when 2 people truly love each other but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you reach that point where enough is ENOUGH!!!!??? please read the bottom tag to get a picture of what i meant when i said, "can't seem to get it together..... what would you do in my shoes? and why? thanks, peace tim

hbby,

I'd put a call out for "K". He is a BS whose W got pregnant by OM and somehow they were able to recover.

sad dad

My husband has a daughter with one of his ONS. It is horrific in the beginning but it is liveable. Remember the child is not to blame in any way. It is very difficult and being a woman I dont know if it is easier or harder to accept. My husband and I are still together. It can work but there is a lot of sacrafice involved. Couple of questions...are you in the US?...you are still legally married right? what does the OM think of the situation? I ask because beyond the emotional issues there are lots of legal issues to be considered. In the US in most states a child of marriage is unequivocally the husbands regardless of DNA. It is not completely that simple but if you want any feed back in either area...emotional or practical please feel free to ask me.

ayslyne@yahoo.com

thanks sad dad and ayslyne
i need advice from those in my shoes. i will listen to as many as i can---this may be the most important one decision in my life(aside from accepting Christ as LORD). in that respect, i want to get it RIGHT this time. i feel, if i know how others in my shoes dealt w/it, it'll most asuradly make my decision making process clearer and if possible, easier.

to answer your ?'s. don't know what the om thinks about it. she will find out Tuesday and i'm sure we will have alot of stuff to talk about then. she will not give it up for adoption. i am not at all "excited" or even happy when i think of the babies pending arrival. i have not been able to get the pictures i have conjured up of the 2 of them in each others arms out of my head. they are the 1st thing i see when i awake and the last thing b4 bed. if they don't leave or lessen, i will not be able to work on reconciliation. as a Christian, i feel that i owe God a true 100% effort to reconcile. I think leaving w/out giving it my "all"would be the easy way out, and I would regret that decision in time. we both love each other tremendously and she has expressed sorrow and guilt and repentance. i feel like she is genuine in her quest to get back to Christ's family.

will the baby trigger those pictures every time i look at him/her? will the om trigger them if he wants to be a part of the child's life? the child will live in my house,(as opposed to the male betraying wife, where the child is not in the home with the reconcilling couple). this seems like it may be the straw that'll break the reconcilliation process's back....??

just seems like too many hurdles to me right now, but i haven't even started yet.consequently, i need advice from those who have beeen there. it may give me that "window to the future" that will make my path i decide to take light up like a christmas tree in Times Square.

thank you again, and if you would like prayer from me, just ask and you will get it.

peace,
Tim

You must try to separate the child from the infidelity. I know easier said than done. But the child is a gift from God. New life always is. The infidelity is wrong. The child is not. Even though the process of parenthood should be reserved to a married couple sometimes things dont work out that way.

Also it is very important to address the legalities of this situation. When it comes down to it the OM is in a powerless position right now. You as the husband hold all the cards in terms of this baby. In the states, you have every legal right to sign the birth certificate...meaning the OM is like any other Joe Blow on the street. Errant sperm does not make a father.

I know it is very difficult but look to Christ and those around him. Christ was raised by a man who was not biologically related to him. Now hindsight being 20/20 we all know Joseph did the right thing. But consider his position...he had no clue what was truly going on...and the story he was told was hard to swallow. But Joseph was called to care for the child and his mother. He did that. Now in no way am I equating the Holy Family to our mortal frailties but I believe their choices are examples to us. Out of all of this garbage a miracle has occurred. Maybe this child was always meant to be born and God knew he would need a better role model for a father than the OM. Although it is painful God must consider you that man. You can be this child's true father. God's plan is the only perfection...we just muddle through.
I see the FOW basically weekly. Now she reminds me of the infidelity and I deal with it. The child reminds me God works miracles. The child looks to me for love and approval. Her father is a man he never would have been without me. I know that now.
It is normal and natural to feel like you couldnt take it, like you would see the OM when you look at the child. Remember God breathed life into a lump of clay to create us yet we are so much more. Biology joined an egg and an sperm but God gave that child life. As we are connected to God rather than the earth from whence we came so too can this child be connected to you rather than the biological components that started the process.

The OM could be out of your life for good. There are many routes this whole sitation can take. Please feel free to discuss your issues here. Any input I can offer I would be happy to oblige.

continuing prayers

ayslyne

ayslyne,

thank you. i needed that right now. was just counseled by an elder at church and it is amazing. i layed it out to him... in it's cold hard details. he cried. then we cried. we prayed. then he told me where he feels the spirit is leading me. guess what....

he basicly mirrored your text. he said if i follow God's commands and his path, He WILL be faithful and all will work out for good for those who love the Lord.

one thing he did say which helped was that God will reaveal my wife's intentions very quickly during reconciliation. if she is doing this just for the security i offer or any other reason/game playing, it will be revealed and she will flee from the situation. she won't be able to live the "new" life in Christ that i will expect out of both of us. this made me realize that if i made the decision to take her back based only on the notion of "obediance to God's command", that God would not force me to stay in a relationship that is based on lies from her standpoint. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> he opened my eyes to the fact that this is a fork in the road, yes, but Patty will jump off quickly if she is on it for any other reasons than to follow God's direction and purpose for "OUR" lives(including jr.).

wow... thats the very 1st time i have addressed the baby without it being cold and factual. maybe God can and will change our marriage and make it better than it has ever been b4 the A. i am certainly not holding my breath, but... you never know....

i'll update this on Wednesday, as my wife is due back on Tuesday night. she said she is ending it . we'll see. i am sure i will understand alot more on Tuesday night.

thank you again,
please pray for me at this volitile time
peace
tim

You are all in my prayers...

ayslyne