My separated wife 5 weeks) dropped off my daughter to my mom. We haven't seen or spoken since separation-her choice. She told my mom I was lying again (involving letter from my attorney to her attorney) stating that I said she has also violated restraining order (which she has) But of course my attorney said it a little more severely than that-he made it sound like it's been a lot and it hasn't. Of course, she thinks I'm lying again! How can a guy win. All these lies I'm supposedly saying are coming from distortion through 3rd parties. NOT ME. I wish she and I could talk. She is so hostile to me. Hard to imagine I still love her and want to be married when she's like this. Will it ever change before divorce is final. Why does she want to be enemies? Is it a "I'm in CONTROL thing?" I love her and want to work on our marriage, but she is making me rethink things. She keeps saying things like "my lawyer this and my lawyer that" she could care less about me or our marriage. She is being so selfish.

Anyone with any advise?

need to know a bit more about the whole situation. I added (yahoo) you so if you want to fill me in feel free

ayslyne

What was the outcome with the plan A letter that Zorweb helped you out with? Did you send it to your W?

Karen

AA --

From her perspective -- she has a RIGHT to her anger and hostility.

You've got a lawyer chasing her and threatening.
He obviously got the restraining order information from you -- what did you hope to accomplish with that?

Why is she supposed to feel love and sunshine towards you?

What positive interactions are you having in her life? NONE.

Put yourself in her shoes for a minute.

Your right. Her lawyer sent my lawyer a letter and stated I had been violating order and of course I said tell her lawyer she has too. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut. I knew after I got the letter from my lawyer showing what he sent her attorney that she was going t get mad, but I am tired getting the shaft here! Don't I have some rights here

Hey, Al.

You may not like this but I think what you have a right to is to concentrate on taking care of yourself--trying to heal up from the wounds.

I can't recall if you are in counselling?

It is easy to see it's driving you crazy to be without your W but for now, she is not accessible. That is so sad but unfortunately it's reality at the moment.

What can you do to move toward some healing? You've mentioned the church--perhaps a support group or something?

Keep posting here and take care. All the best to you.

Yes, have been taking extensive counseling. Someone from here recommended putting an audio tape together (instead of letter) since we haven't spoken or seen each other lately. They said her hearing my sincere and honest voice may trigger something. They said to tell her the things I feel are wrong in the relationship and how I intend on fixing them and that I love her and wish we could still be married. They said she still loves me, but she is feeling she would be foolish coming back to me and working on the marriage if sh'e not secure about my love for her or changes. They said that she gave gave gave her love and I failed to show my love for her and she feels I may not "really love her" she is doubting it. What do you all feel about this and having priest tell her of the things I'm doing and have him play the tape instead of a plan "A" letter?

AA --

My "feeling" of your situation is that you feel some compelling need to repair your marriage within the next couple months before divorce occurs. You need to cool it.

You need to relax. Accept.
Even if the divorce occurs, it does NOT mean that your relationship is over!

It took a long time for your marriage to reach the point its at. And your wife is not going to trust changes or revelations that you have in a few short weeks!!!

She's going to feel that what you're doing is insincere and simply a manipulation to stay married.

You need to reach a point of acceptance! This divorce will most likely occur. So what? You still love her right? And maybe symbolically thats not such a bad thing to happen.

Then you can repair. Have a NEW marriage. A good happy healthy one.

But this process could take a long long time. You're not going to fix it in a couple of weeks.
Own your part and fix it. Stop trying to control her.

You said in your post that she's trying to control things. I think its the other way around.

Control YOU. Stop trying to make her decisions for her. Divorcing you might be the worst thing in the world as far as YOUR concerned...but its not up to you anymore. ACCEPT.

Good luck!