I wanted to reach out and say hello to you. I am in a similar situation- married for 12 years I began an affair (with a female) that has just ended after almost a year. I left the marital home and my 2 beautiful kids and am now on my own- our divorce was granted just a couple weeks ago. We have been separated since May.

I am feeling more and more regretful because I ended the marriage while in the midst of a relationship with another person. H wanted to do whatever he could to fix things between us but I didn't see any point. It all seemed impossible. Now I am thinking that I never gave the marriage a try- never really gave it my all before ending it.

I have expressed this to H- he was still shocked when we ended up in court for the divorce- he never thought I would go through with it. He is of the belief that I was simply "all wrapped up" in the OP. He has a point but I also am of the belief that it takes 2 to ruin a marriage.

H wants to take me out to dinner this weekend to "talk"- we have a tendency to go right into a "honeymoon period" without getting to the nitty gritty which we so badly need to do.

I am interested to see how your situation turns out as well.

Ah Geez Spooknook, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I didn't realize it was you. THe last time I read your post your were back with your H, what happened???

I hope you and your H do get it right this time.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks, Candybar---

Yes, our situations do have parallels. I was wrapped up in the OM and didn't even address the end of my marriage too much until fairly recently. I do remember crying a lot though, but never calling up or talking with the ExH. The OM and that A kind of had me under a spell.(I know that sounds silly, but he (OM) was very domineering and I was a fool )

At least your ExH will meet you for a meal. Mine seems to not be too near me. The honeymoon[did you mean it literally, or figuratively] thing wouldn't happen with us, for a long, long time if ever. That was never a strong part of our
marriage, the 'physical' thing. And so it goes...

thanks again, and your support is appreciated.

Hopeful

Hi hopeful,

I moved out of the house in May. All wrapped up in the OP but at the same time we were problematic from the get go- we would separate over and over (or should I say- I would break up with her)only to go into withdrawal and feel like we couldn't live without each other and then another reunion. Her situation was just like mine- she left her husband and is now a single parent to two children. She has always been very clear that this was also a sexuality issue for her- and I just think that I am able to love both genders. I have turned to women on 2 occasions because they have provided the emotional support I needed.

H kept persisting that I return home- and the angrier he got the more I pulled away. At one point he pushed me in front of the kids and took my keys and wouldn't let me leave. Real control stuff is part of our problems. The day of the divorce he kept calling me at work- crying one minute- the next threatening that I will be "dead" to him if I go through with it. Of course- this behavior only pushed me further away.

So- I did it. And since that day he has been calmer and almost nicer to me. As if he has finally surrendered and let go of me- and of course that is what is making me attracted to him again. The approaching holidays also have me waxing nostalgic. But I also know that we have a lot to work on. I am the guilty party of deceit and infidelity- I know that. It just got very hard making love to my husband only to have him neglect me and roll over- or having my husband criticize much that I did. It got very draining listening to him rant and rave all day when he had such a good life.

No excuse for my behavior I know- but I do have to remember what brought us to this point. I wonder if I will ever be able to live with him again. Maybe we can manage a relationship with 2 addresses. People do it.

This past Monday night I called him at around midnight- he was in bed and I reminded him that I had a key to the house and was going to just come over. He didn't reject the idea so at 1 a.m. or so I was sneaking into the marital home, tiptoeing up the stairs to my old bedroom. The kids were asleep in their rooms- and H and I made love for the first time in 7 months or so. We didn't talk of anything substantial and still haven't. I sent him the "forgiveness" article from this site and he says he wants to come over tomorrow night after the kids are asleep (I have them this weekend) and bring chinese food and talk.

So, maybe we are too far gone and I am just not seeing it right now- or maybe I truly was just distracted from the A and there is hope that we can work things out. We'll see.