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Woman friend said she is emotionally enjoying our company, but vows it is not, nor will ever be sexual. Don't want to irritate you all, but if anyone wants an update, let me know and I will post. I think many people might find themselves in my spot. I tried talking to her, but she gave me a long list of reasons why this is not bad. I am weak maybe, but her reasons make sense
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cautious:
<strong>Woman friend said she is emotionally enjoying our company, but vows it is not, nor will ever be sexual. Don't want to irritate you all, but if anyone wants an update, let me know and I will post. I think many people might find themselves in my spot. I tried talking to her, but she gave me a long list of reasons why this is not bad. I am weak maybe, but her reasons make sense</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Check back in 6 months and be brutally honest w/ yourself and post the truth. -RH-
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that is how exactly most workplace affairs start out, innocent emotional lunches.
Get real with yourself and stop it now. You obviously know you are doing wrong, why else would you post in the Infidelity area??
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Why not tell her that you like her H's company a lot and that it would be a lot more fun if he was included in your lunch dates? If she hesitates then you know that she is not being honest with you, her husband and with herself.
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You are absolutely right that many people here are or have been in your position.... they are all wayward spouses.
Your affair is well on it's way.
Do let us know the state of your life in a few months when it all goes to hell.
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1. Has your wife expressed her feelings to you about OW emotionally enjoying your company?
2. How old are you? You stated you are old enough to remember carbon paper.
3. This emotional cr@p (gag), is what most BS's hate the most. This sort of thing damaged my marriage far more than all H's sexual adventures put together.
4. Enjoy yourself, you dont need our permission, only your wife's.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I tried talking to her, but she gave me a long list of reasons why this is not bad. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So...Is she now dictating what you do, or not do? My WW's OM gave her a bunch of reasons why their A wasn't bad. Especially the one where the OM and the OM W's s3x life was non-existant. Wait!!!! What? OM's W is pregnant? How did that happen? Couldn't be! They have no s3x life! Yep...my WW bought that hook, line, and sinker. I never would have believed she was that naive. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am weak maybe, but her reasons make sense </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So.....when she "cranks it up" a notch or 2, tell me something Cautious....Are you going to be "weak" then, also? Yes you will. Because that is EXACTLY what you are..... Weak.... HCII
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Yea, why don't you change your name to fit ...
Cautious you are not….
New names to consider….
Weak
BlindlyFollowing
OWWhipped
NoMindOfMyOwn
HellBentOnAffair
BreakingWifesHeart
HaveASecret
WhatSheDoesNotKnowWillNotHurtHer .. too long
MeMeMe
<small>[ October 08, 2002, 03:02 AM: Message edited by: zorweb ]</small>
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Cautious,
I have male friends at work...some I have eaten with...numerous times...over years that I have worked there
some are close and are welcome in my home any time...
some have done social functions with my husband...
some I value and treasure....
None are so special that my husband is not or would not be included in any activity that I would do...or would covet any relationship at work to be only "mine"
BUT...never ever ever in any of these have i had to discuss with them any aspect of our relationship not ever being sexual...
Just that fact alone speaks volumes of boundaries that are already crossed....
that is NOT an normal friend at work lunch conversation...
It would freak the heck of me if any of my male friends felt some need to clarify and set boundaries with what is going on between us...
You have already crossed way over the line...you have now engaged in SEVERAL of these conversations in attempting to exactly clarify what is going on between the two you...
I would say the most personal thing that has occurred at any of my lunches....went something along the lines of..."Hey are you gonna finish those fries?"
You obssess about this woman..and have spent tons of time and energy attempting to identify and justify what is happening between the two of you...
Many people getting needs met outside of their marriage do find themselves in your spot...
Skip the lunches my friend...go right for desert...and I hope you really like cake...cause you are well on way of being a cake-eater...
ARK
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cautious:
<strong>Woman friend said she is emotionally enjoying our company, but vows it is not, nor will ever be sexual.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Since there is no problem here you should have no problem telling your wife and showing her these threads. Have you told her yet?
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Guys,
I am new to this but I suggest we save our advice and comfort for OW's H and Cautious' Wife. Both will be posting soon. IF they even exsist.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by zorweb:
<strong>Yea, why don't you change your name to fit ...
Cautious you are not….
New names to consider….
Weak
BlindlyFollowing
OWWhipped
NoMindOfMyOwn
HellBentOnAffair
BreakingWifesHeart
HaveASecret
WhatSheDoesNotKnowWillNotHurtHer .. too long
MeMeMe</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How's about "Tempted Too"
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My H's A started the exact same way with the exact same words...again no friendship (especially one like this) is worth the price you and your family will pay in the long run. The woman has nothing to add to your life that will make it better. If you enjoy the time with your wife like you have posted before than pour all of the energy you are pouring into this relationship outside of your marriage, into your relationship with your family...they deserve it. And you will find that you have no need for the friendship that is developing.
Please reread all replies they do come from the heart and from experiences like yours.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong>[QUOTE]Since there is no problem here you should have no problem telling your wife and showing her these threads. Have you told her yet?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is exactly why I think this person is completely full of it. I've read a few of this person's posts and this question was asked before, and not once(that I've read anyway) has this person answered.
Ok, let's say he and his story are real... Answer the question then!!! Does your wife know about your lunch dates with this woman and the details of your conversations? I'm sure she doesn't.. and why not??? Because you(Cautious) know that she would disapprove and be hurt by it. You know you're betraying her. IF your wife knows everything and doesn't have a problem with it, why are you even posting?
Oh well, had to come out of hiding to put in my 2 cents. Sorry to waste your time.
TTFN
<small>[ October 08, 2002, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: kb4jb ]</small>
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I think this guy is a hoax. And not worth bothering with either.
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maggie, of course this guy is a hoax....or at the very least one who just wants to waste everyone's time and energy here.
However, it was QUITE ENJOYABLE to read zorweb's more fitting name suggestions. Maybe we should have a new name contest?? I want to submit "reckless " and "careless" to the list!
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I'm not a hoax, or a fraud. Just a regular guy who found this site when my brother was having some bad times.
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Cautious,
I think people are just getting frustrated because they are offering the best advice that they have and feel that you are just blowing it by the wayside.
Most people here have had their lives deeply affected by affairs and they just want to help prevent one if they can.
Please go back and read what they have to say.
I've read that you find it hard to believe that your "special" lady friend would find you appealing in any other form other than a friend.
I almost feel as if you are happy that you are getting female attention from someone other than your wife.
Might I suggest that if the friendship is something that you feel is positive and innocent, then arrange an outing for the four of you and be HONEST about it.
I'm not judging you by any means, I just want to help others avoid the mistakes that I have made.
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Do us all a favor, Cautious. Go away, and don't ever come back here until you've spoken to YOUR WIFE about this situation.
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What Cautious typed:
Woman friend said she is emotionally enjoying our company, but vows it is not, nor will ever be sexual. Don't want to irritate you all, but if anyone wants an update, let me know and I will post. I think many people might find themselves in my spot. I tried talking to her, but she gave me a long list of reasons why this is not bad. I am weak maybe, but her reasons make sense.
What I read:
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, deceive my wife blah blah. Blah blah lunch was OK, now I'm ready for "dessert" blah blah. Blah blah what she doesn't know won't hurt her blah blah, blah blah she could be my soulmate, she really understands me in a way my wife doesn't blah. Blah blah blah, because no one's going to tell me I can't have sex with this woman. It's my life and I'll screw it up if I want to blah blah.
Blah.
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