WH has called me childish & vendictive since I went into plan B, & dv was filed. Well tonight I guess I proved to WH & OW that I am, I lost my self control. Bad move I know.

It was parents night & nothing confirmed WH presence for a week, although S expected WH to be at the game. Busy week, end of the quarter next week along with homecoming. I also was helping with the volleyball games & bake sale. I arrived to the football game with about 5 minutes to spare, when friends said WH was there with OW.

We haven't even been to court yet, just exchanging questions. The day was going okay & then I reacted to WH actions. Not good, I know.

After introductions WH & I discussed D-20 & I said we were not even divorced yet, I live & teach in a small town of 250, & WH actions should have some considerations for his kids. (I know don't set up expectations).

We walked to the concession stand & WH order a large plate of chili nachos. I said we might as well get the introductions over since OW was going to be at D's wedding. (When I talked on the phone last Dec. the OW said I had to be nice to her since she was going to be at D wedding).
Our D has a bf but I hope any plans are on hold until after college, but never know.

Any way Ow is very attractive & petite. I did like my ugly visions better I guess. I don't know why, but I gave her a hug - How counterdicting - I know & wished her well with my STBXH, & told her she could have him & wished her luck. WH just stood there eating. Something was said about being a childish, vendictive *****, & whoops major LB. The plate of nachos just wenting flying all over WH. I just proved to all how I couldn't control my anger & was childish.

WH & OW left & so did I to regain myself. I'm sure I was the talk of the football game. I learned a valuable lesson about plan b. It really does protect you. I let my guard down since it was parent's night, when I should have walked away.

I guess what is done is done, now repair damage with students, school board members, & friends. Any suggestions? I am a whole lot better now than 4 hours ago.

I have been an lb queen. Forgive yourself. it did feel just a little bit good didn't it? Hugs to you, you deserve them.

Honey

OK, first forgive yourself. No one is perfect and we've all LB at some point (trust me, I did some big time LB!!). So, you made a mistake, it's ok. You can't change what has happened, only what you do from this point on.

I’m trying to understand what you said happened.

Vega: gave OW a hug - How counterdicting - I know &
Vega: wished OW well with your STBXH, told her she could have him & wished her luck.

WH Or OW: said something about being a childish, vendictive *****, & whoops major LB. (Who said this anyway?)

Vega: caused the plate of nachos to flying all over WH.

OK, I think that’s what you said.

Well if you proved that you couldn’t control my anger & was childish, what did they prove? That they are mean spirited and have on sense of right and wrong???? I’m sorry I think they were the ones who should be ashamed of themselves. I love it when WS/OP act so sanctimonious for their ripping families apart and then have the audacity to expect the BS and everyone else to pretend that nothing is wrong.

Just know in the future that you cannot handle the sight of her. If I were you I’d write a letter/email to your STBX and the OW and set down some boundaries. Such as there is no reason on God’s green earth why you should ever have to talk to her or see her. She has caused you and your children grievous harm and has to realize that it may take you years, if ever, to get over what she and your husband did. There is no reason why you cannot lay this on the line. You may want to point out that if they thought the scene was bad, what do they think it’s felt like to you to be embarrassed and humiliated by their actions for so long. Just tell them that you have a lot of healing to do from the harm they caused and you need them to respect your space. This is not a love buster… it is the way you feel and a feeling you are more then entitled too.

In the future you only need interact with your STBXH on a limited basis for joint parenting.

Thanks Honey, mgm, & zorwed for letting me know you were caring enough to repond on the weekend. I have usually lurked, but when I really screw up you guys come through.

It seems I can't do anything right these days when STBX is concerned. I can't believe what I did. Come on I handle teenagers everyday, and I can't let things esculate. But boy did I do an impulsive thing. I can see the reason for NC. I felt like I was STBX's mom & now saying that wasn't the appropreiate thing to, bring your GF on parents night. I hate that role, I kept telling STBX I wasn't his mom.

Yes, Honey it only felt good for the 3-5 minutes, & then I see how foolish & yes I was angry. I guess now I need to try to see the humor of"macho nacho" man - stbx as "macho man". We call the plate of nachos - macho nacho.

I did tell s-16 what I did, about stbx making me angry & I just reacted by flipping his dad's nachos on him. Two hours later S did tell me, "that if I keep doing stuff like that people will not want to come and visit at our house. That s feels embarassed to have parents around."
Poor kid, now S not only has his mom as a teacher, but also one that throws nachos on people when she is mad. Bad scene for son to have to think about, but I didn't want him to here about in in the halls. S had heard from kids two years ago that we might be moving. stbx didn't know why people were talking.
I told s I was wrong to cause a scene with the nachos & in the future I will think how what I do will reflect on S & D.

