Hi all. I wasn't sure where to post this, so I'll try here.

I heard a story on the radio the other day about how stress raises blood pressure. Of course, we all know this, but this particular study was especially interesting to me due to their findings. They gave volunteers the task of counting backward from 100, and then kept interrupting them to tell them they were performing too slowly for their results to count, etc. Just badgering them. The test subjects had a rise in blood pressure. Another task for the test subjects was that they had to run for awhile, which of course also caused an increase in blood pressure.

The end result was that although both tasks elevated the subjects' blood pressure, in thinking back about the running, even though the subject remembered it was stressful, their BP did not rise in recalling the event. On the other hand, the subjects' BP did rise just recalling the situation that made them feel inadequate or nervous or angry. The moral of the story is that we have to LET IT GO.

I am one of these people who, for some unknown reason (perhaps because I'm dumbfounded that ANYONE who has EVER loved their spouse could have EVER treated them in this way) had a tendency to hang on to the hurts. The only purpose it could ever serve is to refresh the old wounds. Why do I want to do this? We are in recovery, things are better than they have ever been in our married life. BUT I still hold on to these awful, foggy things that were said and done to me before. It's not that they are always in my mind, but they do surface from time to time and I never cease to be amazed that my FWH could have ever behaved in this manner. It's just this total feeling of disbelief, even after all this time. Maybe this will just lessen with time? I hate thinking of this stuff, as I know my BP just goes through the roof. Anyone got any ideas on how to put this stuff behind you and not look back???

MT

I like your BP story. The findings don't surprise me one bit either.

Hmmmm... the best way to "let it go", huh? I need that answer too. I've read on here that making the conscious decision to FORGIVE our spouse, is the way to do it.

I would assume that this task is like anything else in life... where practice makes perfect. I don't imagine that we can just wake up one day and say to ourselves, "Yup! I forgive him", and all will be okay. I wish!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I think it's something that we have to constantly remind ourselves to do, until eventually, it's second nature to us. Just like our plan A's.

I too, hold on to that hurt. I don't know what bothers me more... the hurt itself, or the me holding onto it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> It certainly is quite the predicament we continually put ourselves in.

I do know, that part of my not being able to let it go, is b/c I associate it with letting my guard down. Sheesh! I did that before... and my H ended up sleeping around with other women! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I know, I know, forgiving does not mean forgetting. However, I haven't come to a point in my life yet where I'm ready to distinguish between the two. I guess that saying "forgive and forget" is what's causing me my problems. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Karen