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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions How should I handle this?

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How should I handle this? #1031510 10/03/02 12:24 AM
Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 4 J jmx OP Junior Member
OP jmx Junior Member J Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 4	Hello: I have recently discovered that my wife was having an EA with a friend. They have broken it off, but toward the end, I was quite suspicious. Despite her admission to the A, she focuses on my lack of trust. She emails me on her way home from work every day with an itinerary and reminds me that she will have her cell phone on in case I want to check up on her. This is very hurtful. So far, I have ignored it, but I wonder if I should respond. Would it be a LB to politely ask her to stop? J

Re: How should I handle this? #1031511 10/03/02 12:36 AM
Joined: Sep 2002 Posts: 80 T TrueSelf Member
TrueSelf Member T Joined: Sep 2002 Posts: 80	JMX, I can relate to being on the other end of "you don't trust me enough" emotions. It helped me to read your post. I feel that it is good for your W to give you as much information as possible about what she is doing and keep open a communication channel for you to reach her. Even though she is probably delivering this information with some sarcasm I would except it and even encourage the updates. Rather than focus on the sarcastic part you might respond thanking her for keeping you close to what is going on in her daily life and that you appreciate what she is doing. If you take away the sarcasm it would be a true and strong attempt she is making to help rebuild the trust in your relationship.

Re: How should I handle this? #1031512 10/02/02 05:44 PM
Joined: Apr 1999 Posts: 5,798 L Lor (Lor) Member
Lor (Lor) Member L Joined: Apr 1999 Posts: 5,798	jmx, Most betrayed spouses would love to have an itinerary, many have had the wayward spouse refuse to give accountability for their time...I'd thank her just like Truself suggests. She's doing a good thing to try to earn your trust back, even if her attitude about it is negative.

Re: How should I handle this? #1031513 10/03/02 07:49 AM
Joined: Jun 2002 Posts: 1,717 B ba109 Member
ba109 Member B Joined: Jun 2002 Posts: 1,717	jmx, I don't think it would be uncommon for a WS to shift the blame, guilt and attention to the BS. They got caught before they could come clean on their own. They feel cornered and defenseless. Therefore they need to shift the attention off themselves and onto you. Don't bite. You don't need to feel guilty for lacking in trust. She needs to earn that back. She may also be offering you this itinerary in an attempt to get you off her back. You may want to call her bluff once in a while just to keep her honest. Good Luck tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

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