daily Mantra <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> and realise that there is still some time to go <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but it will get better later.

Neil.

Thanks Neil - I just had a look to remind myself... It's so painful, and of course, I can only blame myself (and OM) for the pain.

I want to get him back too (OM I mean), which is eating me up. I know I should rise above his vindictive and cruel behaviour, but I'm struggling.

Glad to know you're out there in sunny London.
Lisa

Dear Lisa,

((((Lisa)))) - I'm sorry you and H are going through this. I can understand the feelings on both sides - the desire to see someone you see as the perpetrator against you suffer the consequences of their behaviour. I can't imagine how awful that must have been for your H to go through, but it sounds like having the sympathy of the police and the solicitor may help him feel a sense of vindication - perhaps he will start to feel a little better now that that is done.

I don't know what to say about him feeling he can only recover away from you just at the moment. I'm sure everyone here would say that if you stick together, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. When you are in the tunnel, it seems there is no way out, and no way back, but if you go forward, you WILL come out at the end a better person. I can remember many times feeling that I just wanted OUT - out of my life, out of the situation, OUT, out of what, as a BS, I had no control over. What I wanted really was control over my own life again. And I was angry that my unhappiness had been caused by something outside of myself. I had to learn that regardless of all that, I could be happy, even without H. I did find that when he was away for extended periods, I felt better. And I know now that I COULD live without him. Having said that, I also realize that thinking everything would be intrinsically better if I could just get out of this tortured relationship was not necessarily the answer.

I have a friend who is in her 60's - she left her H and two boys in the late 70's - no-one I know has suffered more than she has - she lost her colon because of the stress caused by his affairs, after her divorce, she met a new man and he was killed in a head-on collision, so she then lost her future with him - she herself had her face broken in 13 places and spent months learning to walk again. She has also had two stillbirths. When I think of her, I think "never judge someone - you have no idea what they may have gone through" - you would never know this from her personality - she is one of the most positive and uplifting people I know - she gives a lot, because she has lost a lot. And she has helped me a lot this last year. And I have seen that she is lonely - she goes days without seeing anyone, and has couple friends who assume that she is free to go with them wherever. Sometimes she says she wishes she had stuck it out with her marriage - as wretched as things can be, it is always possible that the problems can be overcome.

From everything you have said, I just see no reason for either of you to throw in the towel. These episodes are like convulsions - after awhile you stop heaving and feel better - I know that sounds gross, but I can't think of anything better to describe it. Sorry!

Yes, its sunny where I am, too - I am making the most of it while it lasts. BTW, I hope you don't mind, but I edited my previous post to protect my H's privacy.

Take care,
LIR

Hey Lisa. I'm glad they let your H off easily.

I wanted to echo NSST: I totally wanted to have revenge on the OM. A week after D-day his car was vandalized (not by me!) but I remember wondering if I'd be charged or questioned. And I remember WISHING I had done it.

I thought about having an A w/ his W, telling his friends, exposing him at church, and all sorts of things. I just wanted him to hurt. Mentally. Financially. Physically.

I think there's a little bit of "caveman" in all of us! So tell your H his feelings are normal, but the best revenge of all is staying out of jail, and GETTING THE GIRL!

Hello Riff and LIR,

As is my practice, in reverse! Riff, oh I do understand why H wants to get him - at the moment I want to get him let alone H! I know women friends of mine who have wanted to get the OW, but I do sincerely hope that the Police outcome is not too damaging for H. I have to say, did try hard not to show too much glee that clearly OM was pissed off about the e-mail and showing him up in front of his empoloyees <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think for H, it's not so much about taking his revenge, I think now of course the humiliation of the whole Police thing has of course affected him.

LIR - thank you so much for being around. It was truly a horrible experience for H, and I told him how sorry I was for him to go through it - not because of me, but because it was just nasty for him. He didn't deserve that really, let's face it.

I do listen to your words and keep wondering if H and I will make it. With no children (of our own) in our lives living in our home, it's not like we have other reasons to stick it. H is not some pshyco nutter - he's a regular person who has been treated badly and reacted to that. If he isn't able to live with that and me, then as the one who started it in the first place, I will support him if he decides to go.

I really can't see where it's going and how to get there. There are really no actions on either part to show true commitment. Yes I've stuck it out and stayed put, and tried in my own little way - but for H, it's not enough. I can only wait and see. Neither of us wanted to talk about "us" last night, which was good, because really, it would have been too much.

Your story about your friend moved me - people can have immensely hard lives, and remain so wonderfully positive, it should be an inspiration to all of us. It makes me realise that things could be an awful lot worse.

Thank you again for all your support - I keep thinking "It can't get any worse" and then of course it does. Perhaps now it won't - hopefully the heaving has stopped!

Lisa

P.S. Don't worry about the edit LIR - I truly appreciate your honesty in sharing your stories.

Lisa - A thought for your H: Sometimes the police will make a big deal out of a relatively minor offense, in a situation such as yours, to scare the guy into not doing that again.

I mean, I suspect that in London, they have bigger crimes to tackle than a humiliating e-mail.

Only guessing, but I think they were just trying to put a little fear into your H, so he'll not get into REAL trouble. Sounds like it worked...

Riff - I think you're absolutely right. H went there voluntarily and they totally humiliated him (as part of the process of arrest though), and I can tell you that is something he does not ever want to go through again. I think it was meant to be the big rap over the knuckles, don't do it again sort of thing. I think for H, the most important thing is that the caution won't show up on a Police check.

Yes, I do believe that he has left this behind now. Well, I hope so anyway.

Lisa

HI Lisa,
I was away for a couple of days, so I catch up with your story only now. Quite a development! But you two seem to have survived it reasonably well - excellent.
Nick

Hi Nick,

I wondered how you'd been - you OK?

Yes, another day another story. I know others on these boards have some stories too, but I honestly feel we lurch from disaster to disaster.

I guess now we're in the calm phase again. H seems to be doing better than me really. I think he knows that he was incredibly silly to send the mail (although the pleasure was fairly fleeting, and it appears it had done the rounds a bit before reaching OM ha ha), but he seems different again. After 2 weekends ago when he promised he would stop all the verbals etc. he has, and I think this is again another turning point.

Oh Nick, I do hope it is, not so much for my sake even, but his. This A has turned him into someone that neither of us recognises. I suppose it has done the same to me to. I'm really struggling though. Not sure if it was one step too far.

Thanks for checking in - it was a horrible weekend and a horrible day on Monday.

Lisa

Lisa,
I'm glad that things are looking up for you since monday. It looks like you both are slowly coming down from the excitement and learn again how to dance in synch. Once in a while you're surely stepping on each others toes, but it looks like your starting with a slow waltz again. (no tango yet though). keep it up.
thanks for asking by the way. will post an update shortly.
Nick