I'M NITAS43 H WE HAVE HAD A LOT OF TROUBLE. I HAD A AFFAIR ALMOST 17YRS AGO OR SO. SHE JUST HAD ONE WAS IT TO GET EVEN AFTER 17YRS? I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW I WILL GET TO TRUST HER AGAIN OR IF I EVER WILL. MY PROBLEM ABOUT BELIVING HER IS THE GUY LIVES NEXT DOOR AND SHE LEFT ME FOR HIM TWICE.THERE ARE TIMES I THINK SHE IS JUST LIEING TO ME AGAIN AND GOING TO SEE HIM WITHOUT ME KNOWING. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS AND THAT SI TO BE WITH ME TILL WE BOTH TURN OLD AND DIERIGHT KNOW THAT IS REAL HAD TO BELIVE. SOMEONE HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

Swank,

First off, please breathe. I know you are panicky right now and very very anxious.

Please see a doctor about options to help you deal with your anxiety attacks. ok?

Read the concepts section above, take the Emotional Needs questionnaire in that section, read the book surviving an affair and his needs/her needs. Something is missing from your M that is sending your W out there.

When you are a bit more composed, tell us more about this whole thing if you can. ok?

You are not alone. You are dealing with multiple issues. What you did 17 years ago is wrong. What she is doing now is wrong.

U can't fix her but you can understand what is going on, learn how to better yourself and prepare yourself if and when you both choose to work on the M.

In the interim, read read read, post here, vent, apply what you learn, get couseling and meds as needed.

take care and welcome to MB.
L.

My WS told me that I could never trust her again. I told her that if the person I trusted most in the whole world could have an A, I could not easily trust anyone again.
Thinking about this afterwards I thought " How could the OM trust her, if she could deceive her H so easily?" Of greater concern to me was how could she trust OM as he has had an A with another person before and is still betraying OMW?"
Does she feel it can't happen to her as she says she is still trusting?
In answer to your question, reading the posts and articles on this site, the Harleys say that a degree of mistrust is healthy. It makes people think hard before doing wrong things if they think they are going to be caught.
In my case I would still rather trust my W than anyone else in the world as she does still seem to care about me. I feel she has done the things she has done because she "loves OP".

Swank,

How are you doing?

L.

Orchid
I'm doing much better now w told me she is back home for good and it will not happen again and for some reason I beleive her for the most part.We have app. at a M.C. on the 14th at 6:30pm our time. But We are sure we are on the right road now we are talking she is telling me the thing she like me to do to her and i'm doing the same.We feel we are doing real good right now.W said she has NO DESIRE to see the OM at all.W said she knows we are going to make our marriage work even better then it did when we got married 29yrs ago. THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP

Hi Swank,

Good to hear from you. I am glad you are both working with the same goal in mind.

take care,
L.