W is living with another man and has our kids there too. she says there having the time of there lives. she says its good for them to be around others. she wants a divorce. wants a clean break doesnt want the house doesnt want alamony or anything. just the freedom to do what she wants. i have not meet her needs. i have not paid attention to her for a couple of years. my job is demanding. she never asked me to quit but i think she would have wanted me to but didnt want me to suffer. she wanted me to be happy even if she wasnt. now she cant stay any longer. she wants a divorce and to live with this guy who only works 2 days a week. my heart is broken. i hate my job. i miss my family. im going to try to do plan B in the hopes that she will come back after i have worked on doing some of the things that i always said i was going to do. im learing to play the guitar. im taking dance leasons. im even going to the gym daily to get off the extra pounds. also seing a doctor tomorow to try and get me emotionally well. can someone help me though. can someone tell me love is the most powerfull thing out there? can someone suggest a book on how to heal a broken heart. or how to wait for your mate to come back. perhaps a way to not want to talk to her so much. i didnt realize she was honestly my best friend. she really was... and i didnt even know it. i have no one to tell my day too. to let out some of my fears. no one to hug at night. not even my kids to say i love you daddy then i can tuck them in... why cant i be the way i was before??? why now do i have to see what i had??? why couldnt i see it??? WHY???

books, suggestions, please?

thank you for this sight. and thanks to those who respond. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Call Harley's radio program. I have several times and have gotten good advice.

Too bad that I ignored the advice given on October 1, 2001 to call OW's H. It would ahve made the pain less.

Ruak:
I know, I know. My WH is my best friend too. And I am in so much agony because he's no longer here for me. I just want to cry every time I think about how I can no longer go to him with my problems or even just talk about the day-to-day trivia. You've sure come to the right place if you just want to vent or get advice or feel like you've got someone to talk to. And it will get better. I've seen so much hope out here.

But first things first - you have to start reading up on what is going on in your WW's head and how you can deal with it. Get yourself a plan. Don't know about how you operate, but for me once I had a plan & started doing something positive, I felt so much better.

Have you printed out every page on this MB website? And read it? And re-read it? That will keep you busy for at least a week solid. And believe me, if you really study this stuff, it will start to get your head straight too.

Start with the Infidelity section. Especially look at the sections on Plan A and Plan B. That will make your pain lessen as you realize there are reasons for what is happening. And you'll feel a lot stronger when you see a concrete plan for dealing with your WS's A and for helping you.

Then start on the Basic Concepts & really study that part too. I've printed out every page and keep it close at hand.

I can't get Harley's books where I live but a lot of people here swear by them: "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs".

There are also some "quick-start" threads on the MB Disc Forum that will give good advice for newbies. Let me see if I can find them and pass them on.

These MB principles make a lot of sense to me. Luckily my Counselor works along those same principles - if she didn't I'd have gotten a new one. Make sure your C follows these principles too. If you can, once you've studied up on these MB principles & especially Plan A and Plan B, you might want to consider giving Steve or Jennifer a call and getting counseling with them. They don't do the same thing your own IC will do - but they will train you in how to do a good Plan A/Plan B and how to apply MB concepts.

Hope that gives you a start. Keep posting and read different threads on this Forum - that'll keep you sane and help you learn as well.

Take care. Good luck.

Ruak,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hear your pain and wish to let you know that you are not alone. You're situation looks very bad right now, and that is because you have received a really huge shock and you are reacting to the events around you.

There are many great books you can read that will help you, I could recommend several. My best suggestion to you is to just go to a bookstore in the self-help section and just pick a few up. You will find what is right for you there, and it will get you OUT OF THE HOUSE for a little while.

Keep posting here, read through all of the material on this web site, and work on yourself. You are making good choices by actively seeking out things that you've always wanted to do, just make sure that you allow yourself some time for your pain.

We are all here to listen and offer our advice when we can.

Good Luck.