Why does my H talk about how he loves our children and then won't spend time with them, or won't buy a pizza, or pay a doctor bill. Why does he keep harping in the same faults I had during our marriage? I am sure I had many more and these 6 are getting old. I have admitted and and told him I am sincerely sorry for my short coming and it does not good. Any suggestions?

I think it is the unconditional love thing. He probably knows that he can bring up your faults and you will accept them, and keep coming back for more because now you love him or at least love you life enough to want to make the marriage work. In your heart it is for better or worse. He forgot those part of the vows because he then would have to face his fault. He maybe can't live with the fact that when it got tough, he poured his energy into selfishness instead of your marriage.

This is true in my case anyway. I feelthat I did have my faults but I trried the best I could giving freedom to a fault. I never asked where he was or ever even thought he would lie. He knew that and it enabled him to have an affair for 2 years. Since I found out, I have worked on me but he really feels he was the perfect man, giving me all that I desired and that I threw the marriage away. He deserved the A because he had been such a good husband. If he was realistic which they can't be at this point, he would have to face that he was attentive to another and bought me material items out of guilt. He would have to face the hurt he selfishly inflicted.

The long and short of it is that it is easier to blame me than himself.

He probably does love the kids but cannot face what he has done to them. Now that mine have become vocal about their disapproval of his behavior, he is trying to buy them off too. They are to smart for that.

Be good to yourself. This is about you not him. He took care of his needs.

I took my son shopping today for a treat. H came to see him before we left. As usual he would not speak or look at me until I spoke direct to him. He could not ignore me then because son would see. Trip was fine until we starting looking at xmas decorations. Then son started to cry and we had to come home. Should I tell my h or not.

I really need some imput. I think my h is waiting for the 6 month period to be over and then he will file for D. He told me once when h first left that we live in a no fault divorce state. I think he got thid info from his "friend". Should I tell my children what is going on and prepare them? Should I just ask him what are his plans? The 6 months will be up Jan. 1. If this is what he is planning I just want him to be honest. If he remembers what that is.

need imput please

Hi,
I'm sorry I am not up to date on your story, so I have a few questions.
1) Are you seperated and in Plan A? If in plan A, no relationship is probably best unless brought up by H.

2) What are you afraid of happening if you are in a no-fault state?

3) Do your kids no nothing of what is going on?

4) Did you and your H come up with the 6 mo. time span? What did you discuss would happpen after that?

I think you might be able to discuss this with your H and not LB if you keep the conversation calm and sincere, but it is really up to you. I know I would want to know what my WS is thinking. Wishing you all the best!

PQ

My thread is in (in recovery - i want my marriage) I am having a bd day today. Yesterday I got up extra early, put on a roast, came in at lunch and fixed trimmings, called H and invited him to eat lunch with the boys. I was working and would not be there. He came later but would not eat with them. I wish the children would tell dad they would never want to see him again. Childish I know but I am in a pity party mood. H says he is not coming back and said he has told one son but not the other. He wants me to move out, H has fantasy they will not want to leave this house and stay with them. They are old enough to decide. He throws that in my face whenever he brings up subject. He is the one who left and he doesn't get it yet that when he left me he left them too. His mom told me yesterday that he is miserable about something. I think he is tired of living with parents. He thought I would just move out since he said to, after all he has had his way his whole life. I am working on my faith right now and I just feel that I will never leave this house. I cannot explain it. Today is the day the boys eat at his mom's. Since he would not come here yesterday I wish they would not go there today. Petty I know. Any suggestions.

Tonight is the night H is usually mad at me over something. I really dread Sunday nights. How can I ask him to leave and not LB? I want desperately to see him but it is getting where he is scaring me with his anger at me.

If his anger is truly scaring you, and if you honestly feel that your life is in danger, then do something legal about it. Get a restraining order, or call the police on him. Do NOT be a victim!

As far as not LBing when you see your H later on tonight - practice makes perfect! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Seriously, you need to practice your REactions to HIS actions. If the kids are out of the house, then talk to yourself throughout the rest of the day. Create your own dialogue (monologue? considering it's only you? LOL), using all kinds of possible scenerios. PRACTICE OUT LOUD what you should say and how your body language should be.

If your H is so full of anger, as my H was during his A's and our separation, then he's probably going to act selfish NO MATTER WHAT you do or say. However, if you can be the better person, by being the best you you can be, then you'll soon show your H that his justifications for leaving are non-existent.

Karen