My WW is very deep into the OM and I get the sense that all the plan A stuff is unnoticed (at least it is till its gone - plan b) She sees him 4 nites a week while I'm working (yes its verified). I also think she thinks I don't know they see each other that often, if at all.

So, some questions. What would happen if,

a)I told her to just leave the house at noon to spend the day with him and not wait till I leave for work at 4PM.

b)I spoke frankly about OM as though it was factual part of ours lives. (ie. when you were watching the 6pm news with om did you see the report about...) She talks at times about the news eventhough I know for a fact she was not home, so where was she to watch it???

c)Whenever I catch her in a lie point it out...

Well, I know, LBs all of it. WW has been cake eating, fense sitting for a year. When I spoke with SH I was ready to leave. He cleared up my thoughts about the reason for plan B and gave me some things to try. One was to ask about any changes she has seen in me ( she said she wasn't looking for any so didn't see any)

Something has to happen!!!

A straight forward Plan B, just walk out??

What do you all think...

Thanks in advance DRS

DesertReStart,

I'm very sorry to hear that you have been put into this situation.

Is there a choice C? Both of your intended options seem to be laced with sarcasm, option B is less so.

I think letting her know you are aware is very important if you can confront her with the evidence in a neutral and respectful way. This might seem hard but it would increase your chance at a real discussion rather than having her go into defensive denial or shifting of blame back to you.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Oops, you do have an option C.

I like option C of pointing it out when you notice it. Try to use a respectful, neutral attitude like, "I heard about that news story today also, how did it affect what you were doing when you heard it?" or "I was worried about you and concerned for our marriage so I drove to OM house to see if I could reach you. When I saw your car there I felt relieved that you were O.K. and decided to wait till you came home to discuss how important our marriage is to me".

TrueSelf,

I like your name, it reminds me that we all have to stay in touch with our true selves and not let the fog of being a BS, or WS, get to us.

My post seems to be of almost pure sarcasm, you are right. Maybe a vent of sorts.

Good thoughts, and I needed the calm, stay factual, non threating approach reminder. Another thing I'm reminded of is that we BS are not supposed to talk about the A while in plan A so as not to LB, but it gets hard at times...

Thanks again DRS