FWS and I are taking the tribe to visit my Mom for Xmas. Of course, our sitch is very hush-hush, especially around my 70+ mom with diabetes. Seems just after the A went PA for FWS, she visited my mom who told her how FWS was such a great DIL and good for me and how FWS had to swallow her pride a lot and do what was good for the marriage and so on and so on. It really sent a bug up my FWS's back. I wonder why? lol...
Anyway, telling Mom would probably trigger a heart attack. And would FWS like it? Most doubtful. So, falling back on the MB prinicpals, doesn't seem to be a good idea to talk to Mom about any of this. However, she's pretty good at picking up vibes, especially being a FBS herself.

Thoughts?

If you are in recovery, which you say you are...then what you do is practice the POJA.

What will your wife enthusiastically agree to?

Umm... silence? lol. At this point, she'll go along with "we've had some problems" but would like to just skip that part since she worries about Mom's health, and she knows Mom would get worried and worked up and... well, you know the drill.

Well here's the kicker of POJA.

You both have to enthusiastically agree about what action to take. If either of you disagrees, then you do nothing until you are able to come to a negotiated solution that both of you are enthusiastic about.

Yep, its not so easy is it?

If the A was active, I'd say tell. But since you are in recovery, the rules of POJA say that you don't do anything until you both agree. And if she is unhappy about your mom being told at Christmas, so that solution is out.

Perhaps, if you really need to tell your Mom, you can negotiate a solution that involves telling at a later date when her health is better, and your relationship is better with your wife.

When my husband and I started recovery, he didn't want me to talk about it to anyone. Now he is ok with it, as long as I am not running around telling everyone. But with family members, as he said himself, "Well it happened, we shouldn't just ignore that!" He also is privy to whatever I say though, I never say something behind his back that I won't say in front of him. I think he's become resigned to being a MB guinea pig of sorts - especially when other MBrs call up for my take on a situation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tho honestly, does your Mom *NEED* to know?