This is really a two part question. My best friend got really close to my H. It wasn't until I felt something was wrong that I started to check his cell phone for calls received and sent that I noticed they called eachother almost everyday during the week, funny never on the weekends. When I asked him what it was all about he said he was just helping our best friends out. H works with her husband and still does. It all started when best friend was having trouble in her M. H told me he was just giving OW advice on how to keep their marriage together. The more I tried to resume a friendship with my best friend the more she avoided me. Any information I received about what was going on in this couple's life came from my H. At the point when H put all of his energy into helping out this OW and all of her drama, I told both of them I felt insecure about where it was all going. I told OW that if she has problems to call me instead of my H. My H for the most part stopped calling her. Ow did just as she pleased and would not stop calling my H. As my H got more involved in her personal life he asked me if I thought she was having an affair with someone because of some of things she had more or less said to him. I have to tell you she is a big flirt and I did know of a couple of A's that she had in the past. I know what you're all thinking right now! LOL. I knew all along that she was having an A with her boss at work and when my H asked if she was, I just told him that I didn't know. Thinking back now why I did not tell my H is because I thought if he knew the truth he would tell her H any ruin their marriage. They have 4 children and one of the four is severely handicapped. In Jan the myself, husband and the OW and her H all went snowmobiling for the weekend as well as other couples. I could not help but notice my H being quite attentive to OW and we ended up in a big fight about it. As that was not the first time we had fought about the same issue. All the while he always denied doing anything wrong but trying to help his best friends out. Needless to say we cut the weekend short and drove home in the middle of the night in a blizzard. Two days later I called my best friend and told her why we left early and I told her that her friendship with my H is creating a lot of friction between us and again I told her to stop involving him in her life. She promised and the next crisis came along and again she called him and when I saw her number on his cell phone I asked H and he said no he did not call her. I called her that evening and asked if H called her and she said yes he did. Another big fight. Now I have to say my H has NEVER been a violent man and there were several times he did come after me. One time I could not go to work because I had a black eye. All because of the fights we were having over the OW. In between all of this I finally told my H she was having an A with her boss. Finally after to many fights and all of her drama my H told the OW H that she was having and A with her boss. Mind you when my H finally told him we were all spending the weekend snowmobiling with another group of couples. And it was the OW's boss the one she is having the A with that is in their home baby-sitting their kids. I'm not making this up I swear. So after telling the OW H, there is no reaction at all from him after my husband is feed up with the whole thing. We drove upnorth with this couple and all the way home which is a four hour drive the OW H acts like nothing is wrong. OW has no idea the H now knows. Nothing much happens when they get home either. OW H does nothing to the boss when he arrives home. Sorta odd if you ask me. Sorry this is so long. Now its Oct and come to find out OW and her H still have the boss watch their kids. Can you believe this? And he is ok with the whole thing. So my question without a lot of stuff I had to leave out, did my H have an EA with this other women and should my H pull completely away from his buddy at work? Neither one of us has any contact with the OW since March. But I do feel my H can find out anytime what the OW is doing from his buddy he still works with. And I do check all the bills and phone calls. If you need more things answered I will respond.

Sure sounds like somebody was meeting somebody's needs. That consitutes an EA.

The fact that the OW didnt want your assistance is a big warning sign. Your H needs to stay away. The OW knows exactly what she is doing. The fact that the OW's H did not react should not be taken as a bad sign. Your info probably embarressed him and he had to digest it before reacting. That was actually a good thing. Guys react slower to this stuff and very different then women.

You and your H need counseling. The fact that your H changed his character due to association with such an OW is bad. Read up on the info here. POJA, his needs/her needs, EN questionnaire are all good info to start with. If you can do some phone couseiling with Steve or Jennifer, it would probably be good.

take care,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now I have to say my H has NEVER been a violent man and there were several times he did come after me. One time I could not go to work because I had a black eye </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If had some fights with my W but I never even came close to hitting her. You can't accept your H hitting you because you are having a fight.
I think the violance problem is far bigger then the EA problem. GET HELP