WW sent me an e-mail saying that I need to get on with my life as she is trying to get on with hers. I am getting on with my life. Says she wants me to be happy but that I need to let her be happy too. I have been trying to have no contact with her, but she keeps calling. Not to talk but to ask questions regarding kids and stuff. I don't want to see her or talk to her. Any advice? Help me intiate Plan B.

TORO

This was also part of the e-mail.

Yes, we are still married, but only on paper, I have my own life now and you need to realize that. I wish you the best TORO and I know that you can get through this and you will find happiness. I just wish that you would let me go and let me find my own. I deserve to be happy.

Toro

Toro ... this is just me venting here, cuz your W said something that is one of MY pet peeves!

"I deserve to be happy."

Who says??? We all have the right to pursue happiness ... but "deserve to be happy" ???? This is just not true.

If I said this: "I deserve to be wealthy." .... you'd wonder what planet I'd arrived from.

Happiness, not unlike wealth, is a product of our efforts. Our own attitude and a grateful heart is more likely to bear the fruits of happiness than leaving a marriage and running away from our vows.

Stupid stupid stupid ... immature and stupid.

THERE .... I've vented! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks for letting me blow off steam!

God bless Toro.

Hang in there.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been trying to have no contact with her, but she keeps calling. Not to talk but to ask questions regarding kids and stuff. I don't want to see her or talk to her. Any advice? Help me intiate Plan B.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry TORO but if her questions about the kids are important or relevant, then you've got no choice but to answer them for your children's sake. BUT that doesn't mean that once you've answered her questions, you should let her steer the conversation on to other topics. The only other alternative is for you to have somebody that is willing to act as a go between you and your WW (an intermediary).

I have a feeling that she sent you that e-mail to goad you into responding to her, remember that a WS doesn't like it when her BS cut her off via plan B, because she feels she has lost control of her BS. If you are serious about being in plan B, then you MUST NOT respond to her, except for important matters relating to the children.

Nobody starts doing a flawless plan A, and the same can be said with regards to plan B. There'll be a few slip ups in the beginning, but after awhile you'll be doing a plan B close to perfect.

A complete plan B is difficult to make work with kids involved. Of course you will have ongoing contact with re: the children. Whether you like it or not you will be 'tied' to WW through the kids 'till the day you die. That being said, you do have options. Try and find an intermediary and deal with WW (about kids), through that individual. Tell her in no uncertain terms she must use this individual to contact you; that you simply don't wish to speak with her.

Toro:

Sorry, missed this thread until now!

"I have been trying to have no contact with her, but she keeps calling. Not to talk but to ask questions regarding kids and stuff."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sorry for the grin, here, but I couldn't help myself. Typical fog-latin. Sure, she needs 2 communicate with you about the kids (but she CAN do this through a third party), but heck TORO, you know her track record so far. She's calling 2 talk 2 you, 2 goad you in2 these silly, unproductive arguments. Don't let her! (but feel free 2 be amused by the attempts! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

"Yes, we are still married, but only on paper, I have my own life now and you need to realize that."

Would this be your wedding photos, or the document? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Or maybe you're NOT married in the ether or something? As for who owns her life? She always did... as you have also held your own pink slip. ...but you realize that.

Pepkins! Heck, I DO think you deserve 2 be wealthy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (so long as ol' 2long gets a commission!). But you're right. We need 2 work for the good stuff we want/need in this life on this particular (peculiar?) planet.

Sorry, folks. Ol' 2long's a bit giddy 2day. Must have been the dressing on that salad I had for lunch? Or maybe that wasn't lettuce...? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TORO

Ok so far you got two 'she is trying to goad you into conversation' and a two 'you need to address important child related issues with her directly or thru an intermediary'.

Oh and you also got 2Long totally tripping on lettuce. This last one may be the hardest of all to resolve, even the Harley's are stumped <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

You guys are killing me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for the info. Just found out I have to see her tonight for kids' parent teacher conferences. Should be interesting.

2Long: send some of that salad this way, sounds like I could use some. LOL.

TORO

TORO:

"Just found out I have to see her tonight for kids' parent teacher conferences. Should be interesting."

Try this: "You look familiar. Have we met?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

or not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

2Long: hehe, Ok your'ce cut off of the salad, or the dressing.
I might just say that though, would be kinda funny.

TORO

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2Long: send some of that salad this way, sounds like I could use some. LOL.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah TORO, invite your WW for some of 2Long's salad, with dressing, after the parent/teacher conference. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ah, but if everybody's giggling, they can't "fight" effectively! The game would have 2 be declared OVER!

Hey, wait a minute! Salad for everybody! (like one of my favorite album titles: "Brain Salad Surgery" by Emerson, Lake and Palmer)

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

TORO.

Why don't you take one of the Harley books to read while you and your WW wait to be called in to the parent/teacher conference? At the very least it will remind you not to love bust your WW.

2Long.

Can I be your CFO if you decide to start a company that markets your salad and salad dressing? In fact my name, Skip Townes, elicits trust and integrity in the minds of those I con(vey) my ideas to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

TMCM:

DEAL!

We should solicit the legal backing of the law firm of "Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe" who represent Click and Clack, don't you think?

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 05:52 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

TMCM: I won't LB tonight. One of our kids has a conference at 4:30 the other at 4:40, so we will split up and take one of the kids to their repsective conference. So, I won't have much of a chance to LB. I really don't have the energy anyway. I'll post back later and let you know how things went. I'm sure OM is reading my posts so he can see where things are with WW. I wouldn't trust her either. If she can lie to everyone including her family, why would he think she wouldn't lie to him.

On another note, if you need venture capital on the salad idea, I'm in. LOL.

TORO

TORO:

Well, if her OM is reading your posts, he has my sympathy. At best, he's a fool.

GET A REAL LIFE! Don't be a fool. There is no future in what you're doing. That is, unless you enjoy knowing you're a liar and a cheat. Some actually do. But know this: Marriages born out of As have a 3% chance of surviving beyond the 5-year mark. Wanna take the chance that you'll be one of the "lucky" 3%?

I would also like to take a shot at TORO's WW's OM.

Are you too ugly or socially repulsive to win a single woman's heart? you must be otherwise you would not behave like a scavenger that takes advantage of an emotionally vulnerable married woman to satisfy his emotional needs.

You may beleive that you have gained a prize by stealing another man's wife heart but the only thing you've gained is the certainty that YOU FALL SHORT OF BEING A REAL MAN.

Sorry for the rant TORO but I had to get it off my chest. Thank you.

No Problem TMCM and 2Long. I don't think anything OM or WW hears right now would phase them anyway. I'm sure WW has convinced OM that her marriage was over long before she met him. Maybe it was, but this isn't how you go about ending it. I think OM thinks he is coming to rescue her. Who knows, at this point who cares. What's done is done. I'm just worried about how much more damage will be done. I don't think either of them has any idea the damage they've dealt to the people that care about them the most. That includes family and friends, besides myself and our kids.

TORO

TORO

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 06:29 PM: Message edited by: TORO ]</small>

Got back from Parent Teacher Conferences. Wife and I did not say 1 word to each other. We both talked to the kids and their teachers. She looked at me a couple of times when we were there but I immediately looked away. I can't even stand to look at her right now. She doesn't look good. She looks tired. She tried to act all happpy and everything, but I know her too well. I'm sad to say she is a beautiful woman, but I can't say I think she is on the inside. That matters to me more than anything now. Her beauty IS only skin deep. Too bad she has turned into this person. Everyone liked the person she used to be. I don't know anyone who will believe the front she is putting up. Oh, he will of course, but no one else will.

Night Everyone

TORO