Hello to everyone. I found about this sight a few months ago. It has been very helpful to me. Must I say that I'm the WS. My hubby had an office affair with his coworker 7 months ago. I found out via his email. From reading the emails no sex involved, but hadn't I found out when I did I think it was headed that way. I read all the emails which was very painful to read. I replay them in my mind often. We have been married for 10 years and we have 5 children. I truly trusted this man and gave him my all. I guess my all wasn't enough for him so he had to seek elsewhere. Since then, he deleted his screen name and we got joint screen names which he don't receive much mail. I know that he receives much of this mail at work and I have no access to that. Through searching the computer files I do see where he has an email account via one of the free email providers. Things have been going well with us so far. My question is, should I ask him about that. I would love to know who is emailing him that he has to have his own private email. He is a very private person. He's the type of person who thinks, his friends are his and mine or mine. I don't like that to some point. I always think he is hiding something. There's not a day gone by that I don't hurt in some way or another. This is very painful. Any advice, I sure would appreciate it.

First off, welcome. Read everything here & ask questions.

It's not an easy place to be but you can get through it.

WS - wayward spouse - your husband
BS - betrayed spouse - you

I guess my all wasn't enough for him
Not necessarily true. He put himself (for whatever reasons) in a place where he was vulnerable and he screwed up.

I always think he is hiding something.
Has he given you any reason to think otherwise. In other words, what has he done to EARN the trust back? Not much from what I am reading.

Thinks aren't "magically" going to get better. It's gonna take work on both your parts.

I suggest you read "Surviving An Affair" and His Needs, Her Needs" as well as the articles posted on this site. Don't be in hurry to get everything fixed overnight though. Slow & steady.

Trust me who is still there.........A co-worker affair is the worst. The temptation is always there. He or she will have to leave or your marriage will never get back on track. They call it an addiction and the addiction is staring him in the face day after day after day. Eventually, and I hate to sound harsh, but they give in to it and you are back to square one. Our therapist told us that, and anything you read on plan B (please read it-you will then understand) that a total 100% disconnection from the OW is the only way for you to go on. My H is looking for work out of town (28 year career to say goodbye to) because he now realises that it is either that or divorce.(the A started again after 6 weeks of trying to rebuild)It has now been 5 months since the discovery and only 6 of that was without the OW.

Plan B - 1 week
Married 30 years
2 children 26 & 28 not speaking to their dad.
Hopes for a future together if we can leave town.

Chris, thanks for your response.

Also, thanks for correcting me on the WS and BS, I'll get there.

You asked if he has given me any reasons. The only thing so far I see is the other email account that I know he has. I can't get into it because I don't know the password, but I know it's there. One other thing he does is always clear the history after he finishes the computer, but little does he know that I still know how to track where he has been. I hate with a passion that I have to do this too. I hate that it even got to this point in our lives. I just wonder if I should bring it up to him that I know he has another email account.

As for the suggestive readings, I think I will get that book. It seems as if though I am the only one doing all the self counseling and reading and he has not done any on infidelity.

Still confused, thanks for your reply.

So that's the answer huh? He needs to find a new job to get away from the OW. They work in totally different departments and he claims he don't even speak to her anymore only in passing. Wish I could believe that though. We did talk about that once though but not anymore has the subject came up. I guess I need to do that.

I just don't know what to believe anymore. I believed in him so much before. It's horrible thinking things will never be the same again. I know some people say it will get better. When? How long does it take. I feel horrible everyday.
Eventhough I try to hide it, it is eating me up inside to know that my husband desired someone else after all we have been through.

I have a question for you. Did you ever contact or see the OW? If so what did you say to her. I don't even know what she look like. I went to his job once but I didn't get even a peak at her. I think I would like to though.

Install some spy software on your computer. There are programs that record every keystroke.Then you'll have his e-mail password and will know for sure what is going on.