I apologize in advance for the frankness of this post, but I would like a little feedback in the area of SF, so I will have to describe my problems.

My story - male BS, married 12 yrs. FWW had a yr-long PA/EA, and in the past had 3 EA's I learned about after D-day in Jan 02. We're on the road. I've forgiven her (and OM) for the PA, but I'm starting to wonder if I have for the others. I get a lot of reassurances from W, but she is pretty defensive and impatient w/ me, in a "can't we just move on" mode.

Our SF life has in some ways been better than ever. Problem #1 - I have no trouble becoming aroused, but once the act starts, the fear starts. I don't think about the obvious things - not consciously at least. I don't think consciously about the affair or OM, but I'm pretty insecure. I keep arousal but cannot reach orgasm. I just would like to know if others have this problem or if I need other help.

Problem #2 - FWW's affair included oral sex. Wish I didn't know, but hadn't found MB at the time. Now, when it's part of our SF life, it's a huge trigger for me. I know, I know - why not just avoid it? That's a good short-term solution but doesn't deal with the problem. Why would this be a trigger but not penetration?

Hope I didn't make anyone uncomfortable. Thanks for insights.

Can't answer your question about the lack of orgasm but...
heard a lecture by a well known sex ed teacher recently about teen sexuality. She commented that oral sex has become very popular among high schoolers- probably to prevent pregnancy. the students often don't consider it to be "sex". She pointed out that this is a big attitude change- that in the boomer generation oral sex is often considered to be more intimate even than intercourse. Because it involves our face being intimate with another's genitals- that's pretty personal. So maybe that's why it's such a big trigger for you.

working:

Sexuality is very taboo in our society, you might not have any response. Let me try to give you my 2¢, I am male BS turned WS (one night stand A)while WW still in LA LA Land.

I beleive everything goes w/ sex in the bed room between couple. Should be comfortable for both of you and filling too. The goal is to give pleasure to each other. Now:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> ..."can't we just move on" mode.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you see MC ?, you have to assure to her that it is not to fry her for her action but for your recovery and try to get understanding from her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>... I keep arousal but cannot reach orgasm. I just would like to know if others have this problem or if I need other help.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, try to concentrate on her climax ... your delay definitly bring advantage to you. Male in the average is 5-10 minutes before reaching orgasm and female just getting started around 20 minutes ... use it to give pleasure to her. The secret of good sex is seeing your partner reaching it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ... and for us, male, it is easier to reach it after our partner and impossible the other way around <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> .... I know, I know - why not just avoid it? That's a good short-term solution but doesn't deal with the problem. Why would this be a trigger but not penetration?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">EVERYTHING GOES ... let it go and enjoy it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

You should consult Sex Therapist w/ MC background if you can't get this over.

-RH-

<small>[ October 13, 2002, 11:24 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Thanks - I guess I need to be thankful for what is there