Here are links to hopelesslove’s posts. I had suggest in email that she post here on GQII as there are more people here dealing with similar issues. She is a military wife with no support system to speak of, her husband has moved out with OW leaving her with their children and now it looks like no money. She’s in a bad spot. Seems that her and her children’s well being are the first priority here. Then MB’ing. Could you take a look?

Thanks all, You’re wonderful

Question

HELP

lost and confused

lost and confused...update

<small>[ October 12, 2002, 08:21 PM: Message edited by: zorweb ]</small>

Dear Z,

Ok, I posted on the EN site. Cali and Pepper are closer to her than I am.

L.

Hi, Zorweb. I posted a reply to the "lost and confused" thread.

Thanks for getting others to show their support. Thanks for also being there for hopelesslove.

I've replied as well... on the EN's board.

Karen

Orchid, Freshstart, Topie…

Thanks it’s such a slow weekend and that’s really hard on someone who is alone and lost. I know your being here means a lot to her.

zor,

There is a lot of support and financial help thru the military for her. I am not sure what branch of the service she is with but their is a Family Support Center at each base/posts, they will help her get the financial assistants that she needs. The first shirt should be notified immediately, sounds like OW may be the superior.

She will need proof that he is sleeping with the OW to press charges thru the military, something on tape or written, photos of him leaving her place with a date and time on them. She can go to base legal to find out exactly what is needed.

If she does go the first shirt (remember I am AF and don't no the name in the other branches) He will probably pull the 2 in one at a time and tell them to quit shacking up or he will have to take things further, he doesn't have to let it be known that it was the wife that squeled.

She might think of a restraining order and a padlock on the door or change the locks. Someone at Lowes or a Home Depot can show her how to do that her self and it is not very expensaive about $15 a lock. If he keeps coming in without her knowledge.

If she is still living in military housing she does not have to move out, she has so long that she can live there, usually til the divorce is final, depending on the availabilty on their base he can be put up in a dorm, as to being at the OW's house, the first shirt will probable suggest this.

I am not sure if any of this will help her or not, perhaps it will helpp give her strength to do what she needs to do on Tuesday.

I am glad that you were there to help her, you are such a calming person, in the face of such turmoil. You are awesome!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 12, 2002, 08:44 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

daybreak

Thanks for the input. You have some good sound advice here. He is Navy. The OW is from his second civilian job.

I was a Navy wife - 5 mins and I'll look at this stuff.

I would still go to the first shirt or whatever they are called in the Navy, as they have to have permission to be working part time before they are to start.

Just my 2 cents as this is a touchy area for me, I guess!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

First shirt - doesn't translate into Navy for me. Can you explain Dawn?

What is their purpose? What other things would I go to them for - help me figure it out?

Reading her posts now.

E

Ok, basically he is the NCO in charge under the commander, kind of like he deals with the problems and things of NCO's and enlisted before they have to go to the commander!!!

Does that make sense? They are usually E-7,8 or 9.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lemme see, when I had an issue once I went to the XO of [censored]'s ship. But he is commissioned.

I'd say if he's on a boat she could go to the XO or the CO. Why not just call the boss right? I hate wasting my time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Then again there's always Family Services, or the Chaplains office. I'm thinking Chaplains office because first thing they are going to do is call the ship and get his butt over there if she is sitting there. His command is going to want to know why one of their guys is being called off the ship to the chaplains office.

My experience in the Navy and I'm sure it's the same with all the other branches -
crying kid, back later

E

Commander is probably the one to go to. Has already been to the chaplan who seems to have done little.

He's not on a ship... hospital type. Works second job at civilian hosp.. that's where he met OW.

If I may add...

Make sure that whatever you do, it is not construed in any way as a way to "get back" at WH for what he is doing. Make sure that whoever you talk to is aware of the mental, emotional and financial strain WH's actions are putting on you and your family.

During my time in the service, I noticed that it was when the spouse (usually the W) started talking about the emotional and mental strains that the family was going through becasue of the WS (usually the H) stupidity is when serious actions were taken. I also know you have to be very persistent if you want the military to take action, they may be hesitant at first, but when the ball starts rolling, its hard to stop it.

Use every resource available, Family Services, Chaplains, Mental Health, anything and everything that you can think of that may help.

Sorry, long day today, crying kid meant kid not feeling well.

Where was I going? My experience was that the Navy likes happy little Navy wives and kids. They don't like crying babies and upset wives...

Right - Like loveherstill said, not rotten mean get back at him stuff, but I'm sure that isn't where she is at anyway. Good advice for a few months down the line though.

I know she feels so thrown.

This is why I don't go read at JFO ever.

Poor thing.

Anyway, she needs to use the command to get him back in line. Being in the military is one job where having an affair is something your boss can really do something about.

It's 10 to 1, and I have to throw a load in the dryer so Chris has pants to wear to school tomorrow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I'm beat but I wanted to check in here anyway.

Manda's fine, just crabby as all get out.

Can you give me an update on how she is doing Z so we know what she is going to do today - Monday? How she is and what she has done so far Navy wise?

That way when I check in next at least I will have had some sleep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and will be able to maybe offer some help...

Let her know that I'm thinking of her and hope that she's doing ok. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

E

Hey everyone, sunday was not good. H and I took kids to bowling alley. That was ok. We all came back to the house and had dinner. I had a friend calling me (female friend) on my cell phone a few times and once, one of my kids asked who it was and my H said mom's boyfriend. I made the coment of no body wants me not even you. He got up from the table and went out side. He said he was joking but it's like something hit him. Anyway, we were talking and thought that was going good. He said he had to go, he said bye to the kids, I walked to the car with him. I asked for a hug and he gave me one, I started laughing and said can I have a kiss, I was totally joking, I knew I wouldn't get one. Anyway, he got in the car and totally burned rubber. H called me on my cell and said don't you ever push the limit again. Then he called again from the ATM and was screaming at me about $. He agreed to let me have some of his other check earilier but last night said that he told me we would discusse it. He made a comment about me sleeping with somebody,which is so untrue, but thought the person calling me was a "boyfriend". H say's he doesn't feel guilty at all but his actions are ...I don't know. Anyway, when he tore out of here, our 2 daughters were outside and became hysterical.
I'm going to try to get an appointment today with my dr. Oh, and my H said that he is going to divorce. So this is the point I'm at now. I'm also going to try and talk with a lawyer too today.