Today I had to run home for lunch to pick something up. My WH was suppose to be off but he was not home. My S said he thought he was at work. WH does not work on Columbus Day. Anyway, at first emotion, I thought that he must be with OW and that he lied again about no contact.
I went to the basement to get something and all the items he had in the apartment were there. It appears he is giving up the love nest. No again at first emotion I wanted to throw all the stuff away because I do not want the reminder of his A anywhere near me but that is an overreaction I know.

I then could not control myself. I drove over to apartment. His car was there but not hers. This was their meeting day 9a to noon. No sight of them together.

Now here is the rub. I don't really feel any love for him. It has been too long. I think I was chose by default because OW has chose another. I should be gleeful. Wrong. I feel sadness. Should I be excited at the thought of a new begining. I hung in there Plan Aing longer than most but I feel so unfufilled. Where do I go from here. I don't want the marriage of the past but I know he has now commited to marriage. But I don't love him. The hurt is too deep. Can I fall back in love with this shelfish being? This is kind of like the story in Surviving an Affair. I am the couple with the long drawn out affair only I have nothing left to give, NOTHING. I plan A'ed too long. All the redeeming qualities I use to see are gone.

What should I do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You have been thru a hellish experience and in your position, I felt a lot of fear. It was a lot like after all the fighting for the marriage, it was now within reach again and it frightened me.
What if it was not all worth it?
what if he does it again?
Can it ever be better?
I have slowly come to realise that in the aftermath I was like the walking wounded, a zombie. Then suddenly the war is over but not really because you still bear scars.

Set a comfortable pace of recovery for yourself.

Don't feel pressurized to make any decisions that may have any long term effects. Questions like should he stay or go really only can be answered over a period of time after you are able to judge for yourself whether you want this man (not the man in the fog or the man before the A) and you won't know who this man is.

Take time to get to know your H again. Then decide. Let him know who you have become.

Try to enjoy this journey of discovery. ~HUG~

Good luck and God bless.

"What should I do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> "

Treat yourself as you would someone who is recovering from recent big-time surgery or chemotherapy.

You might advise such a person to put off any non-emergency decisions. You might advise such a person to take their healing gradually. You might advise such a person that they will not have their usual energy level for quite some time.

YOU ... are .... NOT ...super-human-woman. Take the love and caring you have for others ... and rub that all over yourself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

"Mixed feelings of joy and sadness" ... this is NORMAL .... stay with this. This is good stuff.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Doesn't sound to me like he's committed to marriage....DID YOU NOT JUST CATCH HIM WITH OW AGAIN????????

Sounds like she's choosing him still, they are together at this very moment.

Kick his butt out the door until he can come back to you in a way that makes YOU happy.

RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST....LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.

The last time I catch them together was 6 weeks ago. She was not ther today that I know of. I was watching. She did not show.

I know lexxy. I don't trust him either. Just worn out and depressed. I should have kicked him out months ago. He is like gum on my shoe. It keep s coming back