orchid,
update on what happened today. when he came home from hunting, i was pleasant to him. I asked him how the hunt went. Then I told him that i had been doing a lot of thinking this week-end while he was gone. I told him sometimes it is better to write it in a letter instead of just babbling a bunch of words out. I asked him if he would read it, he said yes. I sat quitely as he read it. When he had finnished, I asked him do you still want me to go? He said no. I started crying, he was crying and we had a long talk both before the drive back and during. From the moment the tears fell, he was a different person, the man I first fell in love with. Yes, there are still problems to work out, but I am feeling so much better now. He told me that he did not mean the things he said to me and that he just cannot handle the stress of me being depressed and not working on it anymore. He thought even though it would hurt him, he should make me go for myself. When we first came here, he was the one doing everything to make it better. Now we are both going to do it for each other. The affair has been over for a long time, and that was not the real problem. It has been me, and because of my attitude he gave up, or was trying to give up. I thank you so very much for being here for me to talk to. I really dont know what I would have done without it. Now we are really talking to each other about things that before I was afraid to bring up. I cannot believe some of the things he told me. One important one though was that he would begin showing me that he really did love me. Orchid he started right away. He hugged me and kissed me like he use to. That was the most touching moment I have felt in quite awhile. I cried somemore and held him close to me. Like I said, we both have had problems, but I really think we are headed in the right direction. You are a very good person to talk to when help is needed. I really appreciate you. Everything may not be a bed of roses, but it sure is smelling sweet already. I am going to get some professional help with my problems and so is he. Amazing how bad things can turn around when you least expect it. I really did some soul searching this week-end and I see that he did to. I will let you know how we are doing. I sincerly hope that your marriage works too, cause I think you are a great person.

Dear G2F,

I am glad you had a good talk with your H. Your road to recovery may not be smooth but it is heading in the right direction. It is good to know your H cares for you.

I wish you both the best. Look out for the interests of others and God can help the rest.

Thank you very much for your response. It truly touched my heart. I needed that today. A bit of bad news came my way and I am having to wade through it. My H is being supportive. Just another battle in life just to survive. Your response has meant a lot to me.

take care,
L.

orchid,
If I might ask, is it about your health? If this is quite personal i truly understand. I will definetly pray for you no matter what the problem is. I know that I do not know you personally, but I think you are remarkably a caring person. If you want to talk to me I will continue to look for your post. This whole day has left me extremly happy, but drained as well. I am still afraid of looking for work and I talked to him about that. I have a paralegal degree but I dont feel real comfortable working in the legal field. Mainly because, I did not persue it right after graduation in 94. I finnished the 2 year degree program because I wanted to be a R.N. but my dad convinced me to not go to something else until I finnished what I had started. I had just gone through a break up with that om i have talked about. It seems for so many years I have chased him and that elusive dream of mine. I am glad at least, I am through with that phase of my life. I talked to my daughter tonite on the computer and on the phone. I am sorry that I won't be there for her and my grand daughter, Taylor, like I have always been. I use to see them at least twice a week maybe more at times. That is the most difficult for me. Still the pain of leaving my husband is greater. I hope to fly home in Jan. and at least see them for the week-end. I live in oregon and they live in Mississippi. My husband has no children and doesn't want any. He is 8 yrs younger than me. He tries to understand, but has had a hard time with the fact that I haven't been able to accept that I now live here and she is in MS. I have two sons, ages 24 and 21 there also. Not to mention my parents. Anyway, I know I am rambling on about myself, I thought you might be interested in getting to know me. I would like to hear more about you if you don't mind sharing with me. I do thank you very much, for I feel you helped me a great deal and I don't know how I could ever repay you, except to be here for you also. Think I will go get some rest soon. I finnally think I can rest easier than the last two months. I keep you in my prayers to night.

Hi G2F,

You sound much better today. I hope it keeps getting better but I don't want you to fly high yet, ok????

