At this time I believe that things have cooled down between WW and OM. I have not seen any evidence of their involvement. The last time that I did any spying or snooping was about a month ago and didn't see any evidence of it at that time. They used to get together at our home some nights after work, I went by our home a few different nights and also watched where OM went when he got off at 2am, and he didn't go to our home. I know this isn't the most compelling evidence, just made me feel better at the time.

My WW has left the job that they most recently shared together, due to a scheduling conflict.

WW called me the night after being served with D petition, crying and apologizing for hurting me. We had sat together earlier that day at our house and talked for about an hour. Definite LBing went on with a lot of, "you did this, yeah, well you did that". I told her at the time that she could have the house because I didn't feel like I could ever live there again since she had hurt me there, and brought up some references to things that I had read in the emails that I found that confirmed their A on D-day. When she called and apologized I didn't really say much.

I would still like reconciliation even though I filed for D. My filing was primarily to keep her from leaving the state with our children. She had made enough statements at the time to make me believe that she was about to do that.

I feel like the fact that my wife would have a hard time forgiving me for something like an A, if she ever really could, would stop her from initiating any reconciliation.

I am wondering if I should tell her that I forgive her for this. I know in my heart that she has been hurting for a long time. So have I, she just allowed this A to begin to help to heal that hurt.

Her birthday is coming up in about 10 days and I'd like to take her out to celebrate it. She has no family here to celebrate with. I'd like to maybe offer my forgiveness at that time.

Thanks and God Bless.

Here's my opinion (and remember, it's only MY opinion - not fact. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ):

If you are going to forgive your W, I think that you should tell her in the past tense, at an appropriate time (or as close to one as you can get). "Honey, I forgave you a long time ago. What I need now is to forgive myself for the things 'I' did to help create the demise in our M." IMO, it's so important to take the blame focus off of your W, b/c you know that you had a 50% share in the pre A environment.

I'm not sure if telling your W that you forgive her on her birthday is such a great idea. You obviously know your W better than anyone else, so it's ultimately your call. However, I see that by you doing that, you may be putting quite a damper on the evening. I think it's fantastic to take her out on her b-day. But you should just do that. Enjoy your time together. Make it a plan A night! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Telling her that you forgive her could be LBing (if she thinks that you did all of those nice things just to tell her that - b/c it COULD make you look like you're putting yourself up on a pedestal, blatently pointing out that you're the better person b/c you're offerring forgiveness).

My thoughts could be far fetched, but I wanted to share them with you anyways. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep us posted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

It is wonderful that you have forgiven your wife for her part and I do agree that if you recognise your part in this situation, ask for her fogiveness as well.
Forgiveness frees your wife from a whole lot of hurt but it will also free you and help you. It is a gift to your marriage.

thanks for sharing, it is good to read about positive aspects of recovery.

Biscayne,

I would have to agree with Topie25, I wouldn't tell her on her birthday. I am a FWW and knowing my H forgave me was important, but had he done it on my B-day I would have thought he was rubbing it in my face that he is a better person. The hardest part for me as a FWS was to forgive myself.

DU

Thanks folks!

I, of course would hope that my forgiving her may open the door to recovery. She's been a little distant this week, which has made me uncomfortable.

Definitely,

Would you mind sharing a little more of your story, at least the steps that lead to reconciliation. Or if you can post a link here that I can follow to your story. I wish they would set up a place here on the boards so that those who have gone into recovery can post at least one last time to give us all a little hope. I know for myself that I will more than likely go away from here once (and if) we go into recovery. At least once things are going smoothly.

It's encouraging to read recovering posts. Also very helpful to us BS to hear some of the thoughts and advice from FWS to help coach us along and give us some insight into our WS minds.

P.S. Do you feel like you have changed a lot as a person since the A. I can tell that my wife is still not her old self and don't know if she ever will be. May still be a lot of depression over our lives for the past several years and the A. Just seems like someone different to me.

Thanks again and God Bless