Well, last night did it. The last month and a half it looked like everything was coming together. Then a week ago, my WW started getting squeemish again, and saying some of the old things about me and our life. On Thursday night, after she dropped by for 20 minutes to see the kids, she left saying she was going home (her apartment). Well, a half hour later, I decided to go to the local Walmart and get some things with the kids. on the way there, I got this sick feeling, so I drove past the OM's house. And sure enough, her car was outfront.

I knocked on the door, got in the car and left as she stepped out. There she was, standing in the doorway of the OM's house as me and the kids watched her. it was heart breaking for everyone. My daughter later cried to me about all of it, and said "Mom lied to us." I never meant for them to see any of this. it breaks my heart what she is doing to those kids.

Anyway, she called me on my cell phone a few minutes later and the battle ensued, fresh as ever. She said she had stopped there cause she was tired (he wasnt home until a couple hours later) and wanted to lay down before going into the traffic back to her apartment. She isnt even a good liar. She actually never did come home.

On Friday, she called me, said she was calling social services for having the kids see her there and she told me that she never wanted to be with me, just wanted to make sure we took care of the kids.

Saturday and Sunday we were gone all day doing baseball tournaments. On Saturday night, she called our house (never tried to reach me on the cell phone) and left a message saying that she was getting off work and wanted to say she loved everyone and missed them, as she rattled off my kids names and even my name.

When me and the kids came back from the tournament Sunday night, I decided to stop by to see if things had cooled down and let the kids say goodnight to her (she has another long week). Oh, that morning before I left, I had left a message telling her that I was very upset over the last week, and the fact that she hasnt been home.

Well, last night I demanded to know what was going on. In a quick 3 minute conversation, she told me that her and OM are back together and seeing each other.

What happened? Just when she scheduled a meeting between us for this week in order to discuss our improved relationship and coming home at the end of October (she had told everyone that), now she is back with him and I am sure telling everyone that she just couldnt do it. That I am abusive, she is scared, etc. All the Bull**** that she has espoused since I got home from Bosnia in April. And all her new friends that dont know me (and the OM) will just tell her how right she is.

So, I guess I dont have to wait until Nov 1st to launch the divorce and custody paperwork. I have my court date for the A&B on Oct 21st, but will wait until that is over to launch anything. for anyone that doesnt know what happened there, in brief...my WW has been physically abusive to me since I got home from Bosnia. Last month, she had come over (this right before things started improving) and started yelling and screaming. Well, I have gone to great pains to set up a quiet place in our house for the kids, in order to get some normalcy back. And I was upset that she was now going off in our home infront of them. So, I began to stand between her and the rest of the house and as she pushed against me, I slowly pushed her toward the door, telling her to get out. Well, we got to the front door and she turned around and started pushing on me again, this time I felt as if she might hit me like she has in the past, as well as the fact as my 4 year old was right behind me and I felt like I might fall on him. So I pushed back against her, in which it appeared that she tripped on the door stoop and fell down on her knee outside. for all of this, I got to head down town and get booked for assault and battery and have to go to court in three weeks. I have never touched my wife, or any other woman in my adult life. And now this. Of course she uses it against me, telling me I am abusive and scary. After 10 years together, and one push that happened after many times of physical abuse by her over the last 6 months, and I'm abusive?

Anyway, like a drug addict, I guess she fell back in, and has to find a reason to explain it. So blame me. Well, I guess it is time to show her that her actions have consequences. As long as they werent "seeing" each other, I waited and worked on this. And things seemed to be improving to everyone. Even she said that she was beginning to see me again. Then, something happened (OM?!?!?!) that stepped back in, she gets nasty, I blow up...and we have her justifying her leaving and being with him.

I am out of supplies and energy. In military terms, this battle is lost. I have no idea if the war is lost, but I am not the general in charge that has to decide those things (God). All I know is I have to fall back now and regroup. It has been a year since I had my needs met. My kids have lived with this upheaval since I left for bosnia and my wife started putting them second tier to the OM.

