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Elad posted to Resilient... which made me think that HE's not been around much either... nor has new_beginning... jeffers... WAT... plus MANY others... I have been wanting to do this post for a while... thinking how much a part of my life some of you were last year... being so THANKFUL for MB and its WONDERFUL posters! So... news... updates... etc. from our MIAs... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! I'm at work... so I can't post an update... but it is percolating <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ... HUGZZZ, Cali
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Cali,
Great to hear from you. No, I am not one of the original but I know you know who I am. (lost) I am so happy to hear that everything is going to great for you.... CONGRATULATIONS.......
As for me. Just found out ow works with H. H has lied to me for 7 months. Kinda freaked out. Major LB'ed. Last night H said he didn't know if he wanted to make us work. Told H that if he wanted to leave it was his decison but I didn't want him to leave. Now planning on Plan A 100%. And leaving this whole A behind me. I think it is about time I put my obsession behind me. I can't make H do what I want him to do H has to be
want to save our M too.
The drama continues........
lost
<small>[ October 09, 2002, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: lost ]</small>
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You aren't kidding...it's like every went on vacation for a while <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Things are good here. My hired help quit, but that's neither unexpected nor unwarranted. We didn't work well together and he did not have the drive or personality to be a technician. Work actually picked up just after he quit...of course. Now I don't know whether to just wing it, or hire a secretary or try to train someone else to be a technician. Ugh...whatever... H and I are doing great! We're not honeymooners by any means, but we steal the moments we can. We're hoping to do a little mini vacation to SD after corn picking is done. I think this little sabatical from message boards has done me good. I don't find myself reading and posting for hours...hours that need to be utilized more wisely. I do hope to find a couple of hours a week when things slow up a little this winter to try to contribute more. Here's a link to some pics of our son and a family pic of us!! family pics
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Joined: Jul 2001
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lost... the drama will become less the more you "learn how to hold onto yourself." It also helps that pursuer/pursuee dynamic to become less... I am now into 18 months past d-day and about 8 months into recovery and I will have to say that I FEEL GOOD! There is a normalcy about life that I once doubted that I would EVER feel again... hope4future... girlfriend... that's a HANDSOME family you have... what a cute "bug"ger! He's [i]almost[/b] as cute as my three <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Good help IS hard to find... LOL... DH is answering my questions... and w/ each question answered I find myself settling down and BELIEVING... my prayer is that HE start to work on himself in a more structured way... church and men's Bible study can only help SOOO much... but, I am learning to trust God knows what he's doing... Cali
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You rang? Well here I am. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Quick update. We're doing just wonderful. I'm slammed beyond belief at work. It's just that time of year. Vacation is coming in 30 days counting today!! We're running away for our 5 year anniversary. Can you believe that we've made it 5 years?!?! There are to many people to thank for our success. Back to work before I get busted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Hugs! K
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Joined: Aug 1999
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Hi Cali, I'm a lurker, I admit it. Not much of a poster anymore though. I'm not sure what to say anymore. My experience comes off sounding like "Do what I say, not as I do" and I generally end up feeling worse after I post. And frankly, half the time I'm not sure how the recipient feels about what I've written either... Selfish of me, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Last week someone called me out, and a friend emailed me about it, or I'd never have known. It had dropped off the page before I even knew about it. By way of an update: I'm loopy in love with my husband - but my life is still very difficult. I made some poor choices and am finding a way to live with that. I have good friends and a loving family who help to keep me grounded, and who are praying for us. I am blessed. Thanks for asking...
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Joined: Mar 2002
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Cali,
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... the drama will become less the more you "learn how to hold onto yourself."
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Just be loving and not LB right?
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It also helps that pursuer/pursuee dynamic to become less...
