I just cant believe that I forgot about the 1-yr anniv of DDay! Not sure if this is an indication of me putting this all behind me and moving on, or maybe its an early sign of my advancing age. I’m 37 after all, ancient according to my kids, and any car that was built in the year I was born qualifies for “classic” license plates.

But it came and went without any fanfare and that’s all fine with me. Honestly, I don’t think too much about it any more. Sure, there are a lot of things to remind me on a daily basis of what has happened, but I usually just ignore them. Got too many other important things to do than to sit around and feel sorry for myself.

I’m moving back into the house in a few days. I was supposed to have the guest room finished by now but have been to busy too take care of that, so looks like I’ll be sleeping on the sofa for a while. Between work, kids school and activities, I hardly have any time left to myself. One thing that I have noticed is that the kids usually come to me when they need help. I have asked them why they don’t go to their mom and they usually say that she is too busy. Whether that is completely true or not, that is the perception they have of her and she doesn’t seem to do anything to change it.

As far as me and WW, I have come to the conclusion that it is never going to work out between us anymore. WW is too busy still “finding herself” to want to make any commitments towards recovery. About the best I can give her right now is being friends, but not even best friends at that. But thats fine, I have accepted this and am moving on. Right now my kids are the most important thing in my life and that is where my focus is. But you know, even if WW did want to try, I’m not so sure I would want to make a whole-hearted attempt myself. Her drinking, smoking and innate ability to never be truly happy is not something I want to deal with anymore. I guess I am looking at her as someone I don’t know very well and seeing some qualities in her that I don’t feel are conducive to a committed relationship. That could change in the future, but I know the longer it goes on like this, there is less of a chance of that happening.

So that’s where I am now. I know that I will continue to grow and become a stronger person through this. I am in no hurry to get involved with anyone right now, wouldn’t be fair to me, my kids or that other person. I’m just going to enjoy my life where it is right now, which I seem to be doing.

Take care all, I’m sure I’ll be back in the near future.

It sounds like you are doing pretty well to have almost forgotten that date. Maybe you have reached acceptance of the whole thing and have a little bit of peace over the direction your life has gone. Thats a good thing! Keep it up. C

Dang LS you and Wolf have grown so strong that we might have to send you two to get tested for sterorids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

LS, you give me hope in my ability to be able to get past what I'm gojng through right now. I want my WW back, but listening to you, I know that if that doesn't happen I'll be ok. Thanks for your story and it's inspiration to me personally.

TORO

Hi. It's good to hear from you. I tried to find your e-mail but was unsuccessful. I am so encouraged with how you are doing and seem so at peace. Won't it be strange to be in back in your house full-time? I think it'll be good for your children-I just hope that you still take care of yourself and make time for you. You need a life too.
Take care,
Can't Sleep

Firefly10- Yes, I have accepted what has happened and I think that in itself is what is allowing me to move forward. I can even say honestly that I have forgiven WW, and myself for that matter, for what has happened. It took a long time and a lot of hard work to get to this place, but I can now put it all behind me and start looking towards the future again. I have a sense of peace now that I havent felt in a long, long time. Its a nice place to be and I hope that all of you who havent felt this kind of inner peace will soon.

As far as WW, well, I just dont know. I havent completely written off any chance of us being together again, but I do know that right now, she doesnt appeal to me that much. I know that her and OM are still together in some way. She says it is just as friends, but I can tell it is more than that. And thats fine with me because we are no longer in a committed relationship, so she can do whatever she wants, I guess (as long as she remembers that we are still legally married). But, I also know that as long as he is in the picture, I wont invest anymore of my time and effort with WW. WW's drinking and smoking seems to be increasing in intensity lately and that is a huge turn-off for me. I guess I am looking at her as a stranger now, and not seeing to many qualities I would want in a person I want to be committed to. She is not the person I knew and loved for the last 14 years, she has really changed.

Guess I'll just have to see how things go from here. The kids seem to be real glad that I have moved back in, almost like I never left in the first place. I still have to get the guest room finished but for now the couch is working out just fine. Its nice to be there when the kids need you and not have to try and solve problems over the phone. So far, WW and I get along, although I dont make much effort to interact a lot. I guess I am just trying to find my place in the home again and gain some kind of comfort level before I move forward.

Thats about it for now, I'll stay in touch as much as I can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

CS- if you want to email me, my address is unclefester123@hotmail.com