I have a huge burden of being in love with my husband who has had an affair 2 years ago and while getting past the trauma and insecurity of that experience, he had an affair with another friend of mine as well as online affairs using his webcam and having cybersex. It sounds like an open and shut case and my friends and family support the divorce option but He has read the books listed on this sight and swears he has changed his life and outlook. I kicked him out of the house when I discovered the affair in the most graphic way and it was through my investigation and not believing his lies that I found out at all. I never feel at peace because I feel that I will never know the extent of his dishonesty and what he got away with. He is begging me to try to forgive him and let him prove to me that he will never do it again but how can I trust him again? It was enough to hide what happened before from my family and try to work things out but I was also clear with him that there won't be a next time. If it happened agian it would just be over, no negotiations.
It's obvious we still love each other and he has issues bigger than mine but now I'm going on 32 and I still have a chance to start over with someone else and start a family. There's so much more to this story I could write forever but the fact is I'm in constant doubt and don't know what is best for me. I'm tempted to believe him because I know he's suffering and he's sincere about wanting to change so my question is 'Once a cheater always a cheater' true?

Not true. Not always. My husband changed. There are no guarentees in life. Take time to think about it. Have the marriage you want. Settle for nothing less. If he cannot meet that demand he is not worthy of being your husband. I too had to suffer the doubts of family and friends. In the end it is what is between you and him. What you can stand...what you can live with...what you want...nothing and no one else matters...

I will pray for you. This board is a great resource. There is lots of work ahead...whether you end your marriage or continue. Come here for help and compassion. We understand and we are always here.

in my prayers

ayslyne

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ayslyne:
<strong>Not true. Not always. My husband changed. There are no guarentees in life. Take time to think about it. Have the marriage you want. Settle for nothing less. If he cannot meet that demand he is not worthy of being your husband. I too had to suffer the doubts of family and friends. In the end it is what is between you and him. What you can stand...what you can live with...what you want...nothing and no one else matters...

I will pray for you. This board is a great resource. There is lots of work ahead...whether you end your marriage or continue. Come here for help and compassion. We understand and we are always here.

in my prayers

ayslyne</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

He is begging me to try to forgive him and let him prove to me that he will never do it again but how can I trust him again?
He's got that bass-ackwards.

First it's prove he will never do that again then you will forgive/trust him, which is not something that will just happen. Through his efforts at showing you he is trustworthy, you can SLOWLY regain the trust.

But one little slip-up is a BIG step backwards and the ws usually gets tired of "trying." So what. In order to regain the trust, it takes time, hard work & sweat.

<small>[ October 01, 2002, 10:27 AM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>