Well tonight I got blasted! My wife put her profile on KISS.com on 9-10-02, 5 days after I moved out. I intercepted an email that made me sick. She went to Minnesota last week for business and spent it with a guy she met on Kiss.com. They went to a concert with tickets I bought for our anniversary!

She gave him her phone Number and is calling him Honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is calling her baby XOXOXO

She is telling him that she can't stop thinking of him and that he has such a sexy body!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm ready to scream!!!!I feel ill. I have been with her 7 years...we have a child.....I am trying so hard!!!!!!They converse 3 weeks and they're at this stage?????? They live 3 1/2 hours apart......but she's conversing with more......she said she can't wait to see him again. This is a catholic girl?????????I don't even know the woman in my wifes body anymore.

Know exactly how you feel. My best way of dealing with this is to realize how deep in the fog your WW really is right now and everything you see and hear about the A is a direct result of fog thinking.

It still hurts like he!! though. I've been right where you are. I got into WW's email to confirm suspicions of the A and my heart sank as they told each other how good they made each other feel. Went snooping one day about 8 wks after D-day and read emails that WW printed out that she had written to OM (not sure if he ever actually read them, they were all from her and none from him, this was while he was out of town for 10 days playing frisbee). The letters sounded like something from a love sick teenager and not my 40 yr old wife. I shook as I read them.
Even read one that took a very special day and event that I put together for WW and told OM lies to make me look bad. Really took what I had done and made it sound like something lousy. Even told him how one of the places we went that day made her think of the time that her and OM had spent across the street. To tell you how screwed up her mind really was while writing that. It was the anniversary of her son's death 14yrs ago, and rather than thinking of him, she's thinking of OM who's 1/3 of the way around the world playing kids games before he comes home to his wife, kids and job as a bartender. Give me a break, how great can this guy be.
I truly had to back off and realize that all of her actions, words, and feelings during the A are really from the fog.

Have you read Surviving an Affair? Harley describes the addiction to the A much like a drug or alcohol addiction. I'm sure that this is the same type of fog thinking that an addict has.

Do your best to put the thoughts out of your mind, they will hurt no one but you. As long as you have already confirmed the A, you may want to stop any further snooping. It will devastate you more than anyone and make it that much harder to work on your self. Focus on you, improving you, what you need to change about your contribution to your marriage.

Read, read, read, not those emails but stuff that will help you and not hurt you. His Needs, Her Needs, Love Busters, and Surviving an Affair all by Dr Harley. Also, I found The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman to really open my mind as to a real sense of emptiness that I have felt for most of my life. I think that if couples could grasp the concepts behind His Needs, Her Needs, and Love Busters early on in the marriage and commit to these principles in their relationship early on, the divorce rate would drop dramaticaly.

Best of Luck and God Bless.

(((((((((((AA)))))))))))

Now perhaps you understand more about how your W felt when she found out about your EA? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> That certainly does NOT justify her actions at present, but it DOES explain a LOT of her recent actions.

I am sorry that your W is getting involved with an OM. However, as strange as this may seem, this could actually HELP you in your plan A. How's that? Simple... b/c your W is in the "fog" for a fact now. So we all know that her actions are more likely than not, based on that.

Now that you know she's 'looking' for an OM, you know what you are fighting against. And as odd as it may seem, let's hope that she gets involved with multiple men (I'm referring to EA's, not PA's), b/c from my experience, that will make it MUCH EASIER for you to continue in your plan A (my H was involved in multiple EA's and PA's). The way I saw it with my H, was that he wasn't giving enough time into any one "relationship" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , and therefore it was easier for me to be the 'constant' fulfilling EN's.

Take care, and keep on venting on MB to let it out. Do NOT do it via your lawyer - that will only make things worse.

Now... something slightly off topic: What is the situation with visitation with your daughter? I'm curious to know about that.

Karen

I get to see her every other weekend. WOW!

I guess I am settled down. This is not my wife and I know I hurt her sooooooooo much. I want to reach out, but

She is definitely in the fog, just when she comes out....who knows.

She is looking for that attention.

Good news.......no more boyfriend.....I took care of it (my controlling behavior came out. I just hope she's not viewing this site. Anyway my mother sat down and had a nice long heart to heart. We cant see each other, but my mother said she picked up good indications that more time by herself she might be willing to sit down and talk!!!!!!!Baby steps, right? I know my mom shouln't have talked to her, but wife called her today crying. This guy took advantage of her. If you want to know more email me yankeebluebbq@hotmail.com

Hey Alan, this is a nice dose of reality for her. And yes, you're right, it's unfortunatly normal because she is reaching out for attention from whereever she can get it. I hope things start to turn around for you.

Anyway, your right, reality is good. It really made me upset that this "player" decided to mess with my wifes emotions. She was shown proof of his escapades (many women saying same things to as W) She thouht she was falling for him. This should make her a little leary I would think. I guess it still doesn't mean anything for me, but if I give her the space maybe she'll eventually want to talk. This fog is something else. Here she has a husband "willing" to make changes and that loves her very much (she doubts it) but she looks to others for attention. I hurt her so I feel her pain, so I am still STANDING for her until the very end. Somewhere in her I have to believe she still loves me......that's what keeps me going.