My situation is as follows:

Divorce brought up by W a few years ago. Never really went through with it.

Both have been trying to make M better by ourselves (without MC) for a while.

W meets OM this March, tells me he's the "love of her life" in April. Says I love you as a brother but I am not in love with you. NOW she wants divorce for real.

We both moved to TX in June, she says she's ready to work on M and that she has cut contact with OM.

August, I found out she broke the NC in late June.

I return to the midwest, she stays in TX. The OM is in the midwest as well; they haven't seen each other since May. A seems to be strictly emotional.

Sept she files for child custody and child support. Serves me with this lawsuit after I've been sending her checks for my son and asking her to work out the logistics of the support. Insists she wants 20% of my salary and is not willing to negotiate. This is all before I am served.

In early Oct briefly mentions reconciliation (but tells me not to get my hopes up) about three times, but changes her mind a week later and says she's following through with the divorce. Wants it smooth and easy and as fast as possible.

Insists this is not about the OM, but about her independence and self-identity. Says our son will be better off if we divorce. She is upset that when she went to a C and they asked her about the insurance that it is her husband's insurance and not hers. Ungrateful?

Can you tell me where is the best topic to post my story to get good advice? I want to give more details. Thanks.

This forum, GQII is the most frequented. You could always post your questions here, and then add links from some of the other forums asking them to read your post here also.

What are your questions?

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Karen

utterlyconfused,

It sounds to me like most of what your W is doing and saying is "fog". I am a FWW and everything that you said your W is doing to you, I did the same things to my H. Some of the things I said, I was convinced that is how I felt but mostly I felt confused. I felt stuck. I felt like a coward for my M problems turning into me with the OM. I felt like the OM accepted me, really he accepted my lies about myself, he didn't know I was married. When my H found out I felt like I could get out of my M, and be with OM(who accepted me) and not have to deal with the consequences. The OM lived far enough away that, I thought, he would never know the truth. I felt like going back to my H even though deep down thats what I wanted, was just too hard. So I was trying to take the easy way out. It all ended up blowing up in my face, the "fog" cleared and reality came crashing in. I canceled the divorce papers, and have been in recovery with H ever since. It has been almost a year now. My situation was a little different, in the OM had no idea I was married. Once he found out he would not even take my phone calls. It made it very easy for my A to die very quickly. I have a feeling most OP's are not like that.

I hope my story gives you some insight. You should keep posting under GQII, there are a lot of people here that will give you great advice, and answer any questions you might have. By the way MC is a great thing for any M. I would also read the book "His Needs, Her Needs".
Good Luck

DU

Thanks for your insight DU. I also believe she's going through a fog. She says she's sick and tired of her family and myself telling her what she's doing is wrong. Says that nobody respects her decisions, beliefs, and convictions. She says she's already proving some members of her family they are wrong. About what, I don't know.

Last week we spoke every day the whole week. Painful but we aired some issues. This week, every time I call my son, she's rude to me and it is obvious she does not want to talk to me. I had something to tell her a couple of nights ago and all she said was, call me back and leave a message.

I know I have to go through the process to come out the other side, but I wish I was where you are.