</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by meara:
<strong>He keeps saying this time(like all the others)I know what I have to do, I am not going anywhere. But I don't know how to let her go. I don't know what is wrong with me. Ugggggg (you are a moron that is what is wrong)
I love him, but how much more can a person take!? I don't know how to trust him again. How do I know it won't just go on and on?
</strong> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Meara. I am surely not the best person to be answering you first off, but I'll try just the same. And maybe someone else will post to you before I post this one!
It sounds to me as though your husband is trying to break it off with the OW, but is having those lingering "contacts" after the NC that we all hate so much. On the other hand, if the only "proof" you have that there is continued contact is from the OW, maybe you have no proof at all that there IS more contact. I can't imagine the OW owes you any loyalty - I don't know that I would necessarily believe anything she tells you. I know I have wanted to contact my FWH's FOW to get some answers, but I have absolutely no reason to believe anything that she might say. It is likely not in her best interest to tell me the truth. It would be more in her best interest to lie to me to try to cause more friction between my FWH and me. Just a thought...
If there IS contact after he told you there would be no more, that is not very surprising, based on history here. (Not that this fact makes it any more acceptable. I think the worst feeling is when you think all is going well, and you're trying to rebuild trust, and then you find that there is nothing you should be trusting.) I think that more WS's slip and make or accept contact than there are WS's that don't. If you haven't already familiarized yourself with all the MB info on this website, you'll want to do that. You may also want to read the book Surviving an Affair. I found all of this information to be very helpful. As is this website!
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I suggested that he bring her picture and this letter, and anything elese he has at work home. Then he can mail it to her with a letter that it is over. (I know this would make her mad, and sad, and he couldn't get out of it)
Then if he would go to confession, and mass likes he keeps promising.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Look in the information on this website about no contact letters. I wish I had known about the idea of a letter when we needed to go to NC. Instead, it was a phone call, and it was likely filled with the I Love You's and I'll Miss You's that it should not have contained. I do rather doubt that my FWH would have gone the letter route, though, to be honest. I think that after being friends with the OW for years, he would have thought she deserved so much more than a letter. In your case, the letter should ideally be one that you have seen, and that you mail.
I'd be interested in knowing what type of contact the OW is claiming to still be having with your husband. Does it sound like he's in the process of breaking it off with her? It might be a longer process than you would like, but it may be necessary in his eyes? (Not that that makes it okay!) I would say trust his actions to you, but sometimes that can be very misleading too. In my case, I thought things were great and that we were well into recovery (NC) but instead there were a number of contacts I knew nothing about, spanning more months than I care to think about. I think he just strongly wanted to let her down slowly, and I also think he still had the thought of keeping her in his life as a friend. (I do believe he knows now that that cannot be.)
Wish I could be of more help!
MT
