I have to go down the street where our house is to pick up our boys from school. On the way to pick them up WW called me on the cell to tell me that she would bring by oldest son's sleeping bag tomorrow (so he can go to a friends slumber party / birthday party) and visit with the boys. I would be literally a couple of hundred yards away from the house within minutes of her call and no reason why we couldn't just stop by and pick up the sleeping bag. I didn't think anything of it and went ahead and picked up the boys from school. On my way back home to where I'm staying (I'm staying with my parents) I passed OM's car headed down the street to our home where my wife is living in our house. I turned the car around and as soon as I did his car turned down a side street.

Lousy rotten *#@%& coward. Both of them. Now I know why WW called. It was to head me off so that OM and I wouldn't cross paths at the house when I stopped by to pick up the sleeping bag. I'm 90% sure it was his car. Add that to the phone call and it seems like pretty compelling evidence. WW has to go to work later (at least if that's not a lie also.) If I go up there later to confirm that she's working and find that she isn't I may make myself and the kids scarce so that she doesn't get to visit with them. I hate using the boys like this, but if she feels like it's more important to arrange a rendevous with the OM than to see her children when she can then I have no sympathy for her.

She had called me last night to ask me to pick up the boys from school today because "she had to go into work early". Sounds like more ground work to cover her tracks.

She had been a little more distant than usual the last week or so, and had also taken off the ring that she had been wearing on her wedding finger. It was a ring that she really liked that I surprised her with for our 10th anniversary, and it kind of set my A radar off. Looks like I was right on the money.

I had planned on taking her out for her birthday next week. After seeing this today it puts my emotions back on the fritz, and have no desire to do anything nice for her.

Does she think that I am just that stupid or does she just not care?

Biscayne,

As hurtful as this is..... IMHO, the WS doesn't care. Yes, she does think you are stupid enough to fall for her antics.

Now you use this knowledge and plan your actions. Real important here. Your children are already pawns. The question is how long will you allow them to be used as pawns? If you say no more, then it may put them in some stressful situations that they would eventually have to deal with anyway. The good thing is that children actually prefer to deal with issues as long as they know someone is supporting them (ex: my son wrote a letter to his dad, knowing that he and I were on the same page and his dad was way out there in lala land).

Hope this helps.

L.

My opinion (of the arrangement) is that the spouse who cheats, is the spouse who should leave the home. No ifs, ands, or buts. Don't care if it is more convenient, or if cheating spouse has kids more often, etc...they should've thought of that before they did what they did.

The BS did not ask for the A to happen...why should they give up their home?

Straycat: couldn't agree more. My WW is trying to give me the guilt trip about her having to leave her home. Give me a break. You're right, they should've thought of that before they started the A. I don't feel bad at all that she had to leave the house. Why should I leave when I'm not the one who is having the A. I asked her when we were talking of seperating how she could afford to live in our house while I moved out. She thought I was going to pay for it, LOL. I told her so I'm supposed to leave my house, pay for an apartment and everyhting that goes with it, and pay for the our house too, while you continue your affair with OM. Get real. There was no way I was going to do that. If there was no OM, I would have in a minute.

TORO

hey there,

looks like you're plan A-ing, and not entirely unsuccessfully so. the more it hurts of course to accept another betrayal. I know where you coming from - had to endure 4 months+ of it (WW had a dozen or so secret email accounts).
anyhow. what helped in my case was: TELL HER THAT YOU ARE HURT. no shouting, crying, but LET HER KNOW YOUR FEELINGS, STRAIGHT. tell her that you love her, that you are trying your best, BUT THAT THE CLOCK IS TICKING and that plan B is around the corner. tell her, it's up to her, that in the long run its either you or OM, but fence-sitting is not a stable situation. tell it over and over again... in my case, something like 3 days before plan B, things turned finally around.
N

Biscayne --
I don't know your whole story - -just what I see in your signature.....

so why is this any of your business?

You're separated, you've filed for divorce. Why are you entitled to explanations of what she's doing? Not only that, but she hasn't lied to you merely tried to avoid a confrontation.

{dbl post}

<small>[ October 11, 2002, 04:57 PM: Message edited by: Nick123 ]</small>

ps
agree with the others here. first, I was willing to move out. then I started to take a stand saying basically if she doesnt like it 'with the family' then she gotta go. hurt her v much to be suddenly 'outide' the family; suddenly she saw what she has to lose.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by straycat:
<strong>My opinion (of the arrangement) is that the spouse who cheats, is the spouse who should leave the home. No ifs, ands, or buts. Don't care if it is more convenient, or if cheating spouse has kids more often, etc...they should've thought of that before they did what they did.

?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have never read anything on this forum that I agreed with more than this.
Michael

lexxxy,

Why is it any of my business? As a WS do you not realize that I am still a human being who is not completely void of feelings? It still hurts like he** to see another man involved with my wife.

If you read the sig line you'd see that my primary reason for filing for D is so that WW would not leave the state with our boys. She had thrown that line out at me 3-4 time since we seperated. Kept saying "don't push me.Atthe time there was no pushing going on, she had guilty feelings when she realized that I had caught her in another lie, no confrontation, just her realizing that she hadn't done such a great job covering her lies. I'll probably get another angry reaction from her in the next day or so.)

To most of the others. Yeah, I should have kicked her out at the time of the A, although I have no legal means of keeping her out of our home. But I was the one to move rather than completely lose what was left of my mind while she continued with OM right in front of my face and lie to me about it also. I can't go back and change that, so why the thoughts behind your statements about my living in our home?

Don't understand the direction that was taking. I wrote here to vent. Not debate who should be living in our house.

Thanks

<small>[ October 11, 2002, 06:22 PM: Message edited by: Biscayne ]</small>

B --
What I wrote may have been harsh but I said it for a purpose.

Don't confront her on this. Her position will be that its none of your business, and that she didn't LIE to you. (Maybe misdirected, maybe mislead, but don't accuse her of lying!)

You're taking all of this from the position of "how can she do this to me".

Believe me, your thought or feelings aren't being taken into consideration -- and pushing your agenda by LB'ing won't help.

If you're in Plan A -- think Plan A thoughts.
Confronting her will do you absolutely no good whatsoever.

Go have a nice weekend with your boys. And stop thinking vengeful thoughts about how you can keep the kids away from her. Thats not Plan A.

She hasn't done anything to the kids -- so stop trying to punish her. The strongest tie you have is that you have a family together -- use it to your ADVANTAGE -- not as a punishment.