I am new here so let me tell you a little about my situation. I have been married for 19 years and have two children (8 and 14). I found out about my husbands affair on 2/7/02. The OW was barely legal at the time and is 22 years younger than my husband. He had told her he was 24 years old and came up with some story for why he looked older when he first met her. He had been going on supposed business trips to help set up a charity golf tournament so I was not suspicious as he had helped with charity events since before we got married. This was someone that he met online in one of those game rooms. This person lives in another state several hundred miles away and he was seeing her every month to every other month since 6/01. I found out because I was checking on credit card purchases and found he had bought flowers that he said were for his mother but I found the message on the flowers in an e-mail and though he made up some story it just didn't ring true. The next morning he had an anxiety attack and ended up in the hospital and that is when he confessed. He has been diagnosed with depression but lately has not been taking his medication because he didn't think it helping. I have been trying for months now to rebuild our relationship. We have been up front with our 14 year old because it was too hard to hide the hurt and pain I was suffering. We tried counseling with our pastor but he didn't like that because the pastor told him the same things I did. We tried couseling through his therapist but the man was an idiot and didn't believe that relationships can be addictive.

My problem is that he would not stop calling and e-mailing her. He used the excuse that she had no one to turn to because her parents wouldn't understand and it wasn't her fault that he had lied to her all this time. Her parents did find out and she still would not confide in her friends or family she kept turning to my husband. I told him to end it and he ended up sending her a hurtful letter which was not the best way as it only upset her more. Then his excuse was that he needed to tell her he din't mean what he said he was only trying to make a clean break. After the letter she did not respond to anymore of his e-mails but her friend sometimes did. He would tell her he was going to move there and was going to be in town to look at houses when he never was. I found out his e-mail password and knew about the e-mails and when I would ask him whether or not he was contacting her he would always deny it. I ended up sending her an e-mail telling her that he was lying to her over and over again in order to get a response out of her so her friend stopped replying to any of his e-mails after that. He still continues to send e-mails even though she doesn't respond. She is now in college and he has found out her postal address and her phone number at her dorm. He has been sending her things at school but when I ask him he denies it. He finally confesses when I keep pushing him. I wish there was some way to get him to stop lying to me and for him to realize she doesn't want to have anything to do with him. We keep coming to a point where we are ready to give up and then he starts to feel guilty and says he won't try to contact her but I know he has other e-mail accounts that I don't have access to so I don't know what to believe. I am tired of playing the good wife while he continues to do these things behind my back. He is going to his cousin's daughters wedding in a couple of weeks and he will be closer to where she is. I know he has been thinking about going there because I saw some things he printed out regarding activities at the college. We had a huge fight last week and once again he said we should just end our marriage and I didn't argue the point with him because I am tired of his BS. He told me he loves me but is not in love with me. For the last week we have been peacefully coexisting but I don't know what I should do anymore. I have no one to turn to because I don't think my friends from church can relate to what I am going through because they have never been through it themselves. I had read somewhere in MB that more and better sex is not going to solve the problem that you need to fix the problem first. He is trying to be good again and would like to be intimate but I just can't bring myself to do it when I know that a week from now the same BS is going to start again. I also know that he has pictures of her saved on his computer at work. I have asked him to get rid of them but he hasn't. We work at the same place so I can see what is on his computer through the network. If he is going to separate completely from her shouldn't he also get rid of the pictures?