I said one last prayer to God last night, asking Him to forgive her and somehow reach her. And asking Him to forgive me for what I am about to do. I want to have faith in Him, and I know that He can still work the miracle, but I know that I can no longer be someone I am not. I have shut up and taken the abuse from her and the OM. I am failing in my health. This is not the Mortarman everyone has known. No, it is time to turn from her and concentrate fulltime to rebuilding my family without her. It is time also that the OM gets his due.

He is not going to get my wife with no penalty. And he will never get my kids. I will do whatever it takes to protect them from him. He is half responsible for the destruction of their lives and he doesnt get to benefit from it.

Guys and gals. Mortarman, after a year of being betrayed, after 7 months of holding fire and being bombed into oblivion, is now on the move. The Mortarman everyone will see now will be the guy everyone used to know. Quiet, resolved, dedicated...and very, very serious. From now on, it's my way!

It is at this point that I will choose sides. someone is either with me and my children or they are not. My WW and OM are not with me and my children. Some of the friends around her and I are not with me and our children. From now on, anyone that gets in the way of my family and their happiness will find a very resolute, pissed off grunt in their face. I'm not saying I am going to do anything violent. I'm saying that it will be a very painful experience for anyone that now stands in the way of me and my three children.

Damnit, I'm mad. I tried my best and it hasnt been good enough. Sure, she may still pull her head out of her ***. But she'll have to do it by herself. I'm not kissing butt anymore. I'm back in the gym, back at the table and will be back at 182lbs by Thanksgiving (I'm now back up to 160lbs in just a week...from a sickly 148lbs). I am going to find a way to protect my kids from my wife and her abusive and cruel behavior (what I mean is the destruction of their family and their father, as well as the destruction of the value system that her and I painstakingly set up for them). It is sad that the law says I have to let her see them because they have her genes. She is no mother to them. She pretends to be, and shows she does still love them. But she doesnt care what all of this is doing to them. The OM is more important to her than me or her family, or God, or her reputation. With that attitude, there can be no more negotiations. No more abuse on me. The best thing I can now do for my kids is show them their Dad is no wimp, like I have appeared to be as I let her and this A-hole ruin our lives, and stand up and "destroy" anyone that tries to harm my family or me.

Time is up people. I am not talking to her. Not issuing threats. I might hold the divorce paperwork for awhile because I am in no hurry on that, and it might be exactly what she wants in order to entice the OM to continue. But, I am submitting ASAP the custody paperwork, and at the same time, contemplating on having her charged for the times that she physically abused me. She could lose her career just as it gets started for that. And unlike mine, which she got hurt in an accident (as in, the push was not an accident, but I was not trying to hurt her, just trying to get her off of me and protect myself), she has hit me, kicked me and scratched me. So, why not have her hauled out of the ER during work and let her lose her career?

As you can see people, Mortarman is ramping up. I need to calm down a little because I don't want to make any rash decisions. I know there is always a possibility that her outer brain casing will be removed from her waste disposal unit. But, that's God's responsibility now. Mine is to protect. Protect my family. Protect me. And even protect my family's future for us, and my wife, should she choose to wake up.

I'll keep you update as the battle progresses. This will be a Mortarman my kids can be proud of again. And even my wife could be proud of again, if she wasn't so deluded.

Any ideas on what to do would be helpful. I am not concentrating on one target. My wife…the OM…unhelpful friends…my court date…etc….all will be hearing the sounds of incoming rounds shortly (a metaphor people…please, please don't take me seriously on the violence part of it. No one is going to get shot or anything like that….it is just a military metaphor!).

Mortarman is on the move finally! And it feels good to be alive again.

Out.

