Freedom, Your response to CAUTIOUS concerned me because of the negative things you said about yourself.The OW that was in my H's life was the meanest, cruelest, most self serving, vindictive person I have ever had a conversation with but reading here on this site has helped me understand that all are not like that. I am a loving, kind person by nature and I honestly tried to show kindness and concern to the OW.She refused it and returned cruelty in return.
Freedom4me, I want to tell you that you are a human being who made a terrible decision in expressing your feelings for the OM but that does not mean that you are the person that you describe yourself.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Several years later, I contacted him and told him how I felt...that I had a "crush" on him and wished it could be more but would never do anything to hurt either of our marriages or cause either of us problems. BIG MISTAKE that I regret because it was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
I am a horrible, rotten, no good person that should burn in hell for tempting him in the first place.-----------------------------------------------
I am not 100% sure if you truly feel that way about what you have done or if you was just saying that because of the ridicule you have experienced. You are absolutely right, it was wrong, wrong, wrong. There are other OW/OM'S who have an "entitled" attitude. You are not like that.
Dvert your thoughts when he comes to your mind. See him as your enemy, which it sounds as though that is actually what he has become to you with his actions that you describe. View him as a poison not as a cure all. The more you condition your mind to think on him in a negative light the better you will get at letting him go completely. You cannot change his or anyone's behavior but your own. Try not to get upset or caught up in the retaliation and revenge that he sends your way. See him as an unstable person and start looking at yourself as the one in control of your life not him or his influence. My H does suffer from the guilt, shame and regret of the devastation that he has brought into our lives and especially mine. I have been more hurt over this than anything in my entire life. God sustained me through the whole time of the A, He also honored my prayers and stirred my H's heart and mind, convicted him of his wrongs and sent him back to me. The OW has been blocked from my H by the change in him. The rest God is still working on. My marriage has been doing great and the rebuilding is 16 months progressive in many positive ways. My H shows his love for me in a lot of ways. We are doing really good.My heart breaks for most everyone that posts here,especially the BS's who have just had D-day.
Please do not ever again even consider being a part of an A and have any responsibility of any level in causing the pain and anguish that comes with infidelity in a marriage or relationship. Please.
I am so sorry that your marriage is not a wonderful, fullfilling one. My daughter is in a terrible verbally abusive marriages. I find it hard not to encourage her to leave him but I do tell her she does have a place to go if she decides to do so. It is so depressing to be in a relationship where your EN's are not being met and the love seems to have died. MB has a lot of great help on dealing with that. I wish your H would work with you on it.There is a wonderful author and Psychologist that has great books to help rebuild a marriage and find the love that you so want and need together. His name is DR. JAMES DOBSON. TOUGH MUST BE LOVE is a great book.It is actually written for a BS/FS but has chapters on how to rekindle or create love in a marriage.I can understand that you feel you will never marry again.trust issues are hard to work through. You ask if I have regained my trust. I am not an obsessive person with mistrust. I think I have always been too trusting before this happened and I have had problems with some things that were not done in placing the right closure to the A but over all I am learning to trust again. It took a while to trust that he would come home every day, that there would be no contact as he works in the same business as she does but not the same department, and some other things but I am getting much better with time and his proving of himself. I believe I will trust completely again. The one thing that I remind myself of is that "perfect love casteth out all fear" and perfect love comes only from one source..GOD. I appreciate the kind words you wrote to me. I wish I could find a way to prevent A's from ever happening in this world, to anyone. What a dream! If you read the part of the article that I posted on what an A is then you know that it does not have to involve a sexual act. Please do not ever do this kind of damage to yourself again. Rebuild your character, your self esteem and your hope. I wish you the best.
