Weekend Update,

Friday, H picks up D from school. Standard routine. Calls me to ask if there's anything ready for her supper if he brings her home. I, of course, have something ready. No problem. I was late for work in the morning so have to stay a little later. H has soccer Friday nights. He asks me to be home for 7:00 p.m. I'm home a little later because of traffic. I arrive to find his two soccer pals in the house. My D is happy and having a good time. They take one car, leave the others in the driveway. I act happy. Don't even really greet H because his pals are overwhelmingly nice and welcoming. Inside, I feel pain. I know I shouldn't allow this.

Okay. Let's move to Saturday. I take D to ballet in the morning. Then to lunch with friends. Also pick some of my H's favorite lunchmeats. Don't know why. My MIL had called me in the morning to pick up some home made bread. Instead of heading home from lunch, I go to my MIL's. D falls asleep. I pick up the bread. Drive home. I daydream that it would be so AMAZING to find my H home mowing the lawn like I used to...like we were...God, it really hurts some time only when you let it.

I arrive in my driveway and find H mowing the lawn in his golf attire. I guess he had played golf in the morning. I never ask his whereabouts anymore. I couldn't believe it. God works in mysterious ways. My mother says he was there because he felt guilty. She's probably right.

My D suddenly wakes up. Is excited to find her father at home. I have homemade soup for her. My D asks if he wants lunch. He says sure.

He stays. I go run errands for a little while. I get home. D has fallen asleep. H looks at me. Asks me what is wrong. I say nothing. I say thanks and go to the kitchen to put things away. He says goodbye. He's playing hockey at 8:00. It's six-thirty. I say goodbye nicely.

He walks out the door. I let it out.

Sunday, D and I participated in the CIBC Run for Cure (Breast Cancer). Was a beautiful day. D loved it. I loved it. Felt good.

H calls when we get home. Says he doesn't want to be in the house. Just wants to pick D up. There was a time this comment would have hurt immensely. Of course, I'm immune. Asks me to call him after D has had her supper.

Midway through supper, the doorbell rings. H is at the door with two coffees. I smile and say, Hello warmly. He smiles too.

Comes in. Brings me a coffee. Says again that he has to leave. Can't stay in the house. I tell him that I understand. Yeah, right.

We end up showing H some new clothes I bought. Cute. D insisted that she try them on for her Papa. He ends up leaving an hour later to take her out for a drive.

They come home. I have homemade biscotti baking (Thanks for the idea Pepper). I have just made sauce and I have some turkey breast broiling.

He takes D downstairs. Then he calls me to come and see how D is catching a ball so well. Cute.

Then he takes D up to get ready for bed.

She doesn't want Papa. She wants Mama. He becomes angry. REALLY angry. I try to calm him indicating that she's a three-year old. D says to me that Papa is never home anymore. She says that she wants him home more...

Okay. I convince her that Papa is home tonight and that she should be with him. We play a game. She becomes convinced but H ends up leaving because she won't sleep without me being with her.

H leaves. Backs out into a car by mistake.

Accident #5 with the new truck. Too bad. Think God is trying to tell him something? He calls me from his cell phone right after he leaves indicating that he couldn't see the car that was parked beside our driveway.

Okay. I'm hurting. I'm scared but I'm now showing it like before.

Thanks.

Sounds alot like my life. You are doing a great plan a. AWWESOME GIRL! No lb's.. ! YOu are awesome and that is why he is moving toward you.

Keep it this way- no fights, lb's , why's , what's .. etc. NO PRESSURE>. let him see for himeslf how wonderful things are with you.

He is angry. Men show anger even when they feel sad, etc. confused, lonely.. this is the one emotion men usually show. they are not taught to handle feelings well,a nd just don't anyway, society, etc.

You know all about plan a.. and you are getting good at it! I commend you.

I think he will move closer and you will feel stronger with the role you are in now. NOW don't let him see you cry or get emotional. We are here for you.

A million hugs.

I spent last night cooking dinenr for my h, at his place, and staying over... it was nice.. but then I had to hear about his new lease today... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I do think we are getting closer to the prize, that is, having our families back.

Don't give up...

I am so happy he did something nice for you (mowing yard)- let him do it!
and that he is spending nice time with D in your home.

Hugs, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Terri,
This all sounds good. Remember when we talked a lot earlier about "the dance"? You pull away , he draws closer, you draw close, he pulls away. Just keep doing what you are doing right now, being pleasant, thanking him, but not asking for things.

It sounds like a little Giver has shown up in his behavior.

Terrified, GOOD JOB! You go girl!

Yeehaa!!!
Sounds like you did wonderfully...

What about this Terri...any of the two guys at your house on Friday single...
If one is...what about...
hmmmmmmmm..what about next time you see hubby...say to him that "Bob" sure is a nice guy...don't you think?....and daughter sure likes him.............and leave it at that...

OK it's a mind game...I know...and maybe not fair..may not even even very marriage builders... and I could be way off...
.but why not just plant a question seed...NOT recomending any type of follow up on that...or if not ask your hubby about another aquantance of his that you know is single...just ask...how's "insert name"..doing..I always thought he was so nice..."

and flit away...
you go girl....
ARK

plant a seed...then dance away from any further comment....

Terri,

Good job. Look how strong you've gotten!

Sounds to me like your husband is having second thoughts and is probably dealing with the reality of what he's caused. So he's testing.

What you describe is very similiar to what my husband did to me in the months before we reconciled.

Do you know what your H's ENs are? What about his love language?

Before we reconciled, there was alot of family time, all at his request and at his initiative. I kept detached and friendly.

Any time he did anything for me (like mow the lawn) I thanked him, admired the great job he did, and told him how much I appreciated the help.

Felt like I was talking to a little kid sometimes with all the praise I had to heap on him - especially when I just wanted to scream at him and cry.

But, you see, my husband's love language is Acts of Service, and one of his top ENs is admiration. So when he did anything for me, and I appreciated it profusely and loudly, it helped meet his ENs, and made him feel that I "got it".

You see, Acts of Service is not my love language. Work is just work, just something you gotta take care of as a responsiblity. It never occured to me that my husband was showing love by doing work around the house. And so when I was less than responsive to his "love", it hurt him and drained the love bank.

I've since then, learned to appreciate and admire his love. And thats what I did all those months that he'd come over to see the boys and choose to stay at the house, and choose to call me and ask me for dinner...etc.

Btw, I always thanked and appreciated him when he took me for dinner. That was another way of admiring his ability to provide.

The more I was calm and admiring and thankful, the more time he wanted to be with us. So when it came time for divorce court, he felt that we had a chance to make it, because he felt that I had changed enough that he had hope of being happy.

You're doing fine Terri. You can't do anything about your D's reaction - sounds like she's angry at Dad for his abandonment. This is one of the consequences for his choices. I know it hurts to see your daughter hurting, but this is good for your H, to let him experience some reality.

Maybe he'll get tired of autoaccidents and move home. Sounds like God is trying to hammer something into him a tad forcefully...ya think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Terri,

Following behind Ark and BRs posts.... want to ditto their statements..... Looks like you did good. Keep up the good work.

You D? well let her tell her dad how disappointed she is. I heard about a 5 year old today tell her dad off in no uncertain terms..... you know what? He deserved it. This is where these little ones become our supporters. Don't stop her method of communication.

hugz,
L.