Mortarman:

I'm very sorry 2 hear this development. I understand your reaction as well. I agree that you probably need 2 go 2 a "true" plan B or something like it at this point. Remember, her fantasy life with her OM is NOT bloody likely 2 last, but it probably does need 2 run its course. Try not 2 be vindictive. Let her burn her own bridges and wonder at the end of it how 2 get back across all those muddy rivers. She does have 2 do whatever growing she can on her own. OM will get pretty tired of having 2 take care of her himself. Remember, R's that start out as As, have only a few-percent chance of surviving even a few years. Don't feel like you have 2 wait for her 2 pull her head out, either. You are right in focusing your love and support on your family.

It's just that I don't think you need 2 help her dig that hole she's digging. Try not 2 be vindictive. That will continue 2 sap your own energy. And you don't need 2 be. She'll punish herself when reality hits her, if it ever does.

Please take care,

2Long...you may be right. but one bad part of this is that this happened to the OM. His wife cheated on him, then married him and now my OM's OM is with his wife and two girls. So, he has an outlook on how to make this work, if he really wants to.

Since this has started afresh, I fear this will be a long time before things calm down again and she starts seeing clearly again (a hurricane of fog just came rolling back in). While trying not to be vindictful (you're right, takes a lot of energy to exact vengeance), at the same time, I refuse to let her or him or anyone else benefit from my and my three kids' destruction. Nope. From this point on, it is about us 4. It is about getting some justice.

When my daughter cried to me the other night (she is 8), I told her that I would never leave her and never lie to her. And that daddy cannot protect her from this, from what Mom is doing. Well, you know what? I refuse to accept that! I have three women in my life that mean the world to me. My mother. My wife. And my daughter. The problem is, it is my wife that is hurting my daughter. it is my wife who is now a bad influence on my daughter. it is my wife, and the OM, who are making her father look like a wimp and someone who she cannot count on to protect her and keep her safe. My kids have always had a safe and loving environment in our home. That is until I left for Bosnia and the wife had her emotional breakdown. Now, she is public enemy number one.

Ohhh, how I want my wife back. For me and my kids. For her. this isnt my wife. Everyone that has ever known her is shocked by the change in her behavior and attitude. But that little girl, with her mother's blue eyes, dimples and blond hair, looked me in the face with a look that pleaded for her father to stop this and make it all better. If that means that her mother gets destroyed in the process, then so be it. If that means that we might have had a chance to save the marriage, then so be it. I'm not looking 2 burn any bridges. But, I am not going to allow this to go on for one more day for her or my two boys (10 and 4).

No, she will have to find her way back now without my help. She is lost. I have 4 of us that need to find our way again. If I can get us 4 together and still lose her, then so be it. At least I saved 4.

<small>[ October 01, 2002, 09:11 AM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Mortorman:

Wow, OM is coming from a tough background. He should know better. That he doesn't suggests that he never will. I hope your W can learn from her experiences.

It's very heartwrenching 2 hear what your 8-yr old is feeling because of all this. You are doing the right things by focusing on you and your kids.

all my best,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mortarman:
<strong>And sure enough, her car was outfront.

I knocked on the door, got in the car and left as she stepped out. There she was, standing in the doorway of the OM's house as me and the kids watched her. it was heart breaking for everyone. My daughter later cried to me about all of it, and said "Mom lied to us." I never meant for them to see any of this. it breaks my heart what she is doing to those kids.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mortarman - My heart is just breaking for you. So sorry...

PLEASE don't do this to your kids again. Please? You could have non-chalantly driven by w/out them noticing, and still had the info you wanted. And that your daughter said "Mom lied to us" points out that there was some discussion of what you were doing.

Doing that--making mom look bad to the kids--is not right. Really, don't do that. Don't make your little ones' feelings weapons of the war. Please.

It's IC time, bro. I hope you're already in counseling, but if not get there. Soon. You need to talk about why you did that last night, so you can make sure it doesn't happen again.

--

<small>[ September 30, 2002, 10:51 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

I humbly suggest you consult your lawyer and see if it's possible to have that paperwork you signed a few months ago where you would not use her adultery to gain custody of the kids, nullified.

There is no excuse for her violent behavior and it might be prudent for you to consider getting a restraining order against her.

These actions are not a vindictive response to her actions but a protective one for you and the children.

Even though you are in hardly in any mood to writte a plan B letter to her, I suggest that you consider doing so and going into plan B. It's time that OM experience the full joy of meeting all her EN's.

Good luck and keep us updated.

<small>[ September 30, 2002, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Mortarman - OK you don't have a gun do you??? Jokin... I can totally feel your pain - as someone who was lied to for over a year - still not told the truth actually - and went to war for about 10 months - and I just got divorced on 9/18 - because like you I had come to the end of my rope and my children became my most important focus.. Their father has lost his mind and turned into a selfish, self centered, lying b*stard but there is nothing I can do about that... You concentrate on your children not on revenge I know it sounds good - but just keep thinking what goes around comes around.. You can honestly say you can hold your head up high and really have not caused these problems but done everything in your power to fix things but to no avail... Do not do anything like making her loose her job or anything that she will hold against you one day ...You take the high road - your children in the long run will know that you are the stable parent and you are not the one that caused this..Do not play her game... Good Luck... Mimi

Mortarman, thinking of you. I too have been sadly let down in this way and am moving forward with Plan B and divorce. I too am hurt and needing to calm.

Look after yourself in this difficult time.

Neil.

Man this totally sucks, first it was Porsche, then Torizo, and now Mortarman. There's definetely some evil working against BS's.

Thanks for the replies!!

Riff...thanks for your concern. I agree with the situation you outlined mostly. first of all, it was my kids that saw the car first. She had left our house telling the kids that she was tired and heading home. The kids also lately had begun to believe that she was coming home soon. Then the kids see her car infront of the OM's house and wonder why A. she lied about going home, and b. why she is back over there with him. There was no discussion about lying or anything else. the only thing that was discussed that night once we left was my daughter asked as we pulled away whose house my WW was parked infront of. My oldest son chimed in "Isnt it the OM's?" I wasnt going to lie to them. So, I said yes. she came up with the fact that her mom lied to her all on her own.

But your overall point is well taken. I should have never pulled down that street with them in the car. really, I never expected her to be there. things had been going so well (so it seemed) and she had left an hour earlier looking very tired and saying she was headed home. So, I drove down that street not really expecting her to be there. Now, my anger did get me when I pulled over and knocked on the door and got back in the car. I should have kept driving. But, the kids by that point already knew the deal. Again, I get the overall point. they will never again see any of this if I can help it. they will never see her Mom with the OM if I can help it. And should she choose to marry this guy, they will never be around him, if I can help it. Oh, and yes we are getting counseling. As a matter of fact, we have a session with me and the kids this afternoon.

TMCM...got the lawyer working. Already null and voided that agreement. it is history. I did that two months ago. The Plan B letter already went out. Like I said, I am already loaded for bear and I am moving down the road. I find a new strength in my going into action, rather than being a doormat.

MAW...doing my best. I see your WH is the same as my WW. Doesnt bode well for us. But I will concentrate on saving us 4. I have expended too much time, effort, tears and resources trying to save one. At the expense of the other 4. Now it is time to save us.

Neil....I feel your pain. I really do!!! hope you are well. Do you have children involved? this has been so much harder because I have kids. If it wasnt for them, I wouldnt have made half of the effort I have. Keep praying. stay focused. I still believe truth and right win out in the end. I just cant see it right now through all of the fog my wife is laying down.

Mortarman,

I didnt think it would effect me so much but your pain brings back aweful memories/feelings. I saw the update and almost couldnt read it. It is like living in a bad horror movie. I am truly sorry for your pain. I think you are right about everything. These people deserve nothing. Anyone who could callously disregard their family let alone their own children deserves nothing. The OM is the scum of the earth and the woman who is masquerading as your wife is so lost it is pathetic. I wish I had some sage words. I don't. I just think you are completely right. I am glad that you are taking care physically, your children need that. The only advice I can give is do whatever you can to clear up your legal matters then focus on securing the future of your children. That is all you can do. You are right to leave the things to God which are His to handle. Although it is sad news, I am glad your strength is returning. We are with you.

continuing prayers,

ayslyne

Hi Mortarman,
I'm very sorry to hear this latest update.

All you can do now is concentrate on you and kids. She made her mess. Protect those kids and your own heart. It cannot take anymore. None of you can take anymore.

The sad thing is, the two oldest will remember this. They will remember how much Mom hurt them. The person they trusted to protect them has betrayed them. The 4 year old, may remember, maybe not.

I'm very sorry <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Stand strong.

Thanks asylyne and Sue. Your words and prayers mean a lot to me. In all of this, I am so very lost. So are the kids. What we counted on in the world, our value system, our belief in family, God, love, forgivenes, etc is all shattered. Everything we have taught our kids has been turned upside down by my WW. It is so hard to tell my kids the right thing and to help them because I dont even know what to tell myself.

Still moving though. Dont know where I am going. But still moving.

Hello Mortarman

I was so sorry to read this latest update after your last one hoping that your WW would come home at the end of October.

I can only say again how awful this must be, to have had such hope and then have it dashed - I never really have any good advice to give, but stay strong for yourself and your children. The only thing I would say after the lastest episode with my H and OM, is be careful and don't think about revenge or do anything rashly. Look where it lead my H. Neither your WW or OM are worthy of you putting any negative energy or effort into - concenrate on yourself and your family.

Lisa

NOW I'm gonna vent!!!!

Vent accomplished(then edited)... time to relax.....

Pepper ....

<small>[ October 01, 2002, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Hi Mortar,

At this point, it does not sound like much you can do or tell your kids. Just stay true to your values, sense of whow you are and things will someday for you and the kids settle down. What you and the kids need is some security and stability. Count on who you can count on, and that is YOU. The kids know it and as long as you are there for them, they will remember who they can count on.

Take care

Hi Mortarman.

I second Lisa in London's comment about not being vengeful because it will only feed any bitterness in your heart and not only will affect you but it will affect your children as well. Right now don't think of her as your WW out of her mind, but as your children's mother who is mentally sick.

If you are at the point where it is practically impossible to not love bust her and your love bank almost depleted, then consider implementing plan B. Find someone that can serve as intermediary between you and her(since she has demonstrated physical abuse against you) to deal with issues relating to your children. Plan B will certainly inject a toxic dose of reality into her A with OM because she'll have to depend on OM for ALL her EN's and he sure as hell will be woefully lacking as a man (he already is because he is not an honorable one). It (plan B) will help not only preserve what love you have for her (needed for marital recovery) but also help you keep your sanity by taking you away from the day to day exposure to her A.

You are not alone, we're here for you.

Mortarman,

You wrote:
<strong>
Damnit, I'm mad. I tried my best ... I'm back in the gym, back at the table and will be back at 182lbs by Thanksgiving (I'm now back up to 160lbs in just a week...from a sickly 148lbs). I am going to find a way to protect my kids from my wife and her abusive and cruel behavior (what I mean is the destruction of their family and their father, as well as the destruction of the value system that her and I painstakingly set up for them). It is sad that the law says I have to let her see them because they have her genes. She is no mother to them. She pretends to be, and shows she does still love them. But she doesnt care what all of this is doing to them. The OM is more important to her than me or her family, or God, or her reputation. With that attitude, there can be no more negotiations. No more abuse on me. The best thing I can now do for my kids is show them their Dad is no wimp, like I have appeared to be as I let her and this A-hole ruin our lives, and stand up and "destroy" anyone that tries to harm my family or me.
</strong>

Well said. That's the spirit. Dont be vengeful, dont look back too much, but focus on yourself and start pumping those weights in the gym. do a clear and (final) plan B to protect yourself and the kids.

Pepper...would love to hear your rant!!!

<small>[ October 02, 2002, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>