Posted previously in Recovery:
After being on this site for almost 2 months, I'm terrified and need some guidance. My short story:
We have been together for 8.5 years and have no children together (He has 4 from a previous marriage) and about 2 mos. ago the beginning of my nightmare and this roller coaster took place. We were in Cancun, Mexico when I started to feel something wasn't right and after another two weeks I discovered the "A". At first I thought I could get through this, but he struggled with the "I love you, but I'm not in-love with you", "I want you to give up on us" to the "I don't think we could ever make our relationship work!" I’ve seen many of these saying from other WS on this site.
I started C immediately and attended two sessions, before he decided to join me, the C said to him "You have a tough choice to make and only you can make it!" Great help she was?!?!? And for three days I thought the A had ended, then again he fell right back into the A all over again.
HER: He met her at the hospital (He's a police sergeant and she's a 42 year old Physician) they've known each other for two years and until recently she was just an acquaintance. She then began to come “on” to him (He says) because as she stated “he would never pay attention to her” She told him all the other men wanted her, why not him?
HIM: Was married for 19 years, is 10 years older than I am (Me 33, He’s 43) and has four children (14,15,16 & 21) his marriage was a loveless marriage since she 14 years earlier left him for another man. Since then they have "Both" been in numerous affair, during the rest of their marriage!
We're we are currently: I moved out about two weeks ago after the discovery of his second attempt to leave the affair with her. She has promised to make all his dreams come true, to introduce him to people that can further his career, to make him happy, to give him all the financial stability he desires
(In other words, to BUY HIM!) And as he's told me during many of our R talks, he finds her exciting and the chase is exciting and the possibilities she is offering him are enticing, BUT that he is in love with me. That I've turned back into that woman he fell in love with.
Me: As an executive, always working and for the past two years I'd become withdrawn from the relationship, I was no longer attentive to his needs or his desire. Sex dwindled down to once a week and then I made no attempt to make him happy sexually. We became roommates, instead of lovers. Believe me when I say, “I AM” <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> to blame for 90% of this A (I know it was his choice, but I made it possible).
My question is, can this work? How do I know the fog won't come back? How can I out win, out smart and out love this A? Can it really be better later? Can we have a normal life?
If any WS's read this, can you help me understand what he is going through right now! It's only been 3 days since he decided to end his A and I know he’s mention that he’s afraid that I will become that woman that tore us apartment in the first place. How can I reassure him of my love and my willingness to work on our relationship? What are the possibilities of him falling back into the A? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Please Help! 
