hi orchid,
i guess you read the response i gave to bhearted. i dont really know what to say but i feel that i am falling apart here really fast. i dont even know if i can really make it 3000 miles back home. please come and talk to me for a little while.

G2F,

Yes, I read your response. I am sorry that your H harbors such anger.... have you ever introduced what you have learned here to him?

I will be here for the next 2 hours. How can we help U?

L

he does know that i have been coming here and talking to people. he doesnt think it will help. anyway like i posted before, i have come to the end. he will be back on monday to give me money to leave. i am going to drive him back to cabin 2 and half hours away, and back by myself. i ask myself, why didnt i do what it took. why? that is what really hurt him the most. i cant undo that and he wont talk to me anymore about it. tomorrow will be the hardest for me because i have to ride with him and see all that scenery that we talked so much about sharing. afraid to talk cause he gets furious when i do try to talk to him lately, since wednesday nite anyway. all he had on his mind was this trip. he wouldnt even help me tape up my boxes or move my desk. he said we can do it on monday when i get back. hurt so much over this i dont know what to do. i have spent whole week-end cleaning packing and i am ready to go. dont want to go. is there nothing that i can say to him to change his mind?

G2F,

For now, I would say no. There is not much you can do to change his mind. He has to resolve this within himself.

You see many times it is the BS that has to suffer what you are suffering. In this case, the tables are turned. ARe you sure he has not already met someone else and is trying to make you leave out of guilt? Sorry for that idea but what else could be triggering him?

L.

orchid,
i dont believe he has met anyone else. i know that two of his buddies are now single. all in the same time frame anyway. they are the ones out hunting right now. his friend has a big influence on him. he and his wife have seperated for a while not divorcing yet. i know that i hurt my chances when i didnt do anything about it for the last 2 months. he knows that i am here hurting and getting ready to leave. all he cared about was this trip. i hope i can make it home and through the next few days here. should i try to talk to him monday on the way back to the cabin. he knows movers are coming to get my things wednesday or thrusday, i dont know exactly what day it will be. he has till then to change his mind. this may sound stupid, but i was hoping that the reason he didnt tape boxes, or move any heavy stuff is because he took this week end to be stress free, and maybe teach me a lesson. i dont know what do u think about that. i still do not want to go 3000 miles and never see him again. what can i do?

orchid,
you said many times it is the bs that has to suffer what i am suffering right now. are you talking about missing me when i am gone for good.

Don't talk to him unless he brings it up. I sense that your conversation starters are his LBs.

WRite your heart out in a letter. Leave it for him on the kitchen counter when you leave (after you return from the trip). It may be a hard trip to take but you may need to keep a tight lip on the R subject.

Resolve within yourself that you will be moving out come this Wed or Thurs. Don't keep hopes up otherwise. You can put your hopes and dreams in a letter. Keep the letter open and don't print it unitl you are ready to leave. You may want to change the contents a few times.

L.

orchid,

it is just that i know when i leave here, i wont ever be coming back. i know he does not believe in seperations. i feel this is the only time i have to try to convince him not to make me leave here. i had hoped the hunting trip would calm him down where we could have our one last talk about our marriage ending. i just cant take this. i have cleaned up the apartment but i know that doesnt matter now. i have had no one here this week end to talk to. i have felt so alone. he says he will suffer losing me but then all the pain that we have caused will be gone. i will suffer more leaving here than anything i have ever gone through. he was with me on trip up here, now i have to go alone. i am really afraid of it. dont want to lose him, orchid, what can i do.

what is the r subject?

G2F,

R = relationship.

You are making final assumptions. Not recommended when one's emotions are running rampant. So whether you do or don't come back know that even if it seems like he may never change his mind, he can. So can you.

Let him know in your letter that you will both hurt and it would be so much better if nether hurt. Unless he is a perfect man there will be some regrets in his life. Let him know that even though there were bad decisions in the past, you hope deep in your heart that him telling you to go won't be a regret in his life like it is for you. Something like that.

L.

orchid,
i just finnished cleaning up. thought i would see if you were still here. i am trying really hard to be strong but i am an emotional person anyway. this has been a very long and hard week-end for me and i have tried so hard to come to terms with what is happening. i just cant get over how cool he is being to me through all of this. he doesnt know what i have been doing this week-end. i had started packing the night before he left, but now i am all through. stuff is ready for the long car trip as well. i am sure he does know that i have been here hurting over him and our ending marriage, but that doesnt help me. my mother and daughter have talked to me several times and that hasnt helped either. my mother told me that i was going to have to get mad at him to get through this. i am not mad at him, i am mad at myself. i should have done more and he is right. i guess it really showed him i did not care, but really i was just scared. thanks for your help. i will post again and let u know how it goes. tomorrow when i drive him back up there, i wont see him again and he wont be back here till sunday nite. just wish pain would end somehow. and i wish the long trip were over with.

Originally posted by gonetofar:
<strong> ..... my mother and daughter have talked to me several times and that hasnt helped either. my mother told me that i was going to have to get mad at him to get through this.</strong>

L: Our families mean well but that isn't you want to hear. You know there is just a piece of this story that isn't making sense. Of course I am a woman so a man's thinking process doesn't always make sense to me. LOL!!!

Your H's anger while understandable, his reaction is not. Unless he is using this as a launch pad for something else. Just my thoughts again. I don't want to alarm you.

<strong>G2F: i am not mad at him, i am mad at myself. i should have done more and he is right. i guess it really showed him i did not care, but really i was just scared. thanks for your help.</strong>

L: This is what you need to let him know in that letter. Did you start it yet? Let him know who U are mad at and that you were scared. Even if it doesn't save you from this trip, tell him in the letter.

Realize that you will have to make this trip. Know that others are on the receiving end waiting for you to come home. Can someone come out and drive with you?

I will check on you tomorrow. ok? Please get some rest. I know you are anxious but that will not resolve it any quicker. It will just wear you out more. Right now you need to conserve your energy. ok?

Hugz,
L.

just concerned,

he told me that he is doing this for his own self. to end to pain once and for all. i still believe that he is very angry right now cause i didnt show him. i still dont think it is ow cause he is with me all the time. could be wrong but i dont have feelings that it is that. he is just into to being about his self. his job, his friends, health and totally his own feelings. let u know how tomorrow went.

thanks so much
you have helped me just listening and talking
you are very sweet for that!

oh by the way, he is the type that will cut off his own family members when they have wronged him. he will talk to them eventually when they keep bugging him, but he will not go out of his way to contact them. referring to his mother and sister which both have told me bad things about him for a long time and he knows that they have. his father also. he does not take critisim very well. it turns him against you.