Just as I had resided myself to eventual divorce because he refused no contact with OW, he tells me he broke it off with OW 2 weeks ago. I miss read is lack of interest in me as lack of feeling for me and in depth feeling for her. Of course I am not sure I believe him. He said himself that he would of told me earlier but I would just think he was lying.

Instead of being happy, I am angry that he would end it and not tell me just to keep me in line. I love busted big time. He said if I ever talk to him in an angry manner again he would leave and not come back. Heard that before. His [censored] was still in the recliner last night. He then baited me to get angrier. I would not bite. Then, he asked me what I wanted. I told him respect as a human being. I thought that was pretty good because most WS do not respect BS or they would not continue their game.

I am at a loss. I am sure I have sent him back to OW although I am not sure as arogant as he is that that would not have happen anyway. He tells me I am menatlly unstable and I need help. No, I need to move on and feel good about myself. He obviously is into emotional abuse.

What to do?

Sorry double post.

<small>[ October 01, 2002, 08:31 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Sorry double post.

<small>[ October 01, 2002, 08:31 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

RNROSCOE,

I see alot of pain and anger in your post. I understand your feelings about being respected by your spouse. Let me tell you what I do to let the anger out without taking it our on my WS or other people in general. I see myself as a smooth rock and the anger as rain falling over me. I invision the rain just running right off and onto the ground. When you talk to your WS just invision this as you are talking to him and it will hopefully help with the LBs.

Now as far as him breaking it off with the OW. I feel as you do. He should have told you about that, but he is wrestling with emotions just like you and I have been as BS. Let him bring things to you as he can right now. This is were tollerance to a certain degree will be a life saver. Are you sure that you are done with the marriage? Is there any possiblity that this can be saved?

Indy

<small>[ October 01, 2002, 08:33 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

I feel nothing. He says he feels nothing. But, he remains. I am angry. I have done a really good Plan A that only empowered him to continue the A. I finally told him that I could no longer be married to a man who had a girlfriend and that if she made him happier than I then he should go. He says he chose me. I don't believe him at all. I can't not trust him.

He blames it all on me. He thinks what he did was justified and he deserves this friendship. He is mad at the world because they won't allow him to have his cake and eat it too. He feels he does not have to explain himself to anyone. He won't confront any negative feelings.

I am not sure how it will all end.

RN --

You don't feel chosen. How could you? He hasn't done anything to make you feel that way. No remorse, no apologies, no regrets.

So he's given up the OW. Now you're supposed to feel happy. Hmmmm. Why exactly would you?

I guess you won, but don't feel like a winner. Look at the prize you got in the end -- that lump in the recliner. Yippee. (LOL)

Remove OW, the affair, and all the circumstances from the picture.

What do you want for yourself? What will make you feel good happy and healthy? You are allowed to make the decisions for yourself and your kids.
Regardless of his A (on or off) is this man the one you want as your mate?

I'd say in your case your Plan A went right on past the LB drain, and you're overdrawn. Is there anything you still love about your H?

I don't know. I feel nothing and want nothing. I do not believe anything he says. I don't trust him. I don't talk about anything with him except the kids and then, it is brief. I think he is trying to rekindle the romance however, it is not enough and I am not sure if it ever will be.

I feel he is only in my house to see his kids everyday. He cannot face his mistakes so he ignores them and blames me for everything. I have np desire to continue with my marriage although I feel I owe it to him to try as long as he wants to. This trying stage will no longer be at my expense. He can't bully me anymore. I mean what I say. He is scared I think because he knows I have had enough but is unable to break the destructive cycle.

For a long time and probably now I had not 1 redeeming quality in his eyes. I look at him now and think what am I thinking. No one could treat another human like this and still love them. He is using me just like he uses the kids. He has killed every ounce of love I have for him. He says he does not respect me because I made him give her up. I told him I did not make him give her up. That was his choice. I told him no contact with me or no contact with her. Pick your pioson. He is so me oriented. Well, maybe it is my turn.

(((RN)))

You're not in a good place right now. It feels/sounds like you are so defeated.

I wish I could make your TAKER come out. No one should feel like this.

I don't know what your beliefs are, but I think life is precious. I think we only get one shot at it -- and I would be completely unwilling to live another day with your H. You deserve more from life RN. You're a good person, a good mom -- why would you let this person with no integrity, values, or respect drag you down??

You have a lot to offer the people in your life -- and to be allowed in your life is a gift -- one that H does not deserve.

Respect yourself.

I know what you say in my heart is true. I guess I am like a beaten dog who winces anytime someone comes near it expect to get beat. I wish I could break this cycle. I am not a good changer. He has so much control right now and I know that I really am the one who should be. I want to get a PI to catch him in his lies but can't bring myself to make the call. I do not want to live like this but feel powerless to change.