I sure miss my wife. We were good friends. Now it seems we are enemies. Why? My 2 1/2 year old asks me when I'm coming home??? I cry every time. I know I love my wife. I just ask for that one chance. I can't think of another woman. I dream of holding her again. Why did I hurt her? I feel so bad. I pray she'll give me that chance. I know what I did wrong and I know there are places out there for help. I will spend as much as I have.

<small>[ October 06, 2002, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: aman ]</small>

AlanArthur, join the club of people who made a big mistake and wish they could erase the past.

I have good news for you. You will get past (most of) the pain. Life can get better. My signature on here used to include the phrase: "You really can build a new life."

Get that help you spoke of. Keep posting here. There are a lot of friends and awesome support available here.

It will take time to rebuild trust with your W. It sounds like your remorse is quite obvious. It's crucial that you cut off all contact with OW--your wife needs that and you DON'T need to "renew" a lie that has brought you to such a painful place.

My prayer is that your W will forgive you. She might need some time to be able to do that. My heart resonates with your pain because it took me a very long time to forgive myself for my A. H and I are well into recovery now and I have been able to forgive myself--but sometimes the pain still haunts me. It's important to move past that but right now, just take everything in baby-steps.

Just know that you have good reason to hope for a much better future. You will learn important things about yourself during this time that will make you a better person and a better spouse.

And don't give up hope. No matter how things look, keep on loving your wife and it really is ok to forgive yourself. Two things that are so crucial to your recovery.

All the best to you, AA.

Suicide is NEVER an answer :-(

Yeah Suicide is an answer to the following questions:

1.) What is the one sure way to prove to the people around me that I hate them and I wish them pain and misery beyond anything else?

2.) What is the cowards way out of a hard situation?

3.) What is the most selfish terrible thing I can do to myself and everyone who has ever known me?

4.) What is the most irrational, permanent, disgusting thing I could do to increase my problems exponentionally?

These are the only questions to which suicide is an answer and as you can see these are the stupidest questions ever asked...this one is a no brainer...buck up! Eradicate these thoughts from your mind!

You're darn right that suicide is NOT the answer.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call your doctor or go to your local hospital emergency room a.s.a.p.!

This is one strong hint that you should be looking into getting on anti-depressant medication. It's not a lifelong commitment to meds. But sometimes, it just helps deal with things better. (I was only on them for 4 months. Long enough to get myself back on track again).

Karen

I want to apologize to you all for this post. I was out with friends last night and stupid me I was drinking. Anti-depressants and alcohol do not mix! I guess like some I've thought about things, but I don't feel I would. Too may people DO love me, even if it's not my wife. This episode probably set me back with her again. Pretty soon time will run out after I've really blown my chances with her. If I don't talk to her for a month and do the things I can to change, should I write her a letter explaining my true feelings? I've always been one of those guys who feels guys are tough (a man is a sissy for being emotional). I have never opened up to my wife. This I regret. The only reason I ask about the letter is that our divorce could be final in December. Any ideas?
Alan

First off, read up on all the material on this site: love busters, emotional needs, Plan A/B, etc. There are some good books to get as well, such as "Surviving an Affair" - see the bookstore link. Keep in mind that this material is to help you - your wife sounds likely in a position where trying to "educate" her is not the best thing to do right now.

You mentioned that you "hurt her"... am I to assume that you're a (former) wayward spouse (WS)? You might want to post some added details to help us figure out where you're at.

And yes, mixing alcohol with SSRI's isn't the best idea. I've had some glasses of wine and such since starting Prozac, and I notice it makes me far sleepier than normal. Getting really drunk seems to be a bad idea all around, regardless of SSRI or not... alcohol is a depressant, so no wonder you'd feel like crap.

<small>[ October 07, 2002, 12:17 AM: Message edited by: J.R. ]</small>

You can check out my other posts. I had an EA over a year ago (for 1 month) Marriage was not going great. Iwas working with someone paying attention to me (70 hours a week) My wife and I hardly saw each other. Never got counseling. Wife knew, but tried to supress it. For last year it's been up and down. Everytime we had a fight she'd bring this person up. I finally realized if I don't tell her the "complete truth" I may lose her. I did it and looks like I'm losing her anyway. I have sincerely apologized. She has built up such anger inside her and cannot get rid of it. She has not gotten help and we haven't gotten professional joint help. I go to counseling every week. I know I'm seeing changes in myself. She says she wants to be "happy" and that she loves me, but is not in love with me and that it feels like we're brother and sister. She won't give joint counseling a chance. She says it's too late and we've tried????!!!!
Check out my post on contacting my wife. It says more. Any advise appreciated.