Well guys,
As you know I filed for divorce a few weeks ago, I was ready. WH's grandmother is dying and he has been calling me occasionally to update me on her condition. Last night he called and said he wanted to apologize, I asked what for. He said, "For everything." I really didn't know what to say back, so I sort of changed the subject. I'm to the point where I'm ready to go on...why in the world is this happening now, and what do I do?????
Thanks for listening.
KK

KK, you are the only one that can make the decision on what to do, what is your gut feeling, what does your heart tell you??

Wh asked if he could come by and see us today, but so far no show. There's been so much of this. I don't even tell the kids anymore when he says he's coming cause he doesn't usually show up.
His words mean nothing to me....I want to see actions now, that's all that's going to work.
Thanks for responding, going crazy, we shall see what happens.
KK

My response here is going to be clouded by the fact that I am a FWS. However, I still think my thoughts may be of use.

I am somewhat confused - you say you filed for divorce, and were ready to move on. Yet your signature line still says: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Trusting God that recovery and restoration of my marriage will start soon (as soon as fog lifts!) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps now the fog has finally lifted? (Our prayers aren't always answered at the time we expect them to be!)

Also, I think I've seen a similar pattern mentioned in many different threads on the recovery board. It takes the harsh reality of the BS actually filing for divorce for some WSs to wake up and begin to escape the fog. Until then, they may still foolishly think that they can go on as they have for so long, since there was no immediate threat to the marriage coming to an end.

But, g_c has a very good response. What is in your heart? Do you want to end your marriage? Do you want to go on without your H and try to find happiness by yourself or perhaps with someone else down the road?

Take some time to mull this one over carefully before you come to a decision. You'll be thankful you did.

Take care,

Jen

KK2002,
I agree with going_crazy. you need to do what your heart and head are telling you. If you need action and he is not willing to do anything but talk, then you are probably in the right frame of mind. I am sorry to hear that you had gotten to this point. Last I met you, you were still hopeful of reconsillation (June lunch). All the best of luck to you! And i hope your WH knews what a great lady his is loosing!

Hi KK,

Hugs.. I am so sorry.. but then I am glad that you got the apology.. at least a bit of one.

Remember that the Harley's say we , bs, may never get the apology we are looking for.

I heard a great sermon this weekend about forgiveness. it was so awesome and it talked about how our sins are COMPLETELy.. washed away by Christ , and how all we have to do is ask...

It got me to thinking and helped me see that even though everyone in the world tells me to dump the creep.. that ... I can still forgive him, as Jesus does all of us.. And also who am I to be asking for my own version of an apology.. for him to be begging and apologizing on end .. and explaining to my heart's desire how wrong he has been.

Men are much less capable than us women in expressing emotions, spirituality and feelings, etc.... communicating. sad, but true.

NOW, I definitely think you should do whatever you want... but maybe he is a little awakened by your filing... maybe the D will go on and happen. I am glad you are OK with that.. you have had to salvage life for you and the kids and take care of everything , with him just running away and turning to outside things for happiness.

It is horrid and you know he does feel like pure ugliness to do this to you and your family.

I know in ways he feels powerless over the things that are making him feel good right now...

You may be too good of a woman for who he is right now, he surely feels undeserving..

YOu are so sweet and kind, and such a strong christian. You have been the model of kindness, and I truly think you are being ever so graceful about the whole thing.

I admire your strength.

You do what is best for you. if you decide you can forgive.. and marriage is also ... suppossed to be a conditional love.. according to the Harleys, and even the bible has that conidtion where adultery is OK.. reason for divroce.. but they say that is because of the hardening of man's heart. Now you definitely have the power to soften and love him, I know this...

However, I think you are a very smart woman to have boundaries and know he may not be honest with you right now..

All in all, do what is in your heart and keep KK safe and happy. Smile and love you.

I hope this is not too much rambling, and I also hope my little bit from the pastor doesn't make you twinge. I heard that, and may be hearing that ... forgiveness thing... in a possibly unhealthy way for me and even my kids... Because NO, we cannot be lied to and treated like dirt.. that is not what GOd had in mind for us here on this earth, in marriage, in the relationship that is suppossed to mirror GOd's all consuming love for us.

I just have to open my own heart and forgive with a little less expectation of remorsefulness...

but repentence.. now that is a requirement to save the marriage.. restitution may be the better word... That willingness to make what was wrong right and restore the relationship.

That has not happened yet, with you or I... and we can only pray that one day our husbands will come to this point.. now will we be available for them? Only time will tell.

I truly feel some hurts may cross a line that can't be crossed back over into that happy trusting zone. You can only treat someone so terribly and expect the marriage to be restored, right? I mean, would we take child molesters or murderers as our spouses.. than why liars and cheaters? and abandoners? I don't know at this point. I only know Jesus' love is something we can mirror, if given reason enough to- we are not taught in the bible to take unreasonsable and disrespectful treatment from others, especially our husbands.

Anyway, just rambling. I hope I gave you a thought or two.

I care, and I am praying for your family.

HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kk2002:
<strong>His words mean nothing to me....I want to see actions now, that's all that's going to work.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I totally understand that, actions do speak louder than words. I think that it was a big step for him to apologize, maybe for the first time, he is being brought down to face reality, his sick grandmother, his wonderful family, all falling apart at once.

I hope and pray you make the right decision, whatever that may be for you. I also think that Jen Brown has a point, this could be reality check with him.

Maybe he is trying to reach out, but feels so much guilt, cannot express it, can't face you or the kids?

KK,

An apology? Good sign. Shows his heart is still beating and has feeling.

Well not a big thanks but a small acknowledgement maybe good or even just a nod. Big step for him but small step for mankind. He doesn't need you making a fuss over this, just let him say his piece and he will find that he can do this without the world makng a miniseries production out of it.

KK, vent here. Ask whatever you want here. Then keep a side eye on his actions.

He may backslide so don't get your hopes up too high. But this is definitely a good thing. Nice to know he still has a bit of normalacy in him.

I hope he shows more progress. Losing his grandmother may have hit home and made him think of his own futility. We are all so fragile. These kinds of times tend to make one reflect and A's just don't reflect well.....

ya know like the way the movies say, 'dracula has no reflection'?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh, getting too silly here... gotta go.

take care,
L.

Hi KK, I am glad to see you back. I guess its 'Murphy's Law' that this will happen when you think you've got it sorted. There is always a spanner being thrown in somewhere.

Keep in touch