Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with a spouse who cannot manage money well. It seem like if my wife gets a $1.00, she spends a $1.50. I have had some problems with her getting credit cards and running up a debt and then not paying them. It usually takes 6-9 months but eventually, the bill collectors will find me (she is great at keeping me from the phone and the mail) and I end up having to cover the debt. Of course, when I take care of it, that basically enables her to go get another card or two and do it again.

She has a 19 year old from a previous marriage and I bought him a used car about 2 1/2 years ago. It was a nice, clean Honda Accord. I paid $4000.00 for it and he trashed it. He eventually left home because he didn't like to follow rules and I took the car away from him when he left. I sold it and got what I could back. He tried for months and months to get his dad to buy him something but either he could not or would not, I don't know. As you may have guessed, I just recently found out that my wife went behind by back and signed a $6000.00 note for him another car. I am sure it is just a matter of time until the payments are not getting made on that either and I will get stuck with it.

She seems to have a difficult time prioritizing and it always seems like things that she wants take priority over things she is obligated to. She freely admits that she is horrible at managing money but no matter how much conflict it creates for us, there is no behavior modification. She seems to have a difficult time keeping a job. She changed careers about five (5) years ago, went from being a nurse into sales, and just can't seem to find something that makes her happy. She is currently not working.

I still manage to save money in spite of all of this and have a pretty decent retirement account but I get so frustrated because I think about how much more we could save if she could learn to control her spending.

Any advice would be welcome.

I’ve he two spo ard that fights over money are the #1 cause for divorce. That said it is rare for both spouses to have the same values about money.

First let’s clarify the issues:

1) spending over the budget.
2) Doing things behind your back
3) Your wife feeling like she has some self-determination in financial matters.

Your wife admits that she has a problem. See if you can get her to go to counseling with you about this. Money problems are closely tied to depression and other disorders. She is crying out for help… she may not know it but she is. Her career problems point to this too.

Another issue for counseling is your wife’s deceit. She does this because she wants some control over her life. She does not want you telling her what to do. But there has to be a safe middle ground here. Radical honesty is the goal. And it has to be safe for each of you to be radically honest. If you can afford it, an hour or two with the Harley may help the two of POJA about a solution and an end to the secrecy.

Also seek out a financial advisor/counselor. There are people who can help you two set up a budget and live by it. It may help your wife if someone besides you appears to be developing the budget with her input. Some couples hand all of it over the manger who then gives them a spending money.

A side issue is what to do about the son’s loan… keep a very close eye on that loan. You may want to quietly make payments when his fall short so that your credit rating does not get hurt. We are going through this right now. My H cosigned an auto loan for his eldest daughter (23). We found out recently, through a nasty collection letter, that she has not made a payment in over 10 months. They want $9000 from us yesterday.

Hope this helps.