He called here to ask a question about the car he gave my son so I took the opportunity to ask him about the arrest. I told him a friend of mine at work saw his name in the paper. I asked him what happened, he told me the whole story and added that he has stopped drinking altogether. Then I asked him if he was alright..
he actually said "yes I am OK..thanks so much for asking"! He told me that he had asked Valerie not to say anything about it to anyone. This is probably the only time I may have Lb'd, but only a little. I told him that I wish he wouldn't put Val in the middle like that. It was traumatic for her to see that and if she wanted to talk to me about it she should have been able to. BUT HE AGREED!! I am shocked!

Also...it has been one year today since we separated. So many changes in my life since then! I don't know if we will ever get back together, but at least I can see some positive signs on his part. He is seeing things more clearly and hopefully the fog will lift enough to realize how destructive their relationship really is.
BH

Hi BH

I am glad that you spoke to your WH - I know there were all the ups and downs and thoughts about whether you should or not, but hopefully the whole experience has shocked him enough to stop and think, and yes, maybe even stop drinking. Sometimes it has to be the very extreme things that make us realise that we have to change.

It seems very positive that he agreed with you and was perhaps concilitary? I am sure you feel better for knowing that you have spoken to him. For me, sometimes the what to do is even worse than the doing it!

Glad to know you are doing OK. Hopefully your D may still come and spend more time with you too.

Lisa

Patti - It must have been nice to talk and actually make some headway through that brain of his.. I am glad he has stopped drinking - maybe like you said he will see that his relationship is destructive - I mean I know how you feel - you definately do not want him with the neighbor - I know that feeling only to well - I am thinking if he had to be with someone other than me then maybe a complete stranger would be easier to handle. At least you also let him know not to put Valerie in that situation - because then she would get screwed not knowing what she should be telling you and what she can - that is a position that no one wants to be in especially a child in between their parents. Well I am glad you are through with this dilemma - and all went smoothly - How is the job search going????

Hi LiL - The decision to talk to him was very confusing to say the least! I'm glad I waited and didn't call him right away because I was able to calm down and get my thoughts together. It all worked out and we actually had a pretty good conversation. Unfortunatley I don't see any evidence of the happy couple splitting up. I will just do my best to be the person I can be when I talk to him and hope for the best. I wish my daughter would come stay with me too...between Julie's husband and his threats and the turbulent relationship my H and Julie have, I just don't think it is a good environment
for Val to be around. Thanks for your response LiL! I hope you are doing Ok too! I have been keeping up with your story and my heart goes out to you! I will keep you in my prayers!
BH

Hi Mimi! How are you? You are soooo right!! A's are difficult to handle under any cirumstance, but when they involve your friend, neighbor, kids friends' mother, someone your kids looked up to....well you get the picture! You know all too well what I am talking about! I'm glad it is over too...it's weird that it ended on the anniversary of the day he left! The job search is not going well. I have dropped off several applications, but haven't heard back from anyone. When I call, they tell me they are still going through all the applications received and will get back to me. It is so frustrating! I have an interview with a staffing service on Friday morning. Hopefully, that will produce something! Thanks Mimi!
BH

Hi
I was wondering how you were?
Yes there relationship is very destructive it shows and comes out in there drinking. It's a sure sign something is very wrong with that picture his concious is getting to him.

Just because you've been separated for 1 yr doesn't mean a thing. Read my signature anything is possible. H told me he didn't divorce me because he hope for reconciliation. H also keeps in contact with me because of a strong bond. That came out of his mouth.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Malc for checking up on me! Things are better at their house. H has stopped drinking (for the most part) but she hasn't. No fights in a while. (This is according to my daughter). I have been talking to my H a lot lately. Most of the time, it is me who initiates contact, but always for something about my son. We have nice conversations, no LB's no relationship talk, just friendly talk.

I finally got a job up here in Maine, so I am very excited about that. So, things are getting a little better here. Thanks again for thinking about me!

BTDT - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> right back at ya my friend!

BH

BH-

Glad to hear you are doing well. Your story is an inspiration to me, even though the M didnt work out (yet?)**, you have risen above this and have shown there is life after the devastating effects of an A. Amazing how our choices can lead us down such different paths, I am a firm beleiver that God holds us 100% accountable for our sins.

I wonder if WH ever asks himself "you know, being married to BH wasnt so bad after all, and to see how well she is doing after all this." If it was me, and I had my choice between you and that OW, you know who I'd pick! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hope WH does get the help he needs, not only for the drinking (as I am dealing with myself), but also for whatever issues are causing him to be in such a destructive relationship. I know that heavy drinking is just a sympton of deeper problems, sort of like putting a bandaid on a broken arm. He has children that are watching this and giving them a very warped perception of what healthy relationships look like. But, there isnt much you can do for him, he has to get the help himself. Just be careful that you dont allow yourself to get sucked into his problems, there are some people on his side of the fence that you just dont need in your life.

Be proud of who you are and all you have accomplished, you have my utmost respect.

** remember my neighbors I told you about, the ones who both had WS's? She moved out because xH was back and she wanted to give it another chance. Well, guess what, shes been seen a lot next door with H and rumor has it that she is moving back in, so you never know, do ya.

Wow, LHS, thanks so much! You will never know how much I needed to read this today! You know how some days you just don't feel "up"!! This just made my day!!
BH

BH
You say OW is still drinking WHOA, she could be the one who initiate the next fight. I bet it's guilt. You can't keep that act up forever the truth will reveal itself.

Hi Malc,
Funny you should say that....she started a fight with my daughter friday night and told her she wanted her out of the house! Of course, my daughter is a fiesty one and told Julie that if anyone was going to leave it would be Julie! I don't know where my husband was during the fight (which was at 2:00 a.m.), but they are all still at the house and no one has been "kicked out" yet. My husband's aunt died Friday morning and the wake is today. I am going to start a new thread on the perdicament that is going to happen today. Julie is going to the wake and I am really disturbed by that. Anyway...thanks Malc. What a coincidence you should write that about her starting the next fight! Even though it wasn't with my H, she did start a fight while she was drunk!
BH