I have spent the weekend thinking about what I am going to do Monday when my coworker comes back to work. I had a great weekend with my wife, very happy. I wonder if this budding friendship with my coworker is wrong. Yes and then I think no. In some ways it is making me happy and that spreads to my family life.
Then I know that it could lead to bad things and I am trying to be strong about that too. Then I wonder what could go wrong. What is the problem with seeing where it goes?
I am pretty confused but I have to be ready Monday by mid morning.
Thanki you for advice it has helped me. It seems like I am not taking it, but I am really thinking about it. I am just being honest on here and it seems like having a friend at work is not all that bad. Am I kidding myself? Am I leading this woman on by somehting I did? That would not be right either. I work on the same floor with her and I have to figure out how to handle this for monday and beyond
Thank you again. I will post something Monday night letting you know what she said or did not say and what I did

cautious,

if u care about your marriage, dont put anything in front of it that would damage it. you can hardly go back and repair damage that has been done and you dont know how hurt you will be when you are the one that made that choice. believe me it hurts, they hurt and the damage is done. dont talk to the other woman, dont have lunch with her, tell her not to call your home or cell phone. change jobs if you have to. just dont dont do it.

Cautious - It doesn't matter how you got here--whether you led her on, or she is seducing you.

Look, if you find yourself in the middle of a forest fire, does it matter how you got there? Not really. What you need to do is get yourself out of the situation. And expect she'll try to reassure you that it's all on the up-and-up.

YOU NEED TO RESOLVB TO YOURSELF THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO DOWN THIS PATH. Only then, can you stand firm in your commitment.

My H did exactly what you are doing and it has nearly destroyed our marriage. No sex as far as I know, just a sick, bizzare "friendship", (yeah right), just like yours.

My FIL told me that my H just needs to "grow up". Now it is obvious to me that he still has not.

Your poor wife. How sad that she doesn't even have a chance to fight for her marriage. Your OW is not the average type of woman. She is extremely predatory. Could even end up being a fatal attraction.

Cautious, Why are you so determined to hang onto something that has been proven to be so wrong? You are trying to justify in your mind that there is nothing to be gained but good by continuing with this friendship and there are so many people here telling you, showing you, sharing with you, the horrible outcome that you will bring into your life and your marriage if you keep this friendship going. We devastated BS/FS's have bared our broken hearts and wounded spirits with you trying to get you to stop now as not to hurt your wife in the same way we have been hurt. Former OM/OW's have written to you of what to expect with the guilt, regret, remorse, losses and all of the gut wrenching damage that you will endure if you continue in this,this,this...what do I call it...as someone else wrote..."soap opera" that is your real life reality.
Please stop being so self serving, ego driven and determined to satisfy your own wants.You made a comittment and became as one with your W when you married.It is not just about you. You said in your post that you had a good weekend with your W and thought about the OW/Friend/CoWorker/Unstable Person all weekend and how your Monday session would go with her. I can only imagine how hurt your W would have been to know that your thoughts was on the OW/F/CW/UP(NEW ACRONYMS by me) instead of on her and the things you was enjoying together.
One more time, cautious. STOP. NO. DON'T. CEASE. STAY AWAY.Get off of the train trestle, the train is coming! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> These are some of the same words that I said to my H, before D-DAY, for 2 months while trying to get him to not go any further with who ever he was talking to(and now I know was having lunch with) (I felt "something" was going on but he wasn't admitting it)After D-DAY,I said those words to him again for appx 3 more months trying to get him to no longer have anything to do with the OW he became involved with. He would give his right arm, his eye teeth, and at least one of his testicles to go back and listen to me, and never have had ANYTHING to do with the "FRIEND". We are 16 months into recovery and it has been the most painful, most difficult thing that he or I have ever been through. You are thinking that it won't happen to you but.......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

First of all, DO NOT go for lunch with that woman today!

Second, I think you should sit down with your wife tonight and tell her about the lunches, how you struggle with your feelings about the coworker and about the lunches, and ask her for her input. She deserves an open and honest husband.

JB

Cautious - IMHO it does matter that you are leading her on. How? By not putting a stop to this. By excepting phone calls from her that she openly states are behind her husband's back.

The reason I believe that it is relavent is because you seem to only worry about her motives as though she is the only one here who is taking the relationship to the wrong direction. You both are.

But that said. The forest is on fire so get the hell out of there.

Youre right she only wants to be friends. I mean who could want to further a relationship with somebody so dense. She probably worries during a fire drill you wouldnt leave the building. Even after smelling smoke, feeling the heat, and hearing the buzz of the alarm, you'd still be sitting at your desk. After all youre not on fire so don't overreact. You wouldnt want to be too rash, look silly. You would be the only one who left the building not burnt to a crisp. She's only looking at for you like a good lunch buddy should.

Read some of the people on here in Plan B...or Divorced/Divorcing...try for just a moment to empathize with their pain. Try to be human and stop pretending your above everyone else. Or at the very least be a man and be honest...you like it and youre not giving up your daily ego stroke.
Isnt your own brother going through this pain? Dont you care?
You're ridiculous...Ignore the noise in the background...It is just a FOG HORN!

2 words-grow up

cautious...tempted....whatever,

This thread is often as humorous as it is annoying and just flat out boring. I mean no offense to the regular members who are replying to this nonsense...it's just that some people just don't get it and there is no fix for that.

I'm a firm believer that a person can't be helped unless they are willing to help themselves. i.e.(you can lead a horse to the water but you can't make him drink it) You've been offered very sound advice and opinion by many wise people who have walked the walk and talked the talk, yet you continuously choose not to take heed.

Reason being, I believe is because you Want this R to go somewhere. You want this to become a very involved A. You want an A and you want it to be justifiable, but the fact of the matter is that an affair cannot be justified, no way, no how.

you wrote:

"What is the problem with seeing where it goes?"

Duhhh! I think that's a no brainer. Problems abound. Do what you need to do, but please stop annoying this forum. Oops...I kinda spoke for everyone there didn't I? So be it.

The answer to your desire is quite simple yet you make it so complex. You desire an intimate R with this other woman and there is no steering you away from that desire. Be fair to your W. Tell your W that this is what you want and take the necessary steps to end your marriage...(I'm assuming that she would be intolerant of this, of course)...then you can pursue anyone and everyone that tickles your fancy.

tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well, Cautious, what happened with lunch buddy on Monday???

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> cautious <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hellllooooooo....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Cautious,
I fear that you have not updated us because you have decided to continue this game with the OW. What's up? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I think perhaps he may just be posting to stir things up?! His posts sure sound a lot like mmseekingadvice who disappeared a while ago. Just a thought.