I am afraid my ws has signed a lease for another yr in his place.. the place he rented with the down payment and etc.. with the ow.. she only stayed there a week or so... ;( , well maybe good that she did not stay long.. ow num. one that is.

Anyway, I had a nice time with ws last night.. dinner and a nice visit.. we did not relationship talk at all.. so things went fine...

he sent me an email today complaining he does not have enough for his rent.. yadda yadda yadda and maybe I can even do some extra work with him... etc. etc. and that he may have to get a new roommate..

he has our dog from the weekend watching the kids...

and says he needs me to get the dog back-
because landlord put deposit provision in new lease if he has a dog...

First I have heard of new lease, but it has been a yr.

OK, what to do?

ignore it.

I vote for ignore it if you are worried that if you raise it and he says something snide about getting another year that that will trigger an LB for you.

If you just had a nice time with no R talk. I would just respond that you'll pick up the dog. Now, personally I know I would be really tempted to say something along the lines of "Happy to pick up the dog, but I'm curious why you mention the lease". In those cases I have to bite my tongue hard -- when I know that the likely answer from WH will be a trigger for me.

I think you know by now when he's throwing something out there and he KNOWS (believe me he does) that it will cause you raise something/LB. Glad you posted so that you don't react too quickly.

Honey,
Don't worry about the lease. Right now that's his domain, and you can't control or change it.

If things continue being more pleasant and moving toward reconciliation, a lease discussion would then be appropriate. Don't step in and try to fix his problems, unless it has to do with the kids and you need to mediate.

I'm glad you had a nice weekend.

Honey - I am glad you had a good weekend - now how long have you guys lived apart??? Has it been one year - and now he is signing a new lease - is it a year to year lease??? I am just wondering have you set any time limits on how long this is going to go on??? I am not by any means saying what you are doing is wrong - I am just curious wondering how long you are willing to let him live somewhere else?? I am just trying to figure things out - I mean all of my problems started on 10-12-01 though he was cheating since the beginning of 01 - but I mean I am already divorced because I couldn't deal with this crap - though I am still living through crap and I still love him and I have a hard time day to day - somedays - other days - I am ok.... I am just wondering??? How do the kids take it - with you going over there cooking dinner and stuff ??? I am just wondering???

Honey, don't say anything about the lease, I think he's testing the waters again, trying to get an LB reaction out of you!!

Thanks for all the advice.. I mentioned it lightly in an email before I got the advice. don't think it is major lb.. but going crazy you are right he may be trying to get a rise.. he does do that.. it is strange to think people do that on purpose..

truth is, he can't afford it, its' not that nice, etc.. his rent is more than our mortgage and our house is way nicer. .. whatever. It is his problem.

Maw, no time limit, I do think at a 2 yr mark.. I might want to throw up. It has beena little over a yr. I am wanting to throw up as I write that. His issues are deeper than typcial ws, he is an alcoholic.. there is many an alcoholic marriage that went through a yr or more of hell.

THings are improving, and I am hapy for that.. .in hindsight.. prob. should not of replied at all about the lease.. I just asked if it was for another yr... explaining I would like to be able to make my own plans knowing what he has in mind. I am real unhappy about that, esp after last night.

It has only been since april or maybe even june since things went more sour between us, ie , the maid.

We dated and somewhat came back to having a bit of a realtiosnhip after ow num. 1.

Ok, I do want to throw up.

But If I can save my marriage and keep my family together for the next 50 yrs or so I may be on this earth.. what is a yr or even 2? Now more than that... ????? I hate to imagine.

For now I am practicing my everflowing forgiveness, and trying to save my family.

Thanks again for the support, friendship and advice. It is all very much appreciated from everyone.

Hugs, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I think right now it is important for him to see what is missing in his life, his children, his home, and you.

Most leases can be broken by paying and extra months rent, and losing the deposit, etc. I would not concentrate on that. Let him do it, let him realize that he is not happy on his own, not making ends meet, cant see his children all the time. He just needs reality to click in that this is NOT the way he wants to live

Honey - you know what they just don't see it - these WS just don't see it - I have been having a wicked rotten day - My husband got a new car yesterday and i called him - wrong plan - he kind of ticked me off - so I called his answering machine and said you make me feel like crap all of the time - why did I spend all of those years with you - well he called me at 1:00 - and basically again said everything was my fault - that I couldn't admit what I do wrong - that I am always trying to make him feel guilty etc... I could go on and on - and how he isn't abandoning his children - and oh my favorite - how is was set to come back but I wouldn't let the affair just go away - I wanted information about it - and he says he is seeing a therapist now who says that I should have never known anything about the affair - and that he is helping him understand that he made a right choice in divorce... These men who are tearing us apart are really lost - I honestly after about 1 1/2 hours of crying - had to listen to him ask me where were the tears when we were married - I mean come on we never even had fights - i guess you are a better person than me - because this has been one year - and i am done - divorced and on my own - I have tried but you cannot fix something that someone else never even said was broken and then went and broke it himself and never wanted to help you repair it....