Hi,
Just some ?'s. It seems like my WH is too nice. I read everyone's posts and my H seems to treat me nicely compared to some. I know this isn't a bad thing and I am grateful not to have to deal with abusive treatment but it just seems strange. Of course he doesn't live here so we aren't LBing each other daily. The only time he isn't nice is when I bring up our R or what he is planning. And I don't do that ever any more and haven't too much all along. He also uses "WE" in e-mails alot recently. ex: We need to check into tutor for S. I think to myself "Who is "we" there is not WE there is me and "THEM". This is just all very confusing. In some ways he seems to be opening up to me, confessing things and feelings he has repressed, nothing big but he is confiding in me which he had stopped doing for a long time. I know there is a wall there, but some of his actions seem so contradictory. He is still adamant about the D and I GUESS he is happy with OW but I also get some clues that his "life" is not what he wanted. He has been talking lately about coming back closer to live. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. Is this normal?
Thanks,
Sharon

Ute,
I think one advantage to being separated is that the household tension is less. I know it was easier for me to do Plan A while separated than when H was home but "uncommitted". My H liked to spend time with the kids, so I did see him a lot, and though he was distant, depressed, into conflict avoidance, he wanted to be pleasant when with us.

So, I think your H's behavior is within normal limits for a WS. And perhaps his wanting to move closer is an indication that he misses his kids, family, his former life.

I don't want to read anything into his behavior, in some ways I am glad he is nice but in some ways it scares me that maybe he really does just want to move on and stay friends for the kids. I wish he was closer I have NO gauge or idea of what is going on in his life. He doesn't talk to his parents or sister or former best friend (bf is very angry at him and on my side) He avoids any ?'s like the plague. I don't know if he's gloriously happy or depressed. I think when he comes home to visit this weekend I will get some clues. He shows in his physical apperance a lot of what is going on inside. I hope I get to see him. He invited me to go with him and the kids to dinner and movies but hasn't said anything lately and from the way he sounds I don't know if the offer still stands and I don't want to push.

Lor my H sounds like yours distant depressed and conflict avoider, BIG TIME. I guess there are some advantages to the separation but I feel like the longer he is gone the easier it will be for him to move on, OW or not. He has been on his own for 9 months now. I don't know if he likes being there. Signs say no. But I also don't know if OW is living with him, living close by or if they are continuing their long distance thing while she is in school. H's BF told me she would be going to school in his town and living with him. I don't know if that is true.