Zorweb, it was confusing for me also. stbx best guy friend ( He was over at our house a lot - drinking - "a buddy o- pal type of guy" was there also. I haven't talked to him in a year, because I felt betrade because this friend met OW when stbx affair was starting. He was standing near the concession stand when I asked him if he would join us, me meeting stbx new wife.

stbx'x friend said "that I was putting him on the spot & he did not like that". I agreed I was putting him on the spot with the truth about stbx. Any way as we got to OW car, this friend was saying how vendictive I was by putting him on the spot by asking questions that he didn't want to answer right then. Basically he would never answer, it is his pattern to run away. I told him we could have worked this out a long time ago if he just was honest with me & not just make things look like they were happy. He didn't understand how I could be anrgy with him & he had invitied us to his home for a xmas party last year & I just kept my distance & enjoyed myself with the other people. This friend was angry that I kept my distance - very rude. That I am angry & vendictive & this friend has done nothing wrong. Right now this friend is stbx counselor, because he has gone through a divorce & remarried.

Any way we got to the car with OW in it & stbx says someone wants to meet you. She is a very nice looking ow. If OW was a parent to one of my students, I would accept her totally looking like a descent person. I guess I was just feeling compansion & mad at WH for causing many lives to get injuried. Compassion, because I know stbx is just using OW like the rest of his women friends. Right now stbx wants to create an image of a happy divorce & a new family.

Now, to see if I can answer your question Zorweb.

It was like "Here she is miss america this OW , the prettiest, nicest, christian, compassionate, caring, etc ow & here is this vendictive, angry, *****. That is what stbx friend just finished telling me.

I do have a hard time with pretenses. I like just real down to earth people, please don't try to be something you are not. I will accept any body, & just be yourself. That is a lesson I have learned working with teenagers, just be yourself, & not try to create an illusion of something you are not, because the kids see right through the illusion. Unless they want to be a part of the illusion.

Two weeks ago I was wondering if stbx would force OW prescense on s like he did with our D. I thought stbx would think of their feelings. I guess I was wrong. I didn't want to create a problem before it happened.

I guess I need to discuss guide lines with stbx when visiting with s. Any suggestions. ???

Again thanks - zorweb for giving me some more insight. Yes I did prove I was childish & angry, but I had not thought of what they were trying to prove by being together before we had even gone to court. Plus it was parents night at S high school ball game.

On the positive side - After a long day working & ball games I had two people say that they thought I looked great. I now have lost 25 lbs & wearing jeans my D had out grown. I don't recommend the diet plan. I did find some old rings to wear because I don't want men to think I am available, just because stbx is bringing ow around.

Hi Vega:

remember: "petite" is just a fancy word for short!!!

That's why they make pants with extra short legs...

I think it is right to show them how you feel about them, maybe next time stay away from the food and just use icy disapproving looks.

I wish I could give you a hug and encouragement to feel better about yourself.

All the best

Hi, ice

Remember we are talking about a foggy, WS. Stbx doesn't get subtle looks. My neigbors have been thinking that I have been just to nice putting up with his disrespect & going along with what he wants.

I guess a vendictive moment here - I can think it right - Instead of going along with settlement agreement about Wh having all hunting, fishing, sporting stuff including a 5 year old fish/skiing boat. Maybe after him trying to prove something with OW, I will just now ask for the boat also.
I really don't care, but son & our friends will enjoy it. Fuel to the fire right. I know a bad idea. I should just respond, whatever you think is fair. Right, & let my lawyer handle the other stuff.

Hi Vega:

I didn't say "subtle icy looks"- did I?

If you need some tips: I can tell you how to turn a hot and muggy NJ summer afternoon into something close to the last ice age (Saves you a lot of money on the A/C also <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

But just between you and me: after I happened to find this post of yours, I read your previous ones listed under the glasses. My heart goes out to you, you have been through so much pain. I can sense a lot of bitter feelings in you now. I can totally understand where they are coming from. Let me ask you one thing: does it make you feel better when you hurt him back? Does that somewhat good feeling last or does it turn back into pain fast?

I have read this saying: We should try to change the things that we can change and accept the ones that we cannot change. And we should ask for God's help to tell one from the other.

I wish for you that you find your inner peace again and that in all this mess there will be times of true happiness for you.

You sound like a strong woman. Don't let this destroy that strength.

Wow Vega, you have way more self control and maturity than I do! I don't think I could handle that situation nearly half as well as you did.

Stay strong! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear mmafiter,

I don't think I that I was thinking at all, if I was I should have said plan b all the way and then walked away. I don't think what I did was right or justified, I regressed acting very irresponsibly, from my point of view. (after the fact, now).

Ice - I am constantly telling myself that the only person that I have any control with is myself. Thanks for reminding me once again. You know it takes hearing something about 7 times before it really starts to sink in. I'm just a little slow on this point right now. Hey, remember I teach high school and I can & do if needed give not so polite looks. Even then stbx wouldn't pick up what was needed.

I know that if I hurt stbx I also hurt my kids, because they also have to deal with whatever consquences there might be. So no, I only get more pain back. Thanks for asking.

I am kinda having a little chuckle right now with the "macho man". I know bad nickname, a slam & not nice. I did have a friend & myself ask god for strength for me to get through the night before everything happened. Well I will have to wait to hear about the consquences of my actions until later this week. STBX & OW went traveling, Monday a holiday. Prayers appreciated.

So do I just make a direct statement about having enough respect for your kids to not have the OW around the kids or their friends until after the d.