Hi A/C,

Saw you lurking here. How are you today? How is H. Is he over the cold? Does he ever wonder who will give him this wonderful care when you are gone? If only OW could see him now. How ROMANTIC!!

Hi Ute....H is over the worst part of his cold. Nothing has really changed for the worst. Last nite after i went to bed, he went online around midnight, so i guess he wanted to catch her online. The other nite he thought he lost his cell-phone, and was in a bit of a panic. Gosh heaven forbid if she should call and he didnt get it. Before the A he used to turn off his Cell when he got home from work. Now it stays on day and all nite. I wouldnt be surprised if they talk daily on his cell.

I havent implemented any Plan B plans yet. We have a big family occasion thingy for Oct. 19. H's sister's birthday is Oct. 19, my D's is Oct. 19 and my birthday is Oct.20. So every year we do all three together. So my MIL calls a couple of days ago and says how about for the birthdays we go out for Chinese to a nice restaurant. I told her sure, sounds great, but dont know what H will think about it (she knows quite a bit about whats going on). Anyway, when he came home, approached him and told him his mom called. Dont know if i did the right thing at first, but my instincts told me dont ask him if he would like to attend with us, just tell him of the plans. We do this birthday thing every year in Oct. so its not like it was out of the ordinary. Anyway, i can tell i caught him off guard. First he said, well hope you have fun, wasnt sure whether he was joking or not. Then he preceded to talk about the certain restaurant we were going to, where it was and so on. At this point really dont know if its a yes or no to him going. Then i said i have to get back to your mom tomorrow to let her know if the day and time is ok with us. Anyway at this point , he didnt say no, so i assumed he is going, but not really liking the whole idea too much.

So in view of this fammily outing, i think i will hold off on any other stuff and just keep plan aing. After Oct. 19 though , i will have to bring myself to implement some of the ideas that i have gotten from here.

Usually for my birthday he just buys me a card, which is what we mutually agreed upon. Anyway will be interesting to see if a get one this year, i dont think i will. I remember you said you H bought you a card this year. What kind was it, more like a friendship card. I do want to say this to him, tell me if you think it is ok.

I would really love to have a birthday card from you this year. He always gave me realy mushy, love cards, cause he was never good with words like that. Your probably thinking why do you want to set yourself up for that kind of hurt. Well i have a motive, since he is not good with romantic words and has always sent cards that are. Maybee when he starts reading them in the store, it will strike a nerve. He has to buy his sister a card anyway, so its not like he doesnt have to be in the card section anyway.

Still dont know when the OW is coming, havent got the nerve to ask any questions. Im in Canada , so this weekend is our Thanksgiving weekend, i know in the US its, end of November. Anyway, looks like she is not gonna be here for the Thanksgiving weekend, or i think he would have said something like i wont be around much this weekend. Maybe she is the last minute spur of the moment type. Decides one day, and leaves the next, thats all i need.

The whole thing is even when i see a glimmer of hope, no sense in getting your hopes up, cause you just coming crashing to the ground. Like the last talk we had, when he told me she was coming, was like a bomb hit me. I had totally beleived that we were moving forward the last 2 weeks, i couldnt beleive i was so wrong. So now i cannot (which is hard) get my hopes up about anything. All i know is that i need to be prepared about what i am gonna say if he does approach me with news about her arrival. Cause as it stands far as i know, when she gets here, he is going to be spending his time with her. Stupid me told him i can deal with that, what am i crazy. (yeah, crazy in love). Anyway, just starting to ramble here. Cant see myself doing as good as you are down the road, I admire you, take care and God Bless , Sharon.....A/C0810.susan

Susan,

Good to hear from you. Yes H sent me a card I just about fell on the floor. It was just a regular card, kind of funny, about counting calories on your b-day cake. Signed WS. He also needed to be in the card store my 21 yr. old B-day is the day after mine. I think he might have sent a card though because I sent him one. His b/d is in june, before OW got here. But It was just funny. He also sent a b-day e-mail, wishing me a happy day. HAH. Actually you know what? IT WAS!! I had a great day. Except when I got home WH had sent an e-mail about our D papers. Ruined everything. Just my luck he got them on my B/D

Yes, I would not try to push your H into any family things right now or make him feel guilty for not going, BELIEVE ME he feels guilty he is just hiding it. My H was VERY UNCOMFORTABLE around anything and anybody that reminded him he was doing something wrong.

I don't know what kind of man your H was before this happened. Mine was just your average kind of selfish, immature male. That is why I can forgive him. I know he is not a monster. Only a monster would intentionally do this to his family. I know he is just as confused and hurt as me. Probably more. You and I, however are facing this thing head on. Improving ourselves, making dicoveries that will help us through. These poor WS's are hiding, covering, justifing, making poor life choices. It WILL EVENTUALLY catch up to them. Where will we be when it happens? In my view I am making myself strong, if he doesn't come back I will be strong enough to take it and move forward, if he does, he will need someone strong to help pull him back from the abyss.

Susan, I know it is hard but I think you have to try to stop thinking about OW. It will kill you. It did me. It is especially hard for us because OW is some unknown entity. I have met OW, she is young, beautiful. But comparing and wondering what she was saying, doing to my H drove me crazy. I always felt " I have to do this or say that because OW is probably saying THIS or THAT" it is a game we can't win.

My H also became attached to cell phone and computer. I thought it was job search. Boy was I stupid. I am no seer, and I don't want to give you false hope, but I think your H will wake up one day. BUT, and this is a BIG BUT, you can't plan around it. You need to make a plan that is for you. My plan now is for me. My goals are for my family and me. A/C I can't tell you how absolutely terrified I was to be alone, I still am but it isn't as bad as I thought. The world hasn't come to an end,YET <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You will get there. If your H wants to come along great. You however, will be fine. You sound like a wonderful caring person. There are not too many with your strength and understanding. You have to be to even consider Plan A, and your H has been IMO awful to you. They say "Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger" it is true. I can tell by reading your posts that you are getting there. Keep going.

Take care, I'll keep in touch.

Sharon

Hi ute....thanks for your post, always great to hear from you, your words are encouraging to me. I know everything you said is right, but it is so hard, especially not to think about the OW. I will keep you posted on any new developments, take care my friend..A/C0810..thanks for your kind words, they mean alot, in this time for me.

Thanks A/C

You are helping me too. Keep me posted. Do something for you today. I just did. It feels good.

Have a good day, Where do you live in Canada, I have always wanted to visit there. I am in Utah.

Take care,

Sharon
P.S. I am reading a great book called "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends" it is great. Even if you are not "ENDED" yet it has some good insights into fears about divorce and being alone. And a great chapter on Transition, which gives me a real idea of what is going on with my H. Also it discussed the stages of grief and losing a relationship that I think we go through in Plan A and B.

<small>[ October 09, 2002, 08:08 PM: Message edited by: uteconf footballwidow ]</small>