In an effort not to LB I have refrained from pointing out the greatly evident hypocrisies in my wife's statements to her children and friends.

She is really big on being open and honest, almost to a fault, and extols to others all the time "I just can't lie. I always tell the truth." And I have to bite my lip. Or, the newest episode that really kills me now, is her abhorrence for atheists. Well, her 15-year-old daughter has recently declared herself an atheist and mom is all over her case for it and wants to actively find ways for her to change her mind, and has said in so many words that she cannot tolerate atheism and doesn’t understand anyone who can deny God. BUT, guess what? Her 6 mo. PA was with someone who has declared his atheism many times! We have all had our philosophical and theological discussions with him many times before she had her affair with him, so she can’t even begin to claim that she didn’t know that about him. I want to tell her, “Oh I see, it’s not ok for own daughter to be an atheist, but it was sure ok for you to f*** one for half a year!”

My blood boils when I am holding myself back in the face of this inequity. If there is a God, then perhaps this is His ironic punishment for her to deal with. I have told the daughter that I still accept her and I understand what she going through. I too declared myself an atheist around the same age and the best thing that ever happened to me was when I told my uncle and he did not attack me, nor judge me, he just challenged me to take my position from a point of knowledge and not from a point of ignorance. He gave me Will Durant’s book on philosophy and had me read Benedictus de Spinoza (a 17th century heretic/agnostic/atheist). It was very interesting and it started for me a very long journey of exploring my inner-self through reading and questioning. (I am a believer now, by the way)

I am hoping to lead our newfound atheist in our home down a similar path of self-discovery and growth without trying to influence her final conclusions. I believe my wife will further solidify her daughter’s stance by “attacking” her beliefs and her as a person. My wife is now weary of my support for her daughter in this matter and is beginning to watch us closely as we have discussions. She wanted me to join her in ganging up on the daughter to make her change her mind, but that is not me, I am a live and let live type of person, I’m not out to make anyone anything else than what they truly are.

So, when I hear this come up again, and also the “I always tell the truth” bit, how do I ever bring up the hypocrisy of these statements to her? Or must I never do so in an effort keep the peace and not LB in a big way?

<small>[ October 07, 2002, 05:32 PM: Message edited by: Blind Sided ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, when I hear this come up again, and also the “I always tell the truth” bit, how do I ever bring up the hypocrisy of these statements to her? Or must I never do so in an effort keep the peace and not LB in a big way?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't, you simply stand up and leave the room and go do something else.

You are dealing with a person who never takes responsibility for her mistakes, so why do you insist that she behave like a person that does? For an atheist you certainly beleive in somebody that doesn't exist and until you accept the reality that the woman you love is not the woman you married, the better you'll be able to deal with your self imposed prison sentence.

I[m sorry b_s if I sound so harsh, but if you still want to continue to be married to this woman, you'll have to start looking at her like a total mental case and not let yourself get emotionally sucked in to her loony tune world view.

TMCM

Oh, I forgot to mention that in my journey I became a believer once again, but I am spiritual in nature, not religious, so I am not an atheist any longer, but I do maintain some healthy skepticism that tills the soil of my beliefs and constantly refreshes and reaffirms my beliefs.

Loony tunes? Man oh man. You got that right. If I totally detailed out her life for you from childhood to present day she's probably a certifible something or other. Sometimes I want to run out of our crazy house screaming! Even the children, who talk to me and confide in me, see her out-of-control emotionalism, whacked-out mental thought patterns, incoherent logic, and the blatent hypocrisies she exhibits in many of the things that she says and does. In some ways I feel as though we are all captive inside her delusional world and are trying to cope and survive as best we can, but one cannot walk on eggshells forever! I feel bad for the kids, but I still feel like I need to look at all of my options and see what the fallout will be in a DV.

Thanks CoffeeMan

<small>[ October 07, 2002, 05:32 PM: Message edited by: Blind Sided ]</small>

B_S

Even though what I'm about to tell you is not very MB, I still beleive that it is something to seriously ponder.

Go talk to an attorney and find out what it would cost you overall to Dv her and what you can do now to start minimizing the financial impact that a Dv would have on your resources. Mind you that I'm not advocating that you divorce her but to start preparing for the worst because she might beat you to the punch and then you may be in a very vulnerable position to lose a lot of your hard earned resources. Let's face it B_S this M is her third and it will probably be a lot easier,emotionally speaking, for her to end this M than it was to end her first M. She probably figures that she is in the superior position to survive a Dv not only unscathed but with a large chunk of your hide to boot.

You are doing your best to save your M but unfortunately your W feels no obligation to contribute anything on her part. So with this kind of person it is always wise to protect yourself and watch your back constantly.

TMCM

I believe that you may be right. I had thought about this also. The OM is/was an Atty. and I don't doubt she picked his brain for how to go about a DV in her favor. You are right, I need to be well informed so I can make better decisions in this matter.

Thx

You would do well in preparing yourself for dv not for the purposes of a pre-emptive strike against her but to protect yourself and your hard earned assets from her possible treacherous schemes. Find out from an attorney if your State is a fault divorce State where infidelity is more than sufficient grounds for denying any spousal support.

Remember that two thirds of all divorces are filed by the W and many men are caught totally unprepared for it and end up losing more than they should. Don't become another statistic.