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What does that mean? Please clarify. Are you telling me not to pursue my H? Let nature take it's course? I know you are doing great, I am happy for you. But I need something to hold on to at this point. What did you do and how did you handle it when you found out something new?
lost
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BUSY day at work... cannot post like I used to... kind of nice that I don't NEED to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ... Knewjie... so glad you checked in and to know that you and [H] are doing well... new_beginning ... YOU were among the first to post to me... you're posts... the good AND even what you consider the BAD... was always very helpful... about your life being difficult... our pastor has a great description of that... that a life made w/ right choices is a straight shot to Him... but that when we get off course, we can still get to Him... we have just put obstacles in the way... so I understand what you mean... Life would be so much easier if we weren't human <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and didn't make mistakes. lost... pursuer/pursuee generally refers to who takes the lead in the relationship... the initiator... the caller... the kisser... the first to say "I love you." I actually had to force myself NOT to call him... NOT to say I love you... NOT to... I had a list and I worked on them one by one... month by month... As for the 'new' stuff... as I learn more about myself... why I do what I do... feel what I feel... what he DID becomes less important... It is not so much about trusting my H, but more about trusting MYSELF and my REACTIONS... as well as trusting that God will see me through it all... I am working on no longer NEEEEEEEEDing my H in a dependent fashion... but being in an independently/interdependent/dependent relationship. Cali
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Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!!! Yes, I know I've been MIA. I've been dating and may have something to report in the near future <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Went to my 30 year high school reunion (a blast!), planning on another sailing trip next April with a BIG crowd of friends (St. Lucia), getting my son adjusted to his new school (9th grade <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ) and dodging bullets here in metro D.C. Life goes on and I'm not looking back, other than to work on my book once in a while when I feel motivated. I would not be where I am today without this forum and all you good people.
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finally... a little "down" time... Things are going pretty well in Cali's world... As I stated above, I am feeling 'normal' again... remember when you first found out and you wondered if you would EVER feel 'normal?' Our pastor did a very timely sermon series on Marriage and not too long after, I noticed some changes in H... he is much more open to 'fixing' things and reconciling... between us... not just being 'co-parents.' There are many WOWs that are happening. We are in escrow for a house (remember the summer of house-hunting?). We have both been able to say HER name and have a conversation about the A instead of an argument. We are working together as parents better and as partners better. I dare to say that THIS way is the WAY I ALWAYS knew it could be... Peaches and cream ALWAYS? NOT! but, it does seem like we are getting dessert more often than we used to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and the ANGER seems to be losing its steam... I am even noticing that the whirling dervish child doesn't whirl as much as he used to... Cali
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Hi Cali,
I could've sworn that I was just here. Well, it seemed like I was posting just the other day. Or, maybe I was only thinking about posting - more likely. I guess it's been a few days since I checked the board, had a feeling last night that I should check up on things....
I've often felt the urge to give an update, but I could never figure out how to summarize exactly where I am. I always come back to the teacher's maxim- if you can't explain it you probably don't understand it. Life's still a roller coaster and it looks like I'm not going to be let off soon... and I think that's how it's supposed to be.
I wonder about "normal" as well. Am I normal now? Do I want to be? I've been wondering lately if we're falling back into the same relationship dynamics we had 2 years ago. Problem was, back then I was on the verge of a meltdown- and knew it- now I don't feel as reactive as I was. I wish I could say that I've "figured stuff out". I'm pretty sure I know some things I didn't back then, but in terms of weaving it together into some kind of coherence- I'm not sure I've done that yet. I must say that life has taken on whole new twists and complexities that I never imagined would be there... I really liked that revelation.
I took Jim Conway's advice last summer. He said that if you're going to have a MLC make sure you at least get a car or a sailboat out of it. I took that as an excuse to be really selfish for about a month. I spent some money on myself without consulting anyone (DW) for advice, or approval.
It was a very liberating experience. I didn't realize how much I look externally for approval of everything in my life. I'm still mulling over all the ramifications of that insight.
Yikes! I've been sitting here working on this tiny, short reply for over two hours. Just highlights the difficulties I'm having trying to give an update of an incoherent situation.
Jeffers
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