BB, My heart goes out to you. You have already been through so much as I can read from your posts and I know you was so glad that he went into rehab/detox and now to have this slam has got to be heart and gut wrenching for you. I did not have the problem of substance abuse with my WH but I have a son that had severe addiction problems for several years. I want to tell you that your H's actions are also a part of his disease of addiction. He is not physically fit, emotionally fit or spiritually fit and very messed up on the whirlwind of withdrawal from the alcohol and trying to hold onto his addiction to this OW. He must find a way to let her go as well.
His A's are a form of addiction as well. Anything that he thinks can alter his mood and change the way he feels and I'll bet you that his "baggage" of feelings has nothing to do with you, but more from his background and childhood. If he is in a good rehab, they will work on those issues in time. He sounds as if he needs long term inpatient care in MHO. If he is not there more than 28 days, he will definately need intense out patient therapy and many, many AA meetings.(90 meetings in 90 days)
You definately do need to talk with his counselor, therapist or someone at the rehab. Most of the rehabs that my son was in and there were 4 over a period of 4 years, do not allow phone calls at least for several days except rarely to the W or immediate family. They need to stop his calls! I truly hope that he is 100% serious about his sobriety as that is what it takes. He will have the toughest time the first 2 weeks, wanting to leave, change his mind, use alcohol or drugs,etc and will be very active in his "stinking thinking". (An AA term.)
This OW needs to have enough backbone to back off and tell him to make no more calls to her. I wish I could talk to her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She is only compounding his problems not to mention what she is doing to you. Oh, and by the way. You cannot believe everything an OW says. He might have called her but he might not have told her all of the things she claims he did. That was the case with the OW in my H's life, when she called me. Most OW's are such self centered, egotistial people that they truly love to get as many "digs" in to the FW as possible and hurt you as much as possible in order to get you to give up and let go so they have a better chance at having them. His anger probably has a lot to do with his guilt. I know you have seen someone get caught at something and respond with anger when confronted rather than be humbled and say I am sorry or even admit they are caught.He is trying to punish you instead of himself by telling you he does not want to see you. Maybe it is a good idea to go along with it and let him stew a while. Oh, cigarettes are shared a lot in rehab facilities so don't count on his lasting as long as usual. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The OW will ahve a heck of a time meeting the immediate needs that are going to be so important to him right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
I am so sorry that you have had all of this come into your life. I have gone through it with my H in a PA/EA for several months with a coworker and I know the devastation you are going through.I hope that I have said something that will be of help or encouragement to you. Take care of yourself. You've got YOU even if you do not have your H. I will say a prayer for you and for your H's recovery from ALL of his addictions.