Thanks for asking about me. I am ok. Yes like all, I do have health problems (that I am too afraid to get checked out but will soon). No it's more about my parents. My parents are getting on in years and my mom is diabetic and on dialysis 2 -3 times a week. I haven't seen my parents in almost 3 years and I just saw a pix of them and it is very sad. My mom who was radiant looks very ill. My dad is getting older and I think know this has been depressing me. I live far from them and can't move to be near them right now. I have told my H that I need to see my parents soon. We are trying to get me to go out there within the next 4 months. I also told him that I want to move back to where they live. H doesn't want to move there so I am not sure if he will come. But he did say finding work for him will be hard. I don't know. There are only 2 children in our family and my sister does not keep in contact with any of us. My H's family has lots of children and the parents have dysfunctional problems and passed it on to their children. I have been dealing with their issues every week since we have been married and just plain tired. I told my in-laws they need to get their act together and that the SIL and BILs should not be acting in their place.

I just want to be able to take care of my parents. I love them sooo much. They haven't really gotten to know their grandson since they live over 2000 miles away and across an ocean to boot. My mom doesn't want to travel so either we go over or we don't see them.

Well we all have our internal issues. Thanks for listening and caring.

Your prayers are appreciated. I will keep you in mine also. If it is a good thing, tell your H we said hi. Mine knows I post here and a few MBers have even called our home and spoken to him. So even though he is not an avid MBer (like me!!!) he still appreciates those care. So thanks for both of us.

hugz,
L.

Orchid,
Are you in london? I hope to fly home in Jan. My parents at the present time are in their early sixties. They are fixing to buy a house, as my father just got a big check for back pay on his social sercurity. My oldest son is 25, and he lives with them. My daughter is fixing to be twenty and she has a daughter, Taylor, who is 3. She also lives with them. I want to move back to MS, but hubby doesn't, so I will stay here with him, but it is hard for me to adjust. I have never lived in another state away from my family. Never ever even imagined that I would one day. Where are your parents? I really hope you get to see them soon. Do you work? I am looking for work here.I have had a lot of health problems. I had a lung capacity test in May. It showed that my lung capacity was 59%. Not good at all. That is one of the things my husband is concerned about. He told me on Monday, that I had to stop smoking or he just couldn't handle working on us. I have a doctors appt. today, to see if some type of medication will help me with that problem. I also have asthma from smoking. I started smoking when I was 12 yrs old. My brother died when he was 13 and I was 14, in a house fire. After his death, I began smoking full time. They say to quit smoking is like getting off heroin(not sure of spelling). Don't know what that drug is like, but I can believe it. I know that for myself, I have to quit. My favorite aunt just died from lung cancer in July. I didn't get to see her when she was in hospital or go to the funeral. She had stopped smoking 20 yrs earlier. That is what I think about, the damage is already done. I know that she wouldn't have lived those extra years if she had not quit though. I will talk again to you soon. My email is lawallace@attbi.com if you would like to talk there. I am also on msn messenger under airycherub. Thanks for the talk. Gotta go get ready now.

<small>[ October 02, 2002, 09:17 AM: Message edited by: gonetofar ]</small>

G2F,

I am in California and my parents are in Hawaii.
Most of my relatives are back there but I was raised mostly here (my parents lived here for 25 years).

There are many aids for assisting people to stop smoking. I hope you find one that helps you.

It is good that your H is interested in your health. He needs to be interested in your emotional well being also.

My H says he is interested in my health but then he puts such an emotional strain on me that utimately my health suffers. So I tell him that his concern and then his stress just wash each other out. No, the stress weighs more.

take care,
L.

orchid,
went to the doctor today, my lung capacity was up to 85%. I tried to tell him last time that I had severe chest congestion. Well, now he knows! He told me that within a year after I quit smoking, my lung capacity should go back to normal. Small airways are better too. I don't have to use asthma medication. Now for the rest of me. I have family in Cali also. Hope things keep improving for you. My h will be back tomorrow from hunting. I can't wait to see him. I think things will be much better. For the whole year that I have been here, I have had boxes of stuff packed up. I have now unpacked all of them except for a few. That was one thing he complained about. It was like I always intended on leaving he said. Well won't he be surprised! Stay in touch